Hustling For Worthiness

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Brené Brown is #TheQueen of defining worthiness, therefore I will quote her instead of trying to interpret her outstanding research. 🙂

“Love and belonging are essential to the human experience.  Only one thing separates the men and women who feel a deep sense of love and belonging from the people who seem to be struggling for it.  That one thing is the belief in their worthiness.  It’s as simple and complicated as this:  If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.  When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness-the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging, right this minute.”  ~Brené Brown

Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites but many of us have a long list that we have created or have been handed down to us.  I would like you to play along and ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as possible, just for your own knowledge.

I’ll be worthy when/if……

Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong somewhere?

Or had the thoughts that you weren’t good enough?

What did that feel like?

How did you handle that?

Were you able to feel that you were worthy and deserving of love and belonging?

How do you feel about love and belonging right now?

If you could give yourself some advice right now on how to deal with worthiness and love and belonging, what would you say to yourself right now?

Imagine you are talking to a child about worthiness, love and belonging, what would you say to that child?

Are you able to accept this advice you just gave to a child and use it for yourself?

And now for the biggest question of all;

Are you a hustler for worthiness?  Do you constantly perform, perfect, please or prove yourself to everyone around you? If you answered yes to this, you are giving away your power to someone else to decide if you are worthy or not.  This is not helpful despite your good intentions.   Self-worth, self-confidence, believing and knowing you are enough gives you full access to love and belonging and you deserve nothing but the absolute best. ❤

You are enough so no need to hustle.  You’re actually more than enough.

Much Love,

Jen
xo

Being Enough: Fitting In vs. Belonging

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“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
~ Brené Brown

I am slightly obsessed with Brené Brown and if you have never heard of her before, allow me introduce you to her.  She has a Ph.D. in Social Work and has been studying shame, courage and vulnerability for over fifteen years now.  She has appeared on TED Talks, Oprah and has written inspiring books such as The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are and Daring Greatly:  How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.

One of my favorite chapters she writes about is on fitting in vs. belonging.   They are not the same thing and one gets in the way of the other.  They are two sides of the same coin.

Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted.   It’s the disease to please.  It’s chasing down some acceptance and worthiness so we can feel better about ourselves.  “I will feel worthy when…” or “I’ll be whoever or whatever you need me to be, as long as I feel like I’m a part of this.”  It’s an uncomfortable feeling. Remember high school?

Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.  True belonging only happens when we present our authentic selves, imperfections and all.  It’s about self-love and self-acceptance and embracing who we are.  Essentially, it’s the act of courage and unconditional love for ourselves.  You know when you belong somewhere or with someone because you can feel it in your body.  You feel loved at peace and free.

Therefore, fitting in gets in the way of belonging.  It’s the gremlins that set up camp in our heads that tell us “you’re not good enough.”  It’s hard to feel worthy of love and belonging when you listen to this little monster.   The truth is, love and belonging means uncertainty but they still go together.  And according to Brené, those who have a strong sense of love and belonging, have the courage to be imperfect.

I found this concept really interesting because many people believe that fitting in and belonging are the same thing when in fact they’re not.  My question to you is this; are you living your life according to fitting in or belonging?  The next question is why?  Sometimes you just have to say “enough already” and let yourself off the hook.

Much love,

Jennifer Juneau