Find A Way

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One of my favorite shows to watch is Super Soul Sunday because it’s all about inspiration.  I recently saw an interview with Oprah Winfrey and long-distance swimmer Diana Nyad where Diana found the strength and courage both inside and outside of herself to swim from Cuba to Florida, not just once…but five times.  The first four attempts, she was unable to make it for various reasons but on her fifth try, at 64 years old, she finally reached her goal after swimming for 53 hours.  I was so moved by this and it made me wonder about my own determination when I want something bad enough that seems out of reach, outrageous, or something people might judge me on.  How did she make the decision to keep trying over and over despite the judgments and roadblocks?  How does the human spirit stay alive?  Diana said it was not only very important to her but it was also because of her mantra “Find A Way.”

How many times have we desired something so badly and when we really looked at it, only saw hurdles, walls or stop signs?  Even deeper, how many of those hurdles did you jump, or walls did you climb or stop signs did you ignore?  The driving force is inside of us, our passion for living, for making a difference, creating a legacy, standing up for ourselves, or setting a personal best record.  Whatever the reason behind it may be, the determination that’s driving us is not only our values and that it’s important to us, but our ability to find a way.  Every day I’m finding a way!

As documented in the first four attempts, Diana Nyad had to encounter severe weather conditions, high temperatures both in and out of the water, high waves and winds, jellyfish, sharks, and asthma.  Just like the person who doesn’t have much money, finds a way to eat, or the single mother who saves money to take a vacation with her kids, or the guy who works long hours but makes time for his girlfriend, they all find a way to get there.  No excuses.  Yes, life is hard but when there’s a will there’s a way and nothing can stand in the way, except us.  It doesn’t always mean you will get what you want, but be proud of the perseverance and determination you have to go after it.

Make a commitment to yourself, stay focused and learn the lessons while you’re at it.

This is the stuff that feeds our soul and heals our hearts because we accomplish something we weren’t sure would be possible.  The gremlins inside our heads are alive and well, and always chatting, not to mention the peanut gallery on the sidelines trying to stop us too.  Do what works for you, not them!  We need to learn how to train ourselves to listen to our intuition instead, that’s our internal muscle speaking!  Sure, it’s possible you might fail, but just know you are daring greatly while everyone else is sitting there watching you…on the sidelines!

None of that stopped Diana. She just found a way, her way and even wrote a book about it.

Consider this, it’s also possible you might succeed.   Wouldn’t that be great?!

If what you’re going after isn’t very important to you, it means you don’t value it very much and the possibility of achieving it is harder because the passion just isn’t there and it’s most likely a belief.  Perhaps what you desire will show up in other forms but we have to pay attention to the signs.  Sometimes walls that show up in our life are there to see how badly we want something and if we can scale it or not.  I call it a little test from the Universe and it’s always right.  Are a couple of big waves going to stop you?

Have you ever wanted something so badly and you did everything in your power to achieve it…. What happened?  Did you succeed?  Did you fail?  How did you react if you failed?  Did you try again?

Find what you love, and when you do what you love;  you will find a way.

Much Love ❤

Jen

 

**Starting in August, I will be writing a blog series called “Project Self” which is all about how we need to put ourselves first, and take good care of us so we can be healthy and attract healthy in return.  Topics will include self-love, self-respect, and so much more.  I recently wrote about self-care with input from others, and I am open to more topics and suggestions if you would like me to write about one.  Thank you for all your support and followings during these past 5 years here on WordPress.  It’s been a true gift and pleasure having you here with me ❤ ❤  I hope you are having a wonderful summer so far!

**If you are interested in my book, “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” please visit Amazon, FriesenPress, or any online bookstore worldwide.

All my gratitude ❤

Jen
XO

 

 

 

 

 

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Practicing Self-Care…Like A Rockstar

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Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I can practice more self-care while I continue to heal and learn from my divorce.   I don’t know about you, but when you find yourself on your own, the only person who can take care of you is you.  Self-care is not an option, a luxury, or some “woo-woo” thing.  It’s the real deal and necessary if you want to survive.  Self-care is for everyone who is living, breathing, and has a pulse; so yes, that means you.

It doesn’t mean spending a lot of money but instead, it’s about paying attention to your needs and what makes you feel good by putting yourself first.  This is not a selfish act, because if you plan on taking care of others such as your kids or loved ones, you need to take care of yourself first because it’s just like the oxygen mask theory on the plane.  When you have what you need, you have something to give.  Just as you recharge your iPhone, you need to recharge your life.

Take a time out for yourself.

Let go of the “disease to please” others.  Sometimes you need a wall, not a door or a bridge.  We need to get comfortable with disappointing others for our own health and well-being, knowing and expressing what works and doesn’t work for us. That’s self-respect and possibly another blog.

This blog a collective group effort to share thoughts, ideas, and ways that other people practice self-care so we can all learn from one another.  The response has been outstanding and fun by amazing men and women in all walks of life.  It’s an honor to write this blog, no names are mentioned except one who offered and is happy to do so.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who participated and contributed, I am eternally grateful and inspired!

So grab a snack, drink, and blanket, and curl up somewhere comfy because this blog will give you something to ponder for awhile.  Let’s see what these rockstars said in their own words about what self-care means to them!!

“Self-care for me is this very struggle I have at 7:28 am right now. How it takes me to scroll through social media to leave the bed and get going for the day. Somedays are like that. Somedays, it’s easier. I decide to wake up go for a run, shower, cook my breakfast and work is set in motion. Self-care is unfollowing that particular person who no longer provides any constructive drama to my life, who may be negative in a way. Self-care would be not always obliging to everyone’s notions and once in a while say fuck it and do what I need to do. Self-care would be sleeping until I am tired of sleeping, watching Netflix until the series gets over, giving in to 2 am burger cravings. Sometimes it’s heart over mind, sometimes mind over heart. Whatever helps me get through the day, frowning or laughing”

“I believe in taking days off every now and then to recharge and reset. If you do a repetitive job you have a greater chance of burnout. A three-day weekend can help”

“Making myself important”

“Taking a nice walk, with or without my little dog”

“The healing power of listening, making, and moving to music…3 part series”

“For me, self-care is all the little things we do on a daily basis to take care of us, the body, mind, and soul. As simple as brushing our teeth, taking a shower, drinking water, eating the right food and having a laugh”

“Self-care to me is when I purposefully check out mentally, remove all of the «titles» that define me on a daily basis (mom, wife, manager, sister, daughter, etc.) and do something that will make ME happy in that specific moment. It is when I am just me, in my essence, and listen to my needs”

“Being at one with nature. Walking the dog, biking, paddleboarding, just about anything outside that doesn’t include a phone or computer”

“By going to LIME”

“Going to read at the British café, drinking tea, going for walks and doing home spa nights. All things I do alone”

“Working a four day week, exercise, taking walks, eating well! I think we do a better job as we get older and come to terms with what things we should embrace and those to avoid. Also having school-aged children frees up some time I didn’t have before!”

“Long baths. Playing with my dog. Singing at the top of my lungs and dancing around the house”

“Surrounding myself with positive supportive people and monthly massage!”

“Reading an inspirational book by a certain local author:)”

“Love to sing at the top of my lungs in my car when alone. Lying in bed doing some breathing exercises. Play with my doggy”

“I do three things…..Xbox (fabulous escape from reality), needle felt and walk”

“Self-care for me is body, mind, and soul. Meditation is my biggest self-care go to! I am a certified crystal and energy healer so I tend to work with Crystal’s a lot”

“Hot tub + wine + a good book, gardening, walking my dog, long phone calls with my mom, and anything that gets me laughing. Oh! And kayaking!”

“Yoga, dragon boat, weight training, massages, pedicures”

“While I try to actually do something that sounds more cool or effortful, sometimes my self-care is simply snuggling up to watch a few episodes of my tv shows with a drink in-hand –> without the risk of being disturbed. I never skip that one”

“Learning new dance styles ( Right now learning Kizomba ) to exercise the brain. I go for an acupuncture session and a massage once a month. I try to make better choices for my diet as I am getting older. All of this is important to my self-care!”

“Some days it’s simply eating nourishing food and getting 8 hours of sleep. If I’m particularly stressed it involves things like yoga, meditation, deep breathing. Self-care means whatever I need at that moment to support my mind, body, and soul”

“Naps. Beach. Boundaries (in all areas of my life). Positive Affirmations. Netflix and chill”

“I’m really bad at it. But getting better. I have started running with a group of ladies who have never run before. Its great all starting at the begging together. Plus there is the talking afterward. I also do Zumba. My personal favorite though is I invite friends over once the kids are in bed and drink wine and chat. I am a social butterfly. If I don’t talk I go crazy!”

“Self-care for me is doing more things that I want to do, things that interest me, inspire me. Its also being more aware of my inner critical voice so that I am kinder to myself”

“Time for yoga and meditation rewires the brain and produces dopamine naturally – the feel-good hormone”

“Self-care for me is taking the time to meditate, spend time in nature or have a salt bath”

“I say “no”… a lot. I have learned that knowing my limits, and not over-committing is the best thing I can do for me. Also, massage & chiro. If my body isn’t functioning, it makes everything more difficult physically, emotionally and mentally”

“To me self-care is … Tuning out the “noise” and tuning into my divinity and creativity through meditative practice. This has many forms, including meditation, being in nature, yoga, and art”

“Combination of Reiki, nature, coffee shop chats and doing something creative”

“Mindfulness taught by the heart institute, a hot coffee, good book quiet time in my crappy garden, jack pine trail to feed the chickadees, and biggest (and toughest of all) saying no. Just no.”

“Participating in spiritual development through meditation, prayer, volunteering, being in nature, practicing yoga etc”

“Kickboxing, BJJ, tea and a good book”

“Yoga, pick up soccer and receiving craniosacral therapy!”

“Yoga once a week, biking a few times a week, reading, going for a daily walk and having a personal training”

“I run. It’s moving meditation for me”

“So happy you asked this. I need to do more of this. I go for a walk near the river or walk my dog”

“Volunteering. Putting others needs ahead of my own helps to center me”

“Giving attention and love to womb. Connecting to sexual energy and vitalizing body with tantric breathing techniques”

“So many things! I absolutely love what I do for a living, I work out 5 days a week, I meet up with people I adore for lunch often, I spend time with my teens, I volunteer my time and donate back into organizations I believe in, I do things that make me feel good! I feel very lucky to be at the place I am today!”

“Yoga, Saltastic, and sleep”

“Sunscreen – for my future self”

“Read. Garden. Lunch with Friends”

“ I do things that make me happy. Take time for exercise, go to the spa, indulge in my favorite food, sleep, take time for me, spend time with friends, spend time with my dog, cry (releases feel-good hormones and actually makes you feel better!). Basically, I do me”

“5 min facial & 10 min pedicure at home. Perfect for the busy momma’s”

“Hula hooping to my favorite tunes!  As a busy mama & entrepreneur, I love knowing that I can easily grab my hoop any time. Even as little as 5 min in my hoop can completely shift my energy & my headspace. It takes me out of my head, raises my vibrations, releases tension, relaxes muscles, lifts my heart… I feel like a new woman after being in my flow for a bit!”

“ I bought an infrared sauna for my house, why – because I’m worth it to have time to recharge myself through reading or music, or just enjoying the sweat”

“Taking quiet time to connect with my heart – last night that meant sitting in my little urban garden with chai tea taking in the scents of the flowers and the lush beauty of all things green”

“Gardening. Short story..Once upon a time, I told my children gardening was soothing to my soul. They were both very young, grade 1 or grade 2. One morning I was driving them to school, backed out of the driveway, and just stopped in front of the house and said to them “oh look at the garden”.  My daughter, who is 4 years younger than her older brother, said “What’s the big deal about the garden mom?”, and my son turned to her, and said: “Emerald, you know it is soothing to her soul”  Heart melt.”

“Daily morning meditation, practice and teach yoga, writing, listening and chanting my favorite mantras”

“Face masks, saying no and journaling”

“Morning run and exercise, good nutrition, regular sex, meeting with friends, weekly massage and acupuncture, Epsom salt baths. I live with chronic anxiety and depression. I’m am very aware of this and self-heal. I thank the people around me for keeping my mental health in check”

“I bake and share the reapings of it. I read my Bible and pray. I take my meds. I have friends”

“By taking one hour for myself when I wake up to follow this routine: 10 minutes of meditation; 10 minutes of reading; 10 minutes of visualization; 10 minutes of reciting positive affirmations; 10 minutes of exercise; and ten minutes of journaling. To me, self-care is about always meeting yourself at the level of consciousness at which you want other people to meet you.  It’s about not being afraid to set boundaries with others and treating yourself like a queen”

“I am now addicted to taking time for myself when I wake up. No one can rush me and my family knows and respects my Queendom”

“I find time to relax and treat myself – foot/hand spa with shellac pedicure/ manicure, bubble bath in bathtub with relaxing music, eat my favourite food, relax watch movies at home eating ice cream, popcorn and others while watching with your loved ones then take a nap Wow, nice life without any kids with me just me and my darling”

“I’ve learned to enjoy the little things each day. Like for instance I’m currently exhausted and have a ton of house/pets/business work to do today but I’m laying down writing this while my pet bird is semi-sleeping beside me giving me kisses. I prioritize sleep and I make sure every day I am contributing to some hobby of mine I enjoy to do like crafting, painting, hiking, knitting, writing”

“Swimming laps or calling a friend”

“Sipping wine in my high heels.  It feels great and you look good too!”

“Reiki, QiGong, strength training, lots of time in nature, dancing, bodywork, prayer, journaling, blogging, self-inquiry, therapy, keeping old friends across time and space, learning from teachers that I admire, doing Shadow work, and doing work that matters to me”

“Knitting can be so relaxing”

“Investing in myself; being more self-aware of my needs and how I can reach goals with a soul and be happy on my own”

“Walking away from relationships that are a one-way street.  Nobody deserves to be disrespected.  Allow yourself to heal, take a break from dating and date yourself instead”

“Watching Super Soul Sunday makes me feel inspired every week”

“By helping others who are in need”

“Nurturing friendships, spending time with my kids doing something fun and crazy like ziplining”

“Eliminating negativity from my life for my own mental and emotional health”

“Solo travel, or travel of any sort.  It fills my soul and I need this”

“For me, it’s taking time with people that are important to me that makes me feel good”

“Knowing when it’s time to walk away from a job/relationship for your own health and well-being. Hire a life coach and make the switch. I’m worth it”

“Meditation. Yoga. Exercise. Sleep”

“Knitting, sewing, aquafit, yoga, guitar playing, painting, gardening, walking”

“Walking somewhere new in nature and taking photos of everything beautiful”

“Writing, Zumba, PiYo and Salsa Dancing”

“Playing the drums, listening to music, playing football outside with my friends”

“Listening to music, playing video games and sports, spending time with friends”

“Self-care is made of the two most basic and simple words but the implementation of it is not that simple or that basic.  I say this because no one teaches us this.  No one tells us that we have to take care of ourselves first.  We’re always asked and expected to care for others and put others before us.  This distracts us from the fact that we gotta take care of ourselves first to take care of others.  So, we learn this simple thing the hard way and the tough way, by seeing ourselves injured and hurt mentally over and over again, till it struck us.  And then once we know this simple rule of self-care, we become a matured and wise person with each passing day.  We take decisions with confidence and are ready to face difficulties and tell NO when we don’t feel like saying YES for the sake of others. This is the change in our thinking and this is the change which we as a society needs; to make everyone feel at home with themselves.”  ~Darshith Badiyani, Bangalore, India, age 27

After reading so many loving thoughts and ideas, I hope you feel inspired to practice self-care…like a rockstar.  It just goes to show there are several ways of doing one thing, we just need to look within and make time for ourselves because we count too.  Many thanks again to everyone who contributed, you are all AWESOME!

Much Love and Gratitude ❤

Jen
XO

 

PS:  If you are new here and would like to follow my blog, please click the “Follow” button in the bottom right-hand corner, enter your email and every time I post, the blogs will show up in your inbox so you can read it!  Welcome aboard!

My book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” is available at online bookstores worldwide and at FriesenPress online bookstore.

~ Dare to live courageously…

 

 

Happy First Birthday WWL!

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Happy 1st Birthday to Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak!!!

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Well, here we are, exactly one year later after my book release and I am SO amazed at the positive response!!  Each day teaches me the power of words, the power of positivity, the power of friends and family, the power of love and courage, the power of resilience and determination, the power of empowerment, the power of moving forward; even if you are crawling you are still moving.  The power of taking action, the power of reframing your situation so that it serves you, the power of self-awareness, self-care, self-respect, self-love, self-compassion, and ultimately, the power of forgiveness which is the toughest lesson of all, but I am living proof it can begin with the right attitude.

Judging others, blaming or being a victim is the easy way out and keeps you stuck. Taking responsibility for your own life is why we are all here and sets you free.  It’s been a process of lessons learned and to this day I am learning even more while making mistakes but this means I am evolving as a person and I am extremely grateful for the amazing friends I have.  My kids have seen me through thick and thin and I could have never done this without you guys, I love you from the bottom of my heart ❤  All my gratitude to you both!!

Today is giveaway day and I’ll be contacting 2 lucky winners with love and gratitude ❤ Thank you to everyone for all your huge support, and never forget…

~ Dare to live courageously…

Love Always ❤

Jen
XO

** Copies are available for purchase at all online bookstores worldwide and at the FriesenPress Bookstore.  Thank you 🙂

Hell’s Bureaucracy

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Welcome to Hell, everyone, let’s have some fun!  Today we are going in by the back door and listing all the possible ways to build an even worse Hell!  What could be better than renovating that disgusting place and creating more torture?  So pull up a wobbly chair with no cushion, have a warm beer with cold soup and here we go!

In order to identify values, sometimes we need to think backward.  What does that mean exactly?

If you don’t know what your values are, all it takes is a violation and you will instantly feel what is right or wrong in your books.

Values are who we are at our core; right now, not who we wish we were.  Values are what is important to us, they are the “why” to everything and drive our behavior.  For example, some values might be, respect, considerate, honest, hardworking, loving, etc.  They are one-word answers to who we are and how we live our lives.  You can always add more values to your life with different experiences but they don’t change because they’re innate.  Beliefs are the changers and the self-limiters but that’s not why we are here, let’s not go there.

Let’s get back to Hell…

All relationships are based on values whether it’s at work, with friends, family, love or yourself.  Values define why that particular relationship is important to us and if they hold the same values we do.

If you aren’t sure what your values are then you will have a great time in Hell because this is where the clash happens and all the possibilities are negative, not to mention torturous!  So let’s make a list of what Hell might look like in a relationship or at work:

Disrespect, discourage, dishonesty, ignored, stealing, lying, humiliation, harassment; just to name a few.  How do you like living in Hell so far?  Do any of these words rub you the wrong way?  If that’s a yes, keep on reading little devil…

Try answering these questions; “What are some of the best forms of self-torture?” Or, “In the ideal Hell, people would never….”  Or even, “In the ideal Hell, people would always try to…”

Feeling hot yet?  How’s that warm beer?  Are the flames getting a little too close for comfort down there?  Good!  Let’s flip this Hell right now.

Disrespect becomes respect, discourage becomes empower, dishonesty becomes honesty, ignored becomes appreciated, stealing becomes sharing, lying becomes trust, humiliation becomes pride, harassment becomes justice.  Starting to feel better, more like home?  I would hope these bold words resonate more with you than the Hell words do.  Would these words be important in your relationships or at work?  Why?  Once you answer the “why” then you have defined your values.  I’m sure you have more words in there… keep making your list!

What title would you give to your new world now that you’ve flipped it on its head?  You get to decide.

Now flip those three questions around in a positive way and answer them with your new title; “What are some of the best forms of self-care?” Or, “In the ideal (title) people would never…” Or even, “In the ideal (title), people would always try to…”

Sometimes going in from the back door isn’t a bad thing after all.  To know what we want, we need to define what we don’t want and to know who we are, we need to know who we are not.  What we can tolerate.  Plain and simple.

Thanks for playing Hell’s Bureaucracy, I hope you had fun and it helped.  A cold beer would be nice right about now 😉

 

Much Love ❤

Jen 🙂

 

**Believe it or not, this is a life coaching tool to help people identify their values so they can improve their relationships in their personal and/or professional lives.  It works well, I’ve even used it on myself!  If you are interested in having a life coaching session with me, please send me an email at jgreen7984@gmail.com

 

**If you are new to my blog or a treasured reader/follower, please be sure to check out my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” by Jennifer Green.  Available at all online bookstores worldwide or FriesenPress online bookstore.

~ Dare to live courageously…

 

Free Giveaway: Happy 1st Anniversary!

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It’s been a wonderful year of making great memories with friends, family and my book, “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak.”  Never in a million years did I ever think I would write a book but because of a loss, I decided to make something positive out of something difficult.

On Tuesday, May 29th, 2018, it will be the first anniversary of my first book release and to show all my gratitude, I wanted to do something special to mark the occasion with all of you.  Therefore, I will be holding a free giveaway and there will be two (2) winners.  For those living in Canada, one winner will receive a personally signed paperback copy and for those living anywhere outside of Canada, the winner will receive a pdf version along with a personalized note from me 🙂

Anyone can enter to win between now and midnight EST Monday, May 28th, 2018.  The winners will be selected and contacted on Tuesday, May 29th, 2018.  Thank you in advance to everyone who participates!  It’s going to be fun, you don’t want to miss out!

Rules for the giveaway, you can choose one or more options:

  1. Follow my blog, like, and comment in the comment box
  2. Follow my Facebook, Twitter or Instagram page; like, tweet and/or comment on the post
  3. You will need to provide your email and/or mailing details in a private message if you win
  4. If you write a book review, that counts as two submissions and I’ll post it on my website
  5. Have fun and good luck everyone!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone again from the depth of my heart and soul for all your love and support on this discovery journey I have been on for the last three and a half years.  If you or someone you know is going through the searing pain of separation or divorce, maybe this book could be helpful and show you are not alone ❤

Dare to live courageously…

Much Love ❤

Jen
*As always, copies are available for purchase through FriesenPress or any online bookstore worldwide.

Feel It To Heal It

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I used to take the back door of my mind to get inside myself
Logic and endless mind games used to play with me there
Some days I would win, other days I would lose
I always felt like something was missing, but what?

One day I realized I wasn’t walking the right way
So I tried the front door, through my heart instead
That’s where I felt all the emotions and where I really started to live
That’s where I learned so many life lessons, at the heart of being present

You can run but you can’t hide
That’s how the heart works so it can be healed
Embrace, forgive and love yourself so more doors can open in your life
Feel those emotions, all of them

Of course, it will be painful;
But would you rather have short-term pain or long-term suffering?
Sadness is inevitable, but that’s what opens doors and knocks down walls
Better to be temporarily sad than numbing all emotions, good and bad
Bitterness and resentment only keeps people stuck and I wasn’t one of them

As I started to feel all my emotions
I started the grieving process
I felt my heart open wide and began the healing process from the inside out
My mind calmed down and I let my heart take over, trusting this process

I lost count of how many times I fell down
But what I can tell you is that I got back up every single time
Yes it was hard and I have scars to prove it but that didn’t stop me
My focus was on feeling better and to do this was through personal growth and development
Not through avoidance or distraction
For the record, I still fall down these days because I am still learning and that’s ok

With an open door policy and smaller walls to climb
I allowed my support system into my heart
Some days they took over when I couldn’t do it for myself
Gratitude is a small word for such a huge act of love
Each stage of grief was a wild emotional roller coaster ride, but a necessary one

Three years later, I am a new woman
I am not the same person who used to take the back door through my mind
Now I choose to open the front door of my heart with ownership, responsibility, and happiness
All this because I found the courage and chose to feel it to heal it ❤

You can too…

Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

 

**P.S:  All my gratitude to everyone who has read or is reading my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” It warms my heart to hear such wonderful feedback, especially when it helps another person who is going through any loss.  We are all connected and you’re not alone.  To pick up a copy of your own, please visit your favorite online bookstore worldwide or my publisher’s website FriesenPress for several available versions.  Have a wonderful weekend everyone ❤

XO

 

 

 

You Be The Judge…In Your Own Life

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“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

How interesting that people from the outside looking in are like experts on how those who are struggling should live their lives.  It’s one thing to give helpful advice so they can move forward but to sit back, criticize, and judge is absolutely ridiculous.

Why?

One reason is that they aren’t walking in your stylish shoes (which probably don’t fit them anyway) so they don’t know how to saunter like you.  Secondly, people don’t really know who they are as an individual; their wants, needs, or values, so how can they know an outsider so well and tell them what to do? Thirdly, it shames people into thinking they’re not good enough and living in shame for 30 seconds or 30 years is painful.

The theory of having two sides to a coin, meaning two sides to a story is another narrow-minded way to think because technically, there are three sides to a coin, head (one perspective), tails (the other perspective), and the edge (the truth).  Furthermore, there are many layers to each side that run deep which means more reasons and perspectives on each side, therefore, not so cut-and-dry.  When someone judges you based on this theory of two sides to a story, they are judging out of their own insecurities and revealing unhealed parts of themselves.  Therefore, it’s not about you, it’s about them and saying these types of things make them feel better and you feel worse.  What they do know is only a version of the truth which is not much, and maybe only partially true.

For those of you who are being judged in silence by people who never dare to have an actual conversation with you, I can completely empathize.  What I know is this; when you do something wrong, admit it to the person involved and apologize for it.  As for the additional peanut gallery who may or may not hide but continues to judge you, let them go.  If you tried something new and it didn’t work out, admit it and move on.  It’s fine to fail at something, as long as you gave it your all and learned from your mistakes.  Not everyone is going to marry, have kids, be rich, drive a BMW, or have their dream job, but here’s the thing… You can decide what’s best for you in the end.  Always remember, nobody is living a perfect life.

These days judgment is everywhere from how we parent, work, our lifestyles, health choices, interests, relationships, vacations, cars, houses, and all the way down to what kind of underwear we buy, how we take a selfie, and which haircut we get.

Seriously??  Suddenly the phrase “mind your own business” comes to mind.

We are all on the same journey in life and we are all on different paths to get there.  That’s ok.

You can’t control what other people say or do but you can control how you react to it.  Instead of judging others and what they are doing, focus on yourself and you be the judge…in your own life.

Be the man (or woman) in the arena, and dare greatly.

Much Love ❤

Jen

**P.S.  For those of you who bought and read my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” I am extremely grateful for your huge love and support.  I hope you enjoyed it and if you’re interested in leaving a book review on my website, please let me know and I will happily arrange it for you.  Have a wonderful week! XO

 

 

 

 

Your Hungry Soul

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This post goes out to all the people with thirsty hearts and hungry souls…(that includes me)

You’ve heard the saying, “Feed Your Soul,” I know I say it quite a bit myself because sometimes there are days when my soul is so hungry!  Hungry for what?  Something purposeful, meaningful, and inspirational.  Isn’t that what life is all about and why we’re here?

What makes you tick?  Lights you up from the inside out?  That’s what I’m talking about.

One of the greatest things I’ve learned after my divorce is how to stop the insanity and feed my soul.  Things I completely forgot about came back to me, like writing, listening to song lyrics, exercise, and walking beside a body of water.  Whenever I’m feeling blue, these are the things that swoop in and heal me in an inspiring way.  I also discovered new things like reading Paulo Coelho books that are so incredibly written.  He is one heck of a word wizard that’s for sure.  In case of an emergency, cookies are always good too, but not too many!

Then there are the tougher days.  Starvation sets in and no matter what you do, your soul never seems fed or satisfied.  Maybe it’s your job or a relationship that’s keeping you down and confused about your true desires and the search seems endless.   This is when creativity comes in very handy or talking it out with a trusted friend.  Feed your hungry soul and quench that thirsty heart of yours!  Just try to be around people who actually feed your soul and not eat it!  That completely defeats the purpose.

And just so you know, anything soul-sucking needs to go immediately.

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One of my favorite author’s and life coach, Danielle LaPorte says we should make goals with a soul.  In other words, strive for the things we desire that make us feel good.  Goals are great but are sometimes too much work if you’re not that interested in them.  Is your goal a should or a want?  Maybe we’re living our lives backward and inside out because if we put our desire ahead of our goal, it would probably be more achievable since we know it makes us feel good in the end.   Follow the pull, not the push.

Other times you have to let go and throw fate into the water and see what happens next.  However, sometimes, even water can’t wash away the pain, but when you’re hungry, you’ll do anything to feed it.  This can be a good sign because that might prompt you to discover a new hobby, change careers, meet an old friend, pray from the heart, or take a trip somewhere new and exciting.  We just want to connect with someone or something that makes us feel good.  What makes you happy?  When you find out, do that as much as possible.

When your soul is hungry, what is your go-to spiritual diet?  What do you crave?

Much Love,

Jen 🙂

P.S:  What better time of the year than to curl up with a book and get inspired 😉  “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” is available at all online bookstores worldwide, pick up your copy today!! Have a great weekend everyone ❤

 

Tripping Over Your Soul

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The power of words can either lift you up or crash you down.

When they lift you up, it might spark a reflection on how to do things differently, cope better or it could inspire you to do some good in this world, love more, to help someone out or even yourself.  Music lyrics are a great example of how healing words can be.

When words crash you down, they can traumatize, change your life, make you fall to your knees with a haunting cry, and be embedded in your heart, mind, and soul forever.  They can reshape you in a twisted kind of way.

This requires some serious healing.

Not only does this apply to the words we hear from others but to the words, we hear from ourselves.  We really are our own worst critics and it’s time to stop these chatty gremlins from taking over our souls, tripping us up and stealing our joy.

What is your soul?  Based on what I know, which is only my opinion, the soul is the place that never dies inside of us, it’s what carries us through this life, lights us up when we are in the dark, promotes personal growth and development and drives us to make changes based on our past mistakes.  We learn from them because our soul is our life and it is always talking to us through connections with others.  Every connection is meant to help us grow; yes the good ones along with the tough ones.

I recently saw my good friend Judith and we had more inspiring conversations over Thai food.  We talked about when you try to heal from something, it’s like tripping over your soul.  I thought that was a great line because it’s almost like learning how to walk again after an accident.  You’re a bit worried, shaky, not going in a straight line, hanging onto things along the way that maybe you shouldn’t.  You fall, get up, try again and keep going forward.  The trick is not to get in your own way.  It takes practice and courage to do this while all along you think you’re not ready and you are fearful of what lies ahead.  Basically, it shakes your confidence in everything but your soul is the motivator that pushes you to try again because it only wants what’s best for you.  The healing journey is a process and in that process, you will trip, stub your toe, and fall, from time to time, but trust in it.  All of this is normal, and what matters is getting up and showing up.  Always remember, even if you are crawling, you are still moving.

Just remember to move forward and it will all work out when you can accept what happened.

Finding your new path means getting out of your own way, tripping over your soul from time to time and that’s ok.

Much Love ❤

Jen

**I hope you are all doing well, my apologies for not blogging as regularly as I have changed jobs recently but things are great.  If you would like to find copies of my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak”, it is available at online bookstores worldwide 🙂 I hope you are having a wonderful 2018 so far ❤

Let Go or Be Dragged

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As we move closer to the end of 2017, it’s a wonderful time to become more reflective of what happened, ask ourselves what we desire in 2018 and determine what’s important to us and why.  I recently did this exercise with my wonderful friend Basak.

For me, it’s been a year of ups and downs, and at the same time, I’ve learned so much about myself in the process like how to apply some additional coping mechanisms to decrease stress.  How to surrender and let go has been BIG on my agenda.  Letting go of who and what’s not right for me is a constant learning experience and I know I’m not alone.

One thing I am grateful for this year is how well our co-parenting scenario is going.  Especially for the sake of my kids because we are all doing the best we can with what we’ve got in our new normal and that’s a huge relief for everyone.

The dating world is another story, I am still learning how to recognize red flags more, and let go of those clever wolves in sheep clothing.  Dating has been both good and not so good but I refuse to let that drag me down and around.

Just like Richard Branson says; “If I cut you off, chances are you handed me the scissors.”  It’s better to let someone walk away from you than all over you.  Just let them go one way, and you go the other way.

I learned how to park my brain and engage my spirit by being grateful for everything I have both internally and externally.  I crave inspiring things and people in my life.  It’s what’s on the inside that matters most to me.

Let’s be honest, life is complex and our emotions even more so when you are being dragged.  This can be painful like when you’re swinging on those monkey bars and hanging on so darn tight.

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We can’t move forward if we are always looking backward.  Sounds simple but it’s true.  Try driving a car while always looking in your rearview mirror.  I’ll make sure I’m off the road that day!

Stop trying to fit in and go where you belong.  That’s where you can be your true self and feel comfortable with who you really are.  Find your tribe, let go of bad vibes and people that drag you down.  Lean into support instead.

I learned to stop hanging on for the sake of other people’s feelings.  This is the most disrespectful thing you can do to yourself.  There’s a saying; “There’s no need to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”  So let go before you get burned.

Forgive yourself for making mistakes, you’re only human just like everyone else.  This will bring you peace.

Above everything, love yourself with every cell in your human body by being self-compassionate.

As author Mark Nepo says “Maybe there’s a better life plan for you that you don’t know about.  Hope for good, allow for even better.”

There will be times in your life when you don’t know why something is happening.  Create your own closure if you can’t obtain it from the source.  Instead of trying to find a happy ending, why not try and create a new beginning?

I learned it is physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally exhausting to hang onto something that is dragging you around, especially for so long.  Listen to your body and intuition.

Picture this…

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A guy is on the ground being dragged behind a horse and is hanging onto the reins for dear life.  The horse goes about his business every day, eating, galloping, doing number one and two, but the guy will not let go despite knowing it doesn’t feel good, smell good, or look good, he’s just hangin’ on to hang on!  The horse gallops and jumps in all kinds of weather and there’s that guy, still hangin’ on through the air, mud, and tall grass.  From an outsiders point of view, what do you see here?  What do you think of him as he gets dragged right in front of you?  Are you screaming inside your head saying “OMG just let go!”  This guy doesn’t realize he has a choice; to be courageous and do something about it.  Excuses like being in “limbo” don’t cut it but making a decision certainly does.

Remember those scissors?

Life situations are very similar.  We hang onto something dear to us that we can’t accept has already left and we end up being dragged.  Or we let go but keep running back to the same problem in the first place, even though we know it’s not right for us.  This destroys our self-respect, dignity, and self-worth.  It’s poison to our brain and once we realize we are sick and tired of being dragged, only then can we finally let go.

If someone or something is running away from you, let go because that means it wasn’t meant for you anyway.   It was there for a reason, but now it’s over, so time to move onto something much bigger and better.

Being dragged by someone or something blocks the Universe from letting the light and good enter our lives.  However, once you let go, you create an open space that’s always been there but now the blockage is gone and something better can arrive in its place.

Back to the horse scenario, learn how to let go of the reins, get up, dust yourself off, and don’t get dragged anymore.  Run your own race and stay in your own lane where you belong.  I’m sure that horse is tired of dragging you around anyway!

From what I’ve learned, when you do let go, you attract what’s right for you in return.

So here’s to less drama in 2018 and continuing to learn more about how to let go of what’s not meant for us so we can choose the path to true happiness.  Why?  Because we’re so darn worth it!

Let go or be dragged.  You always have a choice.

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“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck” ~ Dalai Lama

Enjoy your holidays, much love and gratitude to you ❤

Jen
XO

PS:  My book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” is available at all online bookstores worldwide.  Dare to live courageously…