The Aftershocks

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February 15th, 2015 there was a record breaking earthquake that measured 8.0 on the Richter scale at the airport

Massive devastation and destruction took place that evening measuring 9.0 on the magnitude scale

Two tectonic plates suddenly collided against each other and was felt from miles around

Violent words you spoke were sudden and ground shaking causing elastic strain and eventual rupture causing widespread waves from the epicenter, my heart

The storm in your eyes cast immense darkness all around causing the lights and power to go out in mine

The airport high winds mimicked a hurricane and tornado all spun into one, whisking me away into oblivion

I lost everything…everything

A year and more has passed since that horrific day but the trauma and aftershocks remain

Some days the aftershocks feel worse than the earthquake itself

I guess that’s what aftershocks are all about, haunting thoughts, feelings and nightmares

Wounds heal and reopen over and over, leaving a deeper scar each time

Life has become a permanent construction zone with ongoing repairs, adjustments and rebuilding

Things are better now but those triggers and aftershocks still appear out of nowhere and continue to cause destruction which requires further rebuilding on my part, just when I thought it was done

One step forward, two steps back

The completion date is unlimited and unassigned, it changes by the week

Not that you care, you have moved on

Trauma takes a very long time to heal, longer than I ever expected

But I’m up for the challenge because I’m a woman on a mission

A mission for all women and that’s to take a stand against all forms of betrayal

Where you stand is where you land

When I look back on how far I’ve come I’m proud and much better off

I don’t work alone I belong to a team of outstanding people worldwide who love and support me

The silver lining is glowing from as far as outer space and positive vibes surround me

The emotional spikes have become rounded waves and calmer, I still see the odd spike here and there

But the aftershocks have become less intense and more spread out

The ground no longer trembles to the point where I lose my balance, my stance is firm now

Despite all this, my smile has returned on my face and in my heart

I’m helping people and doing the things I love to do with genuine people who care

All I know is that I will fully recover, the memories will fade and the aftershocks will end

I’m almost there and I’ll get there soon

I’m getting everything back, slowly but surely

Mark my words.

 

~ Written by Jennifer Juneau

 

 

 

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It’s Finally Over

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Her view was mostly of his back
He was far too busy to notice, especially her
When  pointed out, he walked away from her
Communication was his weakest link
The emotional abandonment was suffocating and humiliating for her
Being ignored was the worst empty feeling of all
She felt alone and excluded,  yet she was with him
The sting of emotional betrayal was overwhelming and nauseating
How could this be happening after everything she gave him
Gone was her independence and confidence during those years
Sadly her efforts to impress went unnoticed
Yet somehow he still benefited from the results
Her head hurt from banging it against the wall
Begging for his attention
She felt she didn’t exist and unimportant, at least with him
Schedules, impressions, ego were his priorities
Invitations elsewhere were taken with pleasure
Decided and enjoyed, leaving her behind
She felt she didn’t have a choice which took away her voice

Until one day a job opportunity came for her in a faraway land
An opportunity not just for her but for the family
To be treated like a queen and highly rewarded for all her hard work
He encouraged her to pursue this adventure
The spotlight had shifted from him to her
It was finally her turn to do more, have more
The law of divine compensation was at play
However, seething jealousy swept in
Robbed her of this happiness, this chance of a lifetime
What did he do?
He backed out, refusing this opportunity for himself
Advised her to go alone
His world was far too important to leave behind and support her in this quest
These foolish games were killing her and them
She was so tired of feeling alone
Betrayal came in many forms and shattered her heart one crack at a time
His jealousy and control were building daily over her

That’s when everything changed…
She realized this was not about her but all about him
Like all the other times he abandoned her

And then…. it happened, the day after Valentine’s

A hurling punch of ultimate betrayal slapped her across the face with brute force
Causing physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual harm to her body and soul
He took away Everything from her world
Her cracked heart was broken, bleeding and wailing
The invisible crown she wore fell, and crashed into a wall
Jewels she collected over the years shattered into a million pieces
Lifelessly falling to the floor,  she tried to pick them one by one
Screaming, reaching and crying a river of tears
Every act of control on his part felt like she was being strangled tighter and tighter
He was kicking her while she was down; the pain was excruciating
She was unable to get off this emotional roller coaster ride
And it was sucking the life out of her
Her world was rapidly spinning out of control into a downward tornado spiral
She knew this was the end but failed to realize
It was also her new beginning…

Gradually, she picked herself off the floor
Had no idea she was in the driver’s seat
She could finally break free and live her life the way it was intended
With people who care and make time for her in their busy schedule
And don’t take advantage of her good nature
Friends and family gathered round, carried her when she couldn’t walk
Resisted sleep all night until sunrise; stayed and talked with her
Buried the darkness when she needed the light
Spoke for her when she couldn’t speak
Listened when she finally found her voice and the words
Dried her tears when they wouldn’t stop flowing
Made her laugh and smile to cut through the pain
Encouraged her to shake and pound it out through exercise
Books, quotes and songs repaired her soul one phrase at a time
Hugs and virtual hugs meant everything to her
Friends and family became her strength, her lifeline, her everything
Standing by her side through every mind controlling appointment and conversation
Taking her shopping and moving her into her new palace
Helping to re-attach the shining jewels to her invisible crown
And wearing it like a boss knowing she’s worth it, dammit
While carrying on courageously and not missing a beat in her life
Rising strong like a hero and not a poor victim
Pouring out her emotions and detoxifying her soul through writing
Connecting with more friends around the world that inspire and support her
Skype, Hangouts, texts and social media bring friends who are far, close to her heart
She doesn’t feel alone or ignored anymore, she is smiling
Her heart and mind are open, she can breathe again

Finally she disembarks this wild emotional roller coaster ride
Thanking her guardian angels for riding along side with her
This girl is on fire now and has her strength back and more
She walks into the appointment with her pen in hand
Signs the document that changes her life forever and for the better
Her inked signature says it all loud and clear
It’s finally over.
And this time…
She walks away with her back to him for the very first time
And rocks it

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** A special thanks to Darshith for letting me borrow his awesome idea of adding music to my blog 😉 **Thank you** 🙂 Since this post has a before and after, I chose two songs; Foolish Games by Jewel and Brand New Me by Alicia Keys.  Thank you for reading and listening, I know it was long but I just had to get it all out, turn my back, close the door, walk away and move on.  Enjoy the music…Life is beautiful.  We’re all human.

Love, Thanks and Hugs to You,

Jennifer
xo