Where Does Trust Start?

How many times have you heard or caught yourself saying “I can’t trust that person” or “I’ll never be able to trust anyone ever again.”  Relationships of all kinds require the element of trust in order to be real and successful.  However, trust is often a sliding scale and where you land on it can vary with each day, person or situation.  We usually know where trust ends which is a betrayal of some sort but have you ever wondered the opposite?

Where does trust start?

“I always knew that George was hiding money from me, but I didn’t listen to myself.  Now that we are getting divorced, he’s not being honest with me about his money situation.  I trusted  him, instead of me and now I’m left with nothing.”

This person didn’t listen to themselves and put their trust in someone else which sadly ended in betrayal.   People talk about listening to their gut feelings which are our intuition and inner messages trying to tell us something.  If and when we put our trust in others, instead of in ourselves, that’s when we give away our power to someone else and set ourselves up for being used and betrayed.  It’s also when we point the finger and blame them and not us.  In the case of a betrayal, both sides play a role in the breakdown but when it comes to trust, it all begins with you.

How often have you heard and felt your intuition telling you what is true or untrue and instead you ignored it, only to regret it after the fact?  A voice might say “You’re still with that person- why didn’t you leave?”  Author Caroline Myss says this is a betrayal to yourself and it hurts the most because deep down you know what to do but if you don’t trust yourself to do the right thing, your life begins to harm you.  That voice often speaks the truth we don’t want to hear but it doesn’t turn off.  When you start to pay attention by trusting your inner knowing, your trust issues with other people will slowly be resolved and it will be harder for them to betray you.

Going back to the original question of where does trust start?  It’s ironic because trust has nothing to do with the other person initially, but has everything to do with you, and once you can begin to trust yourself, you will be able to trust others and form strong, lasting and loving relationships.

Start trusting yourself first.

Self-trust + Self-love = Trusting, Loving Relationships with Others ❤

 

Much Love ❤

 

Jen
xo

Your “Absolute No” List

To Do Lists/Honey Do Lists – You know the ones, they’re a mile long and related to things needing to be done around the house by you or your honey.  These lists remind us of what needs our attention and as you cross something off, you should try to resist adding something in its place otherwise the list never goes down in size and you don’t feel a sense of accomplishment; you feel drained.  On the other hand, To Do Lists can be something you look forward to doing in the future with someone 😀

Goals I want to achieve lists – Run a marathon, lose 10 pounds, get a promotion, etc.  These lists can be great motivators and are good to have around where you can see them.  Think of action steps when you see these goals because it’s one thing to know what you want to achieve and it’s another thing to actually do it.

Things I want to buy list – This list ranges from anything practical to anything frivolous.  Sometimes all you need is a new mattress for your bed and other times you want a new car.  It’s good to dream but stay within your means and don’t go over budget.  You may go one step further and ask yourself “Is this a need or a want?”  By answering this question it can either make you run to the cash to pay for it or walk away.

Absolute Yes List – What are the things you absolutely must have in your life?  What inspires you?  Think about your top priorities in the areas of emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual sides of your life.  Also, look at relationships, work, children, family, leisure activities, community service, and so on.  List as many as possible and circle your top 10.  Keep that list visible and close by so you can see it each day as a reminder.

 

***FLIP***

 

The above lists are the most common ones we see and hear people talking about whereas the following lists below are rarely considered and it’s time we do consider them because they can help prioritize what is important to you and give you some space and clarity in your life.

It’s all in the flip.

Stop Doing List – What can you seriously live without?  Maybe stop buying junk food every time you go to the grocery store.  Stop gossiping, stop dealing with difficult situations alone, stop reading books that don’t grab your attention, stop being a martyr and going to work when you’re sick.   Stop saying Yes when you want to say No.

Goals I have achieved so far list – What have you already accomplished?   This is a great motivator and reminder of accomplishing more if you want to.  You feel proud of yourself for having the perseverance and determination to do so.

Things I have and feel grateful for – As you reflect on the things you have in your life you realize you have more than you thought.  Being grateful gives a new perspective on life and how you can find gratitude each day.  By not only celebrating the big moments or achievements, you can be grateful for the little things like the sunny day you planned that picnic and it didn’t rain or be grateful you made it through that exercise class without fainting!  When you feel grateful you create joy from within and during the times when life is beating you up, this is the time when you need to practice gratitude the most.

Absolute No List – What activities do you no longer do or want to do, what/who drains you, which relationships do you need to remove, what frustrates you?  What will you no longer tolerate?  Pay attention to how you feel in your body such as tightness in your chest, butterflies in your stomach, or headaches.  For example, if you feel stress and resentment at every Christmas gathering because you’re the one always putting on the big spread, maybe it’s time to hand it over to someone else to do.

Here is a sneak peak of what’s on my “Absolute No” List:

I no longer…

Put myself last

Live with drama or accept it in my life

Watch the news, it’s too upsetting

Compromise my needs to keep peace with anyone

Stay quiet when I want to speak up

Buy things unless I need them

Invest time in relationships that are not aligned with who I am

 

It’s time we start living life and not rushing through it.  We need to use our time wisely by removing some things in our life rather than reorganizing and reshuffling it.  Removing gives more time and space and allows you to slow down.  Reclaim your life.

It’s time to put ourselves first and practice self-care techniques instead of keeping the peace at any cost and continuing the legacy of deprivation and resentment.   Self-care is not selfish, it’s essential.  When you are happy you radiate that to others and they feel it and when you are full of love and energy, you have that much more to give.

Your Challenge:  Complete these lists on your own and see where you stand and what is achievable in your own life.  By closely examining your absolute no list, it may be a real eye-opener for you but quantity is rarely better than quality and we all strive for a better quality of life.  It’s a wonderful way of getting to know yourself better and promoting some personal growth and development.

What’s on your “Absolute No” List?

 

Much Love ❤

 

Jen
xo