Pain Becomes The Cure

1707733-Rumi-Quote-Don-t-get-lost-in-your-pain-know-that-one-day-your-pain

Evening summer walks are my favorite because things are quieter, calm, and the sun is less intense.  I feel HAPPY.

As I walk down the street, I see a house and the address is DENIAL.  I suddenly feel a pain in my chest and rehearse those words in my head again out of nowhere.  “This can’t be happening, don’t worry about it.”  I think of what I lost and keep walking.

As I turn the corner onto the next street, I see another house and the address is BARGAINING.  I suddenly feel a lump in my throat and remember how desperate I was trying to hold on and make a deal.  “If you can just tell me how I can fix this, then everything will be ok.”  The loss feels heavy but I keep walking.

As I reach the cul-de-sac, I see another house and the address is ANGER.  I suddenly feel trapped with a pit in my stomach and all I want to do is scream at the heavens above me.  “How could you do this to me?”  Strangely enough, I feel a burst of energy and start running up the street, passing BARGAINING and DENIAL.  I ask myself, “What is going on here?”  I’m sure I look crazy to some.

As I run to the next street over, I see a lake at the end and I am drawn towards it.  There’s a house on the corner and the address is DEPRESSION.  I suddenly feel waves of sadness come over me and the tears start flowing and flowing.  “It’s not easy, I feel so alone…I lost everything.”  The loss feels huge and I am exhausted.  Then for some reason, I turn around and walk down the same street passing the other houses in no particular order and they each have a strange way of haunting me.  I don’t understand why or what is happening but I somehow keep walking.

Years and miles go by up and down these streets, passing house after house, experiencing feeling after feeling.  Over time I discovered a new street I was avoiding all along and started walking that way.  I see a house that catches my eye and the address is ACCEPTANCE.  I finally feel peace and happiness just standing there looking at it.  I think to myself how long it took to find it after years of walking, running, feeling, and forgiving.

Take a breath…

This blog is dedicated to anyone and everyone who has lost someone or something in their life.  One thing I know for sure is that grieving is different for everyone.  The stories of loss might be different, the order and length of grieving stages might be different, but the emotions are the same and that’s how we are all connected.  Don’t compare your inside to someone’s outside because you’ll always lose.  You will heal when you are ready, you are not on a schedule, but you have to keep going and ask for help.  Triggers can still happen but the only way out is through because one minute you’re happy and the next minute you are grieving one or more of the stages.

But in the end, the pain becomes the cure.  That I know for sure.

Take another breath…

You’re doing your best ❤

 

Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

*I would like to give a shout out to one of my good friends and soul sister, Danielle Lewis because on Monday, October 21st, she is releasing her new podcast called “Mom’s Still Standing”  You can subscribe to her podcast on iTunes, she has some great guest speakers on it too 😉

I love this song Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves.  Have a beautiful weekend everyone ❤

*Copies of “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” are available at all online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU ❤

~ Dare to live courageously…

 

 

Beautiful Destination

20190922_215851

I remember the day you went on a faraway vacation
As usual, you packed your bag last minute
Emotional baggage has always been your carry on, and it’s too heavy
You said you felt lost and needed to find yourself

After boarding the plane, you heard a song
The pain you were running from was now running after you
Affecting your heart, mind, body, and soul
You searched for a hypothetical bandaid to conceal a hypothetical bleeding wound

How inappropriate

After drying your eyes, you closed your eyes
And off to sleep, you went
I felt like a fly on the wall watching you from the outside in
Like a compassionate parent watching a suffering child

After arriving, the final destination was breathtakingly beautiful, just as you had hoped for and imagined
The warm sun made you smile
The beauty all around made you happy
The scents in the air woke your senses
I remember how grateful you were in that exact moment

Change is good

I begged you to please unpack your negative emotions from your heavy carry on
To take a break; you’re on vacation now
Put loneliness on a shelf and sadness in a drawer
Hang all your fears in a different closet and close the door
As they say; out of sight out of mind

Replace these emotions by packing peace, happiness, and love into your life instead
Be open to life’s possibilities and opportunities
Focus on the good and be grateful for everything you have
Time to practice self-compassion and self-care in such gorgeous surroundings

This vacation was exactly what you needed to push the reset button on your life
You deserve all the good things life has to offer, be patient
You realized the further you try to run away from it all
The closer it brought you home to yourself
Isn’t that interesting?

And what a beautiful destination for you to be in right now ❤
Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

****Hello everyone and thank you for reading my blog!  This picture was taken in the Himilayas, India 2016 at a retreat I visited when my divorce was finalized.  During that trip, I met friends, ate delicious food, listened to mesmerizing music, tried yoga, saw some breathtaking sights, and finally took some time for myself.  What an amazing healing experience that was for me.

It isn’t necessary to travel far each time, because even a change of scenery close by can make a world of difference in your mental and emotional health.  Travel taught me how to be more self-compassionate, which led me to self-care and eventually to self-love.  Writing has also been extremely helpful in my healing process and I feel so much better now.

How do you heal from something difficult?

****Copies of Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak are still available at all online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU

~ Dare to live courageously…

Resurfacing

GettyImages-597572085-584819855f9b5851e593fd0b

It’s been a while since I posted a blog but so much has happened in my life these past two months.  In a nutshell, my mom had a 13-hour surgery to remove blood clots from her pulmonary artery that were blocking the blood flow from her lungs to her heart.  She developed post-op complications, followed by a stroke.  A two-week hospital stay turned into a two-month and counting hospital stay and life-changing events.

I had to temporarily stop working to be with my mom and she is in a city 5 hours from my home.  Luckily, I have friends I can stay with and that helps me and my stress levels tremendously.  I am trying to balance everything there and here while practicing the self-care tips I previously blogged about.

Things are more stable now with my mom, she is slowly recovering and will hopefully be discharged from the hospital and transferred to her hometown sometime in January.  It’s been two stressful months of tears and cheers, uncertainty and re-stabilizing.

There was a time when we didn’t know if she would make it or not.  One day I sat by her ICU bed while she was still in a coma hooked up to the respirator and wrote this poem for her while I waited and prayed.

It’s been months I’ve heard you gasping for air
In between endless appointments and tests
Your support system has been incredible as your body slid under the surface
Yet your spirit hovered above it
The human body and mind can compensate for anything
You certainly proved that to us all
After having your surgery with the best doctors, nurses, and all hospital staff
While you lay there, I sit here
Watching you
Amazed at your strength while you are weak
Waiting and praying, praying and waiting
Every day is the day of 10,000 miracles
I see you start to resurface and I am hopeful you can do it
Like watching a diver swim up from the depths of the ocean
So ready to take that first breath of air on their own
While resurfacing…

I love you, mom ❤

Jen
XO

Thank you to everyone who supported me in every way, along the way ❤

Book Review: Hope We Never Meet Again

DSC00879

I not only had the opportunity of reading Hope We Never Meet Again, an amazing psycho-thriller novel written by Srinath Krishnamoorthy, but the privilege to follow his blogs in WordPress and meet him in person recently.

Srinath, I’m throwing my hat up into the clouds right now for you my friend!  When we met at the Delhi Airport and you brought and signed my very own copy of your book, it was a moment that I’ll never forget.  Is it true that it’s the first copy to leave India?  Thank you so much for that and for meeting me in Delhi while promoting your book at the Delhi International Book Fair.  Now that I have read it cover to cover, I would like to give my book review for you.

DSC00882                   941040_10153849465839557_5983224730819678058_n

As you know, our friend Darshith was the one who introduced me to you and your book because he gives great blogger and book recommendations for me 🙂  When I first read the sample chapter on Amazon I was hooked and had to have it.  You immediately caught the reader’s attention by breaking the silence and taboos of sexuality and relationships by the way you described the thoughts of desire that naturally run through everyone’s mind.  You carried that “Indian spiciness” throughout the book especially in the last three chapters… Wow!   After having visited India and riding in an auto-rickshaw, Chapter 6 gives the auto-rickshaw a whole new meaning!  No wonder your book is flying off shelves and into the hands of readers who turn the pages like the wind!  Sexuality is a normal part of life but some refuse to acknowledge that.  Pretending it doesn’t exist is unrealistic and unfortunate.  Bravo for speaking up about it all, I was hooked and obviously I wasn’t the only one!

I really liked the way you had different story lines happening with flashbacks and suspenseful twists and turns at the end of each chapter.  There are several life lessons integrated within the book as well like how it’s important to say what you need to say to someone before it’s too late.  And sometimes by taking the wrong path in life is okay because it leads you to the right one eventually.  Most of all, one small shift or decision such as scribbling a phone number down from a bathroom wall can change everything because ultimately it’s our decisions that shape us.

It’s ironic you mention Canada a few times in your book before we even met.  There are no coincidences in life, only miracles.  This Canadian girl gives your book two big thumbs up and I’ve been recommending it to all my friends and family here since I got home after an amazing trip to India!

Srinath I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I Hope We Do Meet Again.  And it looks like we will 🙂  Keep writing, keep inspiring and keep on being YOU.  You are a shining example of how many of us WordPress bloggers can live the dream of becoming an author one day.  Thank you for all your encouragement for me to write my story as well.

Cheers to changing the world, one book at a time!

 

Much Love,
Jenny
xo