A Letter To Pain


In the past, as some of you know, I wrote different letters to myself and recently, after reflecting on how far I’ve come, I think it’s time to write a letter to Pain.  Instead of blaming Pain for all the heartache it caused me over time, I’m going to look at Pain from a spiritual point of view and how it changed me into the woman I am today.

One thing I know for sure is that we always have a choice in our lives, for every decision that comes our way which makes us accountable for ourselves.  If things are decided for us, then we get to decide how to handle it.  What we decide becomes our new life path and leads us to exactly where we need to be in order to learn what we don’t know yet.  Even if it’s the second, third or hundredth time around.

Author Caroline Myss says there is no wrong path, we are all on the right path; but here’s the thing, we just might not be managing it very well.  We may have taken a detour along the way.  Therefore, in knowing we have a choice to get back on track and more aligned with who we really are; the path we are on always leads us home.  Back to ourselves and to our purpose.


Dear Pain,

Unfortunately, I know you well.  A little too well, actually.  I’ve seen you come and go throughout my life, sometimes disguised as pleasure, and I have to say, it is never easy or comfortable when you come to visit me.  Most of the time you appear without warning out of nowhere and end up making me feel scared, angry, disappointed, confused, upset, and hurt.  Your timing is incredible because it’s always inconvenient with my plans, forcing me to stop what I’m doing or take another detour.

However, these stops and detours have served a purpose while you were here.  All because of you, Pain, I found ways to handle you, heal you, and let you go.  There is no strength if there is no struggle and if there’s any silver lining to be found within you, Pain, this is it.  You’ve given my emotional muscles a real workout.

You see, Pain turned up the volume of the unworthy voices in my head and I believed them.  Pain knocked me down, but I fought to live.  Pain was my best teacher and worst nightmare all rolled into one.  I’ll never forget the lessons learned in the classroom outside the classroom.  Pain tried to make me fail but after a while, I passed the tests and received the blessing of insight.  Looking back, I see what needed to be learned and why.  So many rich meanings and a spiritual awakening occurred.

Pain, I can’t carry you around on my back anymore, you are too heavy and dark for me.  Not only do I need light, but I also need to feel light.  I finally realize Pain is a reverse role model of what not to do.

Here are some examples of what Pain brought me on the left, and on the right are some things Pain taught me:

Lies = Honesty

Mean = Kindness

Revenge = Walking Away

Selfish = Giving

Stealing = Generosity

Negative = Positive

Self-Righteous = Forgiving

Betrayal = Setting Boundaries

Quiet = Vocal

Closed Minded = Open-Minded

Ignoring Myself = Self-Care

Physical Symptoms = Exercise

Emotional Symptoms = Asking For Help

Holding On = Letting Go

Old Me = New Me

Thanks to you, Pain, I found new hobbies, interests, friends, work, perspective on life, parenting skills, awareness, and a new life.  Everything got better.  I even taught my kids how to handle you because unfortunately, they have seen you too.  Now I have more compassion, empathy, strength, understanding for others dealing with loss, suffering, and divorce.

Thanks again to you, I discovered the power of music, reading, writing, practicing mindfulness, living in the moment, accepting truths, and forgiveness is a gift I give to myself.

Writing is a big part of who I am, it leads me back to myself.  It is my life purpose, so much so that I wrote a book about you, Pain, and I still can’t believe it.  Don’t get too excited, just because I write about you doesn’t mean I like you.  I’m simply trying to understand and decode you for myself and others.  Happiness doesn’t come to me, it comes from me.  It is a choice and how I perceive life experiences.  Writing makes me happy.

You taught me the hard way to put the relationship with myself first, so I don’t put myself second with others.  I question what real love is, what do I want, need, from a meaningful relationship.  You showed me dealbreakers, pitfalls, narcissism, toxicity, and wove red flags in my face.  Now I ask more questions, and I’m careful with who I trust.  You’ve sent me difficult/selfish people, heartbreak, loss, tragic events, unfortunate circumstances to handle which taught me many things about myself and life.  Because of being cheated and deceived, I’ve become more vigilant and discerning.  Respect is a 2-way street, I  accept nothing less.  You certainly tested my patience and my ability to control my emotions.  Now I can see one of the reasons why you showed up was to protect me from other forms of pain.

At the moment,  I am practicing gratitude on a daily basis, my heart feels lighter, more peaceful.  I’m finished hiding behind you Pain, now I’m more obvious.  I found the courage to stand up and live my best life, imperfections and all.  What I’ve learned is this: if you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer.  If you focus on the lessons, you will continue to grow.  All because of you, Pain, I grew, learned, discovered, and even avoided you.  People came and went thanks to you.  I also apologize for being just like you at times, a royal pain in the A**!

The new me feels free, empowered, happy with myself,  and never gives up.  I can walk away from you, but with a grateful heart for all the life lessons.  I know I can’t live my life “Pain-free” but the next time you do arrive, I aim to be more prepared.

I never thought I would say this, but thank you Pain for showing up in my life, and for everything you’ve taught and brought me.   I’m exactly where I need to be in my life with my work, friends, family, love, and myself.  No experience goes unwasted, no mud, no lotus.  If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be me, right here, right now.

Dare to live courageously…

Much Love ❤


One of my favorite songs Never Give Up, by Sia is what I listen to while I go for my walks down by the river.  I love it, I hope you do too.

**Hello Everyone and Happy September!  Copies of Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak are still available at all online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU ❤

13 thoughts on “A Letter To Pain

    • Yes, its interesting isn’t it Tony? Kind of like the movie Shawshank Redemption. Life has a funny way of working out sometimes. Thank you for reading and commenting Tony, I appreciate it 😀


  1. When one makes the choice to no longer let things affect you it can truly be a life altering experience.

    I slipped and fell down a flight of stairs in January 2013. I have not had a pain free moment ever since. The first few months it was ruining my life and attitude.
    Until one day, I said “no more.”

    I have remained positive ever since. And although the intense pain is there, my life is more enriching.

    Thank you for this empowering post. Bravo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andrew, thank you very much for sharing your story with me and everyone here, we can all relate to the pain I’m sure. Good for you for taking a positive approach after dealing with the pain. I’m sure it wasn’t easy but I’m happy to hear you did it. Thank you for reading and commenting, I’m very grateful 😀


  2. Jennifer, I can not tell you enough, how much your writing and your thoughts spoke to my heart, I have read it by now, twice. I love the way, how write to “pain” in a letter as it was a person … that is so brilliant…. I just so relate to every word you speak ,out of my own experience in life. Keep writing, maybe some time it will turn out into a book, I think the world needs to hear your voice. “Minds together” from Cornelia

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello lovely Cornelia, how are you doing? I hope things are going well for you 😍

      Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your beautiful comments about my writing, I am so happy to know it resonates with you. You’re exactly right about how I spoke to Pain like a person, it’s very healing to do that with every difficult emotion. I’m sorry you had to go through pain too but I’m sure you are better off now because of it. So nice to hear from you 💞

      I would love to write another book one day too 😉 Thank you so much


      • Hi wonderful Jennifer, how lovely to hear from you. Thank you for asking I am doing well, indeed the pain I had to go through put me finally on my spiritual path, I had longed for a long time, and I know now what real happiness really feels like and to be grateful for it. “Minds together” from Cornelia…….you said to write another book, so you have written one?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hello Cornelia, I’m so glad you are doing well and found your spiritual path and happiness.

        For the book, yes I wrote one so far called “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” Its available at online bookstores, Amazon being one of them 😍 Thanks so much for asking, I’m thinking about what I should write next. “Minds Together”

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow! This is so raw and true, Jennifer. Loved it 😍 I felt it all the while and will be sharing this with some of my friends with the hope that it’ll help them too. The song suggestion at the end is awesome! Have a grand weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much for reading and commenting Darshith!! 😃 Yes, pain is something we all encounter but sometimes don’t know how cope with it. I hope it helps some of your friends too and that’s so nice of you to share it, I really appreciate that! 😍 The song is from the movie LION , one of my favorites 😉 You too have a fantastic weekend!!


  4. Wonderful and amazing letter to the pain.oh my dear!! Your thoughts about life is most amazing .after reading that letter ,the pain will be force to smile,my lonely soul!!

    Liked by 1 person

      • 😊😊😊☺really that post is awesome.your smiling is natural.who suffers from pain then this pain become cure.because of that pain is reason of your and me smiling.bless you forever the smiles .most welcome,my dear jen’s soul.

        Liked by 1 person

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