I gazed up at the stars last night and asked; “How many soulmates are reunited in the sky and shining down on us?” You answered; “All of them, they are connected for life. You meet your soulmate when you find your soul. Their light and the moon inspire us to carry on”
At sunrise, the world felt so alive, I could feel its heartbeat Birds happily singing and sharing playlists in springtime It’s lilac season now, the smell and color of pure joy and happiness Our heartfelt conversations last for hours and hours… While each fragile heart has so much to say and share Especially when it comes to nature and each other After all, timing is everything in nature, and with love
Rainfall, one of the most bittersweet sounds of both sadness and romance The day I almost lost you, the skies opened up and cried endlessly, but I cried for you even more… How many silver linings are in these clouds? These silver linings are a blessing and often overlooked in life, as is the blue sky in nature
One Friday afternoon, you spread the blanket under a swaying willow tree surrounded by a canopy of greenery above and soft green grass below How beautiful was that? This special memory will remain cherished in my mind and heart forever
One evening, we painted sunsets at the beach with hues of pink, orange, yellow, and purple Waves gently curled themselves on the shore the same way your fingers curl around mine I still get butterflies when you take my hand in yours These butterflies are a sign of transformation, a change for the better As we sit and watch the sparkling sun dance across the lake and feel calm
I remember when you surprised me with a romantic dinner on a mountain top It was as if we were in heaven yet there we were on earth I felt the wind brush through my hair the same way you do with your fingers, I love that so much You opened your heart carefully like a dahlia blooming in late July Sharing windows of opportunity inviting love inside like sunshine, I wish it will stay forever Every living, breathing thing grows, evolves, changes, blooms with patience, and needs to be taken care of, and loved
Time passes quickly and how I wish it would stand still; just for a moment As I look at you I realize how connected we are to nature, life, and each other If I ever miss you, all I have to do is step outside, look up at the stars suspended deep in the midnight blue sky, and there you are…
“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived. ~ Chinese Proverb
In my book, “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” I talk about a coin having not only two sides, but three. Heads, tails, and the edge. The two sides represent two different points of view from two people opposing each other; heads and tails. However, the edge represents the truth, facts, or reality behind a situation that is often avoided, overlooked, or hidden. On the edge of truth or reality, are the reasons that run deeper than both points of view. Therefore, the possibility of gaining a new perspective is there to consider, but only when you have an open mind and heart, is when you can own your behaviors and the role you played in the relationship. I’m talking about accountability and responsibility. We are no longer insecure toddlers saying, “not me!” Or at least we shouldn’t be. After all, it’s the truth on that skinny little edge that will set you free, if you dare to go there.
Lessons Learned in 2021:
Do you know what’s interesting? You can’t invite something or someone new in your heart until you create the space for it. To do that means doing the work to heal from your past over a good amount of time, then letting it go for good
Stuffing the past inside never works; it causes toxic emotional constipation and that’s not fair to the next person involved because it always comes out later as an emotional explosion. Who wants that?
Be wise enough to know how important self-love and self-respect are and they will guide you on what to do to heal
If someone tries to play mind games, create doubts, have sneaky conversations, or show inconsistencies, RUN! Kenny Rogers was right all along
Continue setting boundaries. They protect your mind, heart, body, and soul. If someone gets angry with your boundaries, then all the more reason to have them
If you ever notice a man using you for your money, get out ASAP. That’s just pathetic, unattractive, and downright scary! Never be a sugar mama
Always remember, when words don’t match actions and they twist it to blame you, that’s called manipulation
When people are not accountable, that’s called gaslighting
When someone labels others crazy or mental, that’s called projection which means they are describing themselves, not the other person
It’s not wise to play with fire, it only takes one tiny match to burn the whole thing down. Unless you don’t care
The ones who give the impression of nothing, tells you everything
You have to learn when your part is over in someone’s story
This chapter is called MAKE ROOM
Relationships are not always meant to be forever, they are here for a reason, a season, and to teach us many lessons. Learn the lessons
Know what you need and want and go for it
Trust the Universe, it knows more than you realize…
Take your power back and live an empowering life
Some of the best advice I ever heard was this, “If she’s told you what she has been through, don’t put her through that again. If you do put her through it, you are selfish and not listening.”
Take note that some people are open books, and some people are illiterate
The wound is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility
Don’t curse my scars when all they ever tried to do was heal me
Evaluate your scars and heal from the inside out
Mistakes are forgivable, patterns are not
Conversations in relationships need to have a resolution or compromise. Anger and aggression are toxic and ruin everything
Thriving in conflict is extremely unhealthy and toxic to anyone’s well-being
People let go when they are tired and they will no longer risk letting go of themselves
I am not required to set myself on fire to keep other people warm
I will not lose me to keep you
Effort and honesty are EVERYTHING…
There is nothing worse than self-betrayal. Listen to your intuition, it’s always right
Don’t trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar; be very discerning. Ask questions
Every damn brick they try to throw at you, use it to stand on and use your voice
Never let them silence you or control you in any way shape or form
Be fearless and face the storm, lean in
Speak the truth, be courageous, set boundaries, give lots of self-care and self-love
I know my worth and I am honoring my spirit every single day
Own emotions, process them, and let them go. The path to true happiness
Get up and out of your comfy zone
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself
Loyalty and honesty are never too much to ask for in a relationship, it’s normal
Burning a bridge isn’t always a bad thing, you can never go back to what hurt you
Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care but because they don’t. Show some self-respect.
Anger taught me how to be calm
Aggression taught me how to speak up
Cruelty taught me self-kindness
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious red flag
When the past is still in the present, that’s another serious red flag
Unkind words about the past = a connection is still present and they won’t let go of the past, another serious red flag
Many red flags do not mean you are at a carnival, pay attention, they are dealbreakers
Look for green flags instead
Incessant whining, complaining, blaming is like living with a dysfunctional four-year-old that is stuck on repeat. No thanks.
Victim mentality is a lack of self-awareness which is annoying
When you are self-aware, you make the necessary changes in your life to move forward
Life is short
Setting healthy boundaries is self-protection and necessary in any relationship
Judging others reveals unhealed parts of yourself
It’s not my job to convince anyone to love me
You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. That’s it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time
You can’t be disrespectful and expect respect in return
Ignoring my intuition is self-betrayal; never again.
My inner peace is non-negotiable
The price you pay to avoid something will always be higher than the price you pay to face it head-on
Living in the past = living in denial. No chance for the present or future to come in. If you don’t let the past die, it won’t let you live today which translates to cheated opportunities and missed relationships
Flat out lying or lying by omission is the same destructive pinch that breaks trust
Hearing what someone says and seeing how they behave are two different things. Focus on the latter
Be accountable for your own shit, turn inward
Avoidance is for cowards
Entitlement and laziness are MAJOR turn-offs
It takes a strong person to ask for help. Be strong
The pain never leaves us, we have to leave the pain. Not everyone is capable of making this effort, even though it is necessary for any healthy relationship
The girl who takes care of everyone needs to be taken care of too. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you ever again
Besides, in a world where you can be anything, be kind
If it doesn’t feed your soul, then it’s time to go
Out with the old, in with the new, let it all go…
Onward and upward…
Amazing people are appearing and re-appearing in my life and my heart is so full of love and happiness ❤
Life is grand…
And just like the edge of the coin, the lessons and truth have set me free…
Thank you 2021!!!
The best is yet to come, let’s pop some champagne! ❤ Cheers ❤
** Hi everyone, how’s your October been? I am happy to say things are going GREAT for me and I am getting ready to write another book! Stay tuned and I appreciate the kindness and encouragement you’ve shown me all along. Have a listen to Adele’s new song Easy On Me and have a fantastic week! 🙂
After reading this title, you might think this blog is about your soon-to-be-16 year-old-son getting his driver’s license; but it’s not.
That’s another story.
Instead, this blog is about relationships and believe me, I’m not an expert in this field but I will speak from my experience and what I’ve learned, not only about love relationships but also about relationships we have with our friends and family, work and with ourselves. The real expert in talking about relationships is my friend Andrea Syrtash who is a relationships author and columnist who has written for Oprah and Glamour magazine, and I give many credits to her for opening my eyes on this vital topic.
Andrea has taught me that the first question I should ask is “Does this person bring out my best?” If the answer is no, then there is either work to be done or you need to re-evaluate whether it’s worth keeping in your life. Not every relationship is forever and some are even toxic. As situations change, people change along with them which is why a re-evaluation every now and then couldn’t hurt and should be done.
An example of a toxic relationship is being with someone who is submissive and enjoys putting you down, they are a control freak. A toxic person will target your fears and feed on them whereas a loving person will sense your fears and try to soothe them. In order for a toxic relationship to change and improve, the toxic person needs to realize they need to take their hands off the wheel and be nice by giving up control for awhile and letting someone else drive because they are not the only one on the road, nor are they the best driver either.
There is nothing worse than a backseat driver.
Relationships take a huge amount of effort on both sides to make them work, whether that’s with friends and family, work, love or ourselves. Over time, it’s common to see people become lazy or complacent in their relationships and this is where it becomes dangerous because people stop paying attention, they get tired and eventually fall asleep at the wheel. The other person ends up feeling left out and even at risk of being taken for a ride. The end result could either be a close call where something major wakes them up just in time, or it could end up being a car crash where everyone gets hurt and some may not survive.
Imagine if both sides are falling asleep at the wheel! Let’s not even go there!
Out of all the relationship types listed here, the relationship with ourselves seems to suffer the most because we say we’re too busy to join the gym, no time to eat, other commitments come first and so on. In order for the other relationships to work well, this is the one relationship that should be tended to first because when you feel good, you want to be good and do good. All of your relationships benefit from the fact that you are taking care of yourself and are paying attention to how you feel so that you have the energy and desire to feed the others.
So how do we stay awake and motivated in all our relationships? Coffee is always good and some prefer Red Bull but what you really need is to ask that important question from time to time “Does this person bring out my best?” This also includes you, do you bring out your best? Learn to appreciate, nurture and care, take an honest look to see if it’s time to adjust your speed, to hold on or let go of the wheel. Pay attention to details because you don’t want to miss anything, or run somebody over. Keep your eyes on the road, and whatever you do, don’t fall asleep at the wheel.
Okay seriously, life is full of lessons whether you want to learn from them or not. When you do learn, you expand your personal growth and development and make necessary changes so they don’t happen again. If you don’t learn the life lessons, they will keep happening over and over until you do. They won’t go away on their own. That’s just the way it is…sigh.
No matter what age you are, something happened to you that affected your life and how you reacted to it changed you. It didn’t kill you, it made you stronger. But what if you could have a conversation with your younger self and give advice that would save you time and grief or give you confidence and perseverance in various areas of your life? I know I’ve thought about this and I’d like to share what I know for sure… now.
You are 21 years young now and are studying very hard to become a nurse. You have chosen a career path that is helpful and compassionate which aligns with who you are and your core values in life. Yes studying is hard, working in the hospital is hard but never give up because you are on the right path; you’ve got this. Know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours, this is the beauty in nursing.
What if I told you when you graduate you will move to another country to work and travel? Not just once but twice. Nursing can open many doors for you and later on there is another big opportunity coming up that you cannot say no to, in Qatar.
Don’t always expect to be acknowledged and appreciated for all the hard work you do, people are tired and busy in their own worlds but in your heart, just know you are doing your best and in the end, you will be rewarded by Him. Know your own self-worth because if you think you are cheap, people will see and treat you as cheap. Try not to control every outcome, just relax and enjoy the ride because you have so much ahead of you, a world of experiences that will blow your mind!
Life Coaching is in your future which is another beautiful helping profession and by walking this path, you learn so much about yourself in the process and it’s an automatic win-win for you and your clients. You will be so inspired, you will really love this but it takes work to get it going. Don’t give up.
Relationships are complicated but a very big part of your life Jen. Friendships are to be treasured and respected by both sides otherwise, it’s not worth it. Everywhere you go, you will meet new friends and connect well with them for life because of who you are. You have many amazing friends who inspire you so hang on tight they are your rocks during your toughest moments. Don’t forget to be there for them too and love them with all your heart. Sadly, one of your closest friends will be diagnosed with cancer and cannot beat it. However, having known her, changes your perspective on life for the better because you learn to appreciate the little things, slow down and look within yourself for answers to life’s complicated questions. You have all the solutions inside you, just dig deep because they’re all there. You feel a deep sense of gratitude for having known her and you miss her.
Family is another important part of your life and you need to show your appreciation for everything they do for you. Nobody’s perfect and everyone is doing the best they can, just like you Jen. Perfection is a dangerous thing and not even possible so let it go. Imperfections are what make people beautiful including you. It all depends on your perspective, try to look at them as your gifts. Your entire family loves you unconditionally, you love them too and you get along with everyone.
Ah, romance, romance. You have met some really nice guys that showed interest in you so far and you have been interested in some of them. But Jen, you need to have more self-confidence you need to love yourself more. Learn how to be assertive and stand up to the ones who don’t treat you right and hold hands with the ones who do. Don’t get blindsided by flattery, take it for what it is which is sweet. Not every guy will understand your kind heart but that’s ok, it’s not your job to convince him of it. Never let the good guy get away, easier said than done. Romantic involvement is complex and fleeting. Don’t settle for someone, make sure your man adores you, protects you, makes time for you, has the same values as you, has your back on everything and knows how to use a hammer! This will save you a ton of frustration…
What you really want is someone who makes you smile, is proud of you, supports you and inspires you, is emotionally there for you and treats you like his queen. Not a man who drains you or takes advantage of your good nature or abandons you. He will love you with his whole heart by making you his number one priority and not let his external environment control how he feels or acts around you.
He must know his own core values and who he truly is on the inside otherwise he is a chameleon adjusting to every external environment, not a man.
If you are looking for a chameleon, go to Costa Rica.
Make sure he never interrupts you or puts you down in front of other people; he should be singing your praises instead. You are a fine catch young lady and never forget that! 😉
You put everyone’s needs ahead of your own and deep down, you want your needs met too and why not? People pleasing and putting yourself last is killing you without you even realizing it. You need to take better care of yourself so you have the ability to take care of others. Everywhere you go you are a caretaker. Learn to set some boundaries for yourself otherwise people will walk all over you as if you were a doormat. “No” is a complete sentence, remember that my love. And whatever you do, don’t let the opinions of others influence you to the point of doing nothing. You’re better than that.
Be very mindful of selfish people and narcissists in your life. They are your biggest threat because they give subtle red flags and are very good at charming you. Take off those rose colored glasses so you can actually see the color red. They are only interested in themselves so don’t kid yourself into thinking they have something to offer you. They are takers and you are a giver so you are vulnerable in this situation. Be very, very careful.
I know you can’t see it now but your heart of gold will fall in love with one man and two children over the years. Unfortunately heartbreak is in your future but this tragedy has its silver lining. You experience two sides of the same coin but you are a trooper, a real warrior. Facing these various betrayals are the biggest stressors you will go through but it’s not what happens to us in life that determines who we are, it’s how we cope and react to it that counts and you have excellent coping skills. Like grace under fire. You are not a victim so don’t play that role, ever. You might feel like you are all alone in this but you’re not. You are stronger than you realize and you have God in your corner. This is a time for self-compassion and practicing self-care, finally. You have put this off long enough Jen so time to pay attention to yourself. It’s self-discovery time. Be a good example for your kids because they are always watching and taking notes. Learn the lessons here and don’t worry so much, everything is going to be okay.
You really need a vacation, you should plan one.
Writing blogs for you is a positive emotional outlet and an incredibly important way of dealing with stress because getting your emotions out on paper or a screen is cathartic. A wonderful healing tool for all. Not only are you helping yourself but also helping others by letting them know we are all in this together, nobody is alone. An amazing world of bloggers is out there and each person has something beautiful to offer, appreciate each and every one of them from your heart because they are probably fighting a battle of their own you know nothing about. You learn to write your way out of this betrayal and when writing the story of your life Jen, don’t let anyone else hold the pen, own it. You get to write your own ending. On the other side of this fear is freedom so hang in there, you’re doing great. You are finding your inner voice and are finally starting to use it. Better late than never girl!
Exercise has always been a priority in your life but during this time you must keep moving more than ever. The physical, mental, emotional and spiritual benefits are endless. Exercise helps to get the negative energy out, clear your mind, release those endorphins and make you feel empowered again. You meet more friends along the way who support you and you can’t imagine your life without them because they are just so fun to be with! You learn new activities like Zumba and PiYo which you even become addicted to!
As you make your way through the pain with your kids, your vision becomes clearer and you slowly get your strength back, thanks to your family and friends here and all around the world. Connection has empowered you to stand up for what you believe in and fight for your rights my little warrior. You are getting to know and love yourself more and more each and every day, the butterfly is emerging. One of the greatest lessons you can learn is to practice gratitude, forgiveness and surrender. These are the silver linings in the dark clouds. You will make it to the other side Jen, you are almost there so don’t give up now. Music and lyrics inspire you and give you energy. There’s one song that’s about standing for something and getting stronger which is exactly what you need right now. You need to stand for you. Share this song with your amazing friends and in the meantime…ROAR!