When I took my training in becoming a life coach a few years ago, my favorite Module was on our values. When we talk about values, there is an emotional connection making them extra special because values converge and define us, they are who we are at our core. Anyone who knows me well knows that emotional connection is huge and is a core value in my life. I am not after the external materialistic things, I value what’s within. Values are one word such as compassionate, respect, determined and have a strong tonal emphasis, they cannot be changed but you can add more to who you are over time and through experience. Values drive our choices in all life areas.
As a coach, when I ask my clients about a goal they would like to achieve in their life, it is a privilege for me to be beside them hearing their stories and offering them a helping hand. People amaze me all the time with their determination, resilience and love for life. They want to better themselves the same way an athlete wants to better themselves with the assistance of a coach. Some clients say they want more peace in their life and others want a loving relationship. After stating their goal in a positive way, my next question is key “why is that important to you?” This is the most beautiful WHY question because it’s all about values. Answers are from the heart because that’s where values live, even the heart is somewhat shaped like a V. Values represent love. Love of self and love of others. If something is not that important to you in reaching a goal, you won’t be able to answer the “why.” In other words, you don’t value it that much.
How do you know what your values are and are you truly living out your values?
Perhaps you value sharing in your family life but you live making selfish decisions. This is most likely not your value but a belief that you should share because that’s what families do with each other. Therefore sharing is not about who you are and there is a conflict between your values and beliefs. On the other hand, if compassion is your value and you live your life helping others then you know and respect one of your values and live it out authentically. Principles are the manner in which you carry out your values. Therefore principles drive your behavior. They are like an unwritten law that acts as a compass when you get lost because you can always refer back to them. Beliefs can diverge us and are stories with the word “because” in it. They are something we tell ourselves such as “I believe I should act this way because….” The good news is that beliefs can be changed if they are self-limiting or imposed on us by someone else like a parent, ex, etc.
In love relationships, we look for the things we have in common with someone, their likes, dislikes and the list goes on. You may have many likes and things in common with someone but maybe you don’t share the same values in different areas such as career, friends, love, or children. Over time this could be one of the reasons why the relationship may not have worked out because after the honeymoon of likes is over, reality of who this person is and what is important to them shows up. It’s their values, the matters of the heart that speak up. If your values clash, chances are your relationship may clash eventually too. Think of it this way, imagine the most mismatched couple you know who hardly has anything in common with the other person, the cliché opposites attract comes up a lot, and yet they are happy and have been together forever. Why is that? It’s because they share the same values, the heart of the matter is the same.
If you don’t know what your values are yet, I encourage you to take your time and find out what they are so you can live an inspiring and authentic life you deserve. One exercise that may be helpful is to imagine it’s your 80th birthday party and all your friends, followers and family are there giving a toast about you. What would you like them to say about you that rings true to your life? Answers are one word such as inspiring, loyal, caring, etc. Ask yourself the million dollar question “why is that important to me?” It is crucial to know the answer. Once you know what they are, use your principles to live out your values and do it with passion and grace. You can drill down even deeper and on a scale of 1 – 10, scale each value on how true you are living them and strive to do better. Out of that list, what are your top three values?
Most of all, find that special person who shares your same values and fills your heart with even more values knowing that anything is possible.
If you are interested in hiring me as your coach, I am happy to be with you. Values guaranteed. We can begin with a 30 minute free session.