It’s Finally Over

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Her view was mostly of his back
He was far too busy to notice, especially her
When  pointed out, he walked away from her
Communication was his weakest link
The emotional abandonment was suffocating and humiliating for her
Being ignored was the worst empty feeling of all
She felt alone and excluded,  yet she was with him
The sting of emotional betrayal was overwhelming and nauseating
How could this be happening after everything she gave him
Gone was her independence and confidence during those years
Sadly her efforts to impress went unnoticed
Yet somehow he still benefited from the results
Her head hurt from banging it against the wall
Begging for his attention
She felt she didn’t exist and unimportant, at least with him
Schedules, impressions, ego were his priorities
Invitations elsewhere were taken with pleasure
Decided and enjoyed, leaving her behind
She felt she didn’t have a choice which took away her voice

Until one day a job opportunity came for her in a faraway land
An opportunity not just for her but for the family
To be treated like a queen and highly rewarded for all her hard work
He encouraged her to pursue this adventure
The spotlight had shifted from him to her
It was finally her turn to do more, have more
The law of divine compensation was at play
However, seething jealousy swept in
Robbed her of this happiness, this chance of a lifetime
What did he do?
He backed out, refusing this opportunity for himself
Advised her to go alone
His world was far too important to leave behind and support her in this quest
These foolish games were killing her and them
She was so tired of feeling alone
Betrayal came in many forms and shattered her heart one crack at a time
His jealousy and control were building daily over her

That’s when everything changed…
She realized this was not about her but all about him
Like all the other times he abandoned her

And then…. it happened, the day after Valentine’s

A hurling punch of ultimate betrayal slapped her across the face with brute force
Causing physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual harm to her body and soul
He took away Everything from her world
Her cracked heart was broken, bleeding and wailing
The invisible crown she wore fell, and crashed into a wall
Jewels she collected over the years shattered into a million pieces
Lifelessly falling to the floor,  she tried to pick them one by one
Screaming, reaching and crying a river of tears
Every act of control on his part felt like she was being strangled tighter and tighter
He was kicking her while she was down; the pain was excruciating
She was unable to get off this emotional roller coaster ride
And it was sucking the life out of her
Her world was rapidly spinning out of control into a downward tornado spiral
She knew this was the end but failed to realize
It was also her new beginning…

Gradually, she picked herself off the floor
Had no idea she was in the driver’s seat
She could finally break free and live her life the way it was intended
With people who care and make time for her in their busy schedule
And don’t take advantage of her good nature
Friends and family gathered round, carried her when she couldn’t walk
Resisted sleep all night until sunrise; stayed and talked with her
Buried the darkness when she needed the light
Spoke for her when she couldn’t speak
Listened when she finally found her voice and the words
Dried her tears when they wouldn’t stop flowing
Made her laugh and smile to cut through the pain
Encouraged her to shake and pound it out through exercise
Books, quotes and songs repaired her soul one phrase at a time
Hugs and virtual hugs meant everything to her
Friends and family became her strength, her lifeline, her everything
Standing by her side through every mind controlling appointment and conversation
Taking her shopping and moving her into her new palace
Helping to re-attach the shining jewels to her invisible crown
And wearing it like a boss knowing she’s worth it, dammit
While carrying on courageously and not missing a beat in her life
Rising strong like a hero and not a poor victim
Pouring out her emotions and detoxifying her soul through writing
Connecting with more friends around the world that inspire and support her
Skype, Hangouts, texts and social media bring friends who are far, close to her heart
She doesn’t feel alone or ignored anymore, she is smiling
Her heart and mind are open, she can breathe again

Finally she disembarks this wild emotional roller coaster ride
Thanking her guardian angels for riding along side with her
This girl is on fire now and has her strength back and more
She walks into the appointment with her pen in hand
Signs the document that changes her life forever and for the better
Her inked signature says it all loud and clear
It’s finally over.
And this time…
She walks away with her back to him for the very first time
And rocks it

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** A special thanks to Darshith for letting me borrow his awesome idea of adding music to my blog 😉 **Thank you** 🙂 Since this post has a before and after, I chose two songs; Foolish Games by Jewel and Brand New Me by Alicia Keys.  Thank you for reading and listening, I know it was long but I just had to get it all out, turn my back, close the door, walk away and move on.  Enjoy the music…Life is beautiful.  We’re all human.

Love, Thanks and Hugs to You,

Jennifer
xo

WHAT IS YOUR I.Q. IN EMOTIONAL MATHEMATICS?

Who here loves math?  Who here loves emotions?  Well, did you know that the two of them can go hand in hand and can either set us free or hold us back in life?  Please allow me to explain.  You become what you believe-not what you wish for or want, but what you truly believe.  Wherever you are in your life, check out your beliefs because they put you there.

I have come across several people in my lifetime who are pretty upbeat and positive and see the glass as half full.  Then there are others who continually play the victim even when things are going well for them and yet they only see the glass as half empty or sadly, empty.  Why is that?  It’s because of an emotional equation that keeps repeating itself over and over again.  OK, pencils and erasers ready:      Let’s think negative for only a moment.  If there is something new you would like to do in your life but you think and believe that you will never make it or that you are not worthy or good enough, then this will become your focus.  What you focus on which is that you are not good enough will morph into your intention which then becomes “I’m a failure.”  You haven’t given yourself a chance and you are already failing in your own mind.  Seems pretty harsh doesn’t it?  By setting your intention, this is what you focus on which will become your reality, failure.  So what your thoughts, beliefs, focus and intentions are, becomes your reality.  Here is the emotional mathematical equation:  Thoughts x Beliefs x Focus x Intention = Reality. 

Now let’s take a positive spin with the same equation.  Someone would like to change careers and they really think that they are capable and deserving of a life that is full of happiness and excitement.   Of course they are scared but they believe they have all the skills necessary to do what is required to move forward in their lives.  Therefore, moving forward and doing what needs to be done becomes their focus.  They act like a fearless warrior taking on challenges and conquering fears that stand in their way and not letting them get the best of their mindset.   They are happy and grateful.  Their intention is that they will do anything to live their best life with passion and flair.  Suddenly, their reality is that they have new doors and windows opening up for them that they never imagined before and their sense of happiness has soared which attract other people.  (Law of Attraction for all you physics people…)  Their reality just landed them a new career.  The same emotional mathematical equation was used here but with different attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, focus, intention and reality.  Where do you fall in these examples?

Sometimes we arrive on the scene in the middle of this equation by witnessing an individual who is extremely focused on something whether it is positive or negative and we ask ourselves, “wow, he/she is so focused on….What is behind all that?”  What is behind it are their thoughts and beliefs, fuelling the fire.  If it is a negative thought and belief, the good news is that it can be transformed into a positive one if realized in time and more importantly, if the person wants to change their thoughts and beliefs.

So where does it all begin and end?  It begins with your thoughts and beliefs period.  It all depends on how you set out to tackle a situation.  How it unfolds is a reflection of your focus and intention.  Therefore, you cannot blame anyone for your reality which is essentially where it all ends.  Just as our beliefs can move us forward, they can also hold us back.  Why not choose to be happy and loving instead of fearful and full of doubts?  We are in charge of our own lives it’s up to us to not only find what fills our hearts, but how.  Happy studying and here’s to the glass half full!   Cheers!      -JJ