Hell’s Bureaucracy

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Welcome to Hell, everyone, let’s have some fun!  Today we are going in by the back door and listing all the possible ways to build an even worse Hell!  What could be better than renovating that disgusting place and creating more torture?  So pull up a wobbly chair with no cushion, have a warm beer with cold soup and here we go!

In order to identify values, sometimes we need to think backward.  What does that mean exactly?

If you don’t know what your values are, all it takes is a violation and you will instantly feel what is right or wrong in your books.

Values are who we are at our core; right now, not who we wish we were.  Values are what is important to us, they are the “why” to everything and drive our behavior.  For example, some values might be, respect, considerate, honest, hardworking, loving, etc.  They are one-word answers to who we are and how we live our lives.  You can always add more values to your life with different experiences but they don’t change because they’re innate.  Beliefs are the changers and the self-limiters but that’s not why we are here, let’s not go there.

Let’s get back to Hell…

All relationships are based on values whether it’s at work, with friends, family, love or yourself.  Values define why that particular relationship is important to us and if they hold the same values we do.

If you aren’t sure what your values are then you will have a great time in Hell because this is where the clash happens and all the possibilities are negative, not to mention torturous!  So let’s make a list of what Hell might look like in a relationship or at work:

Disrespect, discourage, dishonesty, ignored, stealing, lying, humiliation, harassment; just to name a few.  How do you like living in Hell so far?  Do any of these words rub you the wrong way?  If that’s a yes, keep on reading little devil…

Try answering these questions; “What are some of the best forms of self-torture?” Or, “In the ideal Hell, people would never….”  Or even, “In the ideal Hell, people would always try to…”

Feeling hot yet?  How’s that warm beer?  Are the flames getting a little too close for comfort down there?  Good!  Let’s flip this Hell right now.

Disrespect becomes respect, discourage becomes empower, dishonesty becomes honesty, ignored becomes appreciated, stealing becomes sharing, lying becomes trust, humiliation becomes pride, harassment becomes justice.  Starting to feel better, more like home?  I would hope these bold words resonate more with you than the Hell words do.  Would these words be important in your relationships or at work?  Why?  Once you answer the “why” then you have defined your values.  I’m sure you have more words in there… keep making your list!

What title would you give to your new world now that you’ve flipped it on its head?  You get to decide.

Now flip those three questions around in a positive way and answer them with your new title; “What are some of the best forms of self-care?” Or, “In the ideal (title) people would never…” Or even, “In the ideal (title), people would always try to…”

Sometimes going in from the back door isn’t a bad thing after all.  To know what we want, we need to define what we don’t want and to know who we are, we need to know who we are not.  What we can tolerate.  Plain and simple.

Thanks for playing Hell’s Bureaucracy, I hope you had fun and it helped.  A cold beer would be nice right about now 😉

 

Much Love ❤

Jen 🙂

 

**Believe it or not, this is a life coaching tool to help people identify their values so they can improve their relationships in their personal and/or professional lives.  It works well, I’ve even used it on myself!  If you are interested in having a life coaching session with me, please send me an email at jgreen7984@gmail.com

 

**If you are new to my blog or a treasured reader/follower, please be sure to check out my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” by Jennifer Green.  Available at all online bookstores worldwide or FriesenPress online bookstore.

~ Dare to live courageously…

 

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Dare To Live Courageously

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I’ve always admired the strength and courage in others and recently with myself.  I think we are all more courageous than we even realize or admit to and it’s time we shared our thoughts and experiences to support, inspire, and empower one another.  My blog is called Courage Coach so it only makes sense to write a blog about it.  I have to say, I really enjoyed receiving each and every answer from all who contributed and I wanted to keep it anonymous, however, one of my friends decided to add his name to his quote so you will see that in there 😉 (I also weaved my answers into the blog).

There’s enough negativity out there in this world and let’s face it, shit happens.  However, if you can pick yourself up off the floor and turn things around for yourself in a courageous way, then you’ve got this.  We’ve all been there which makes us more connected to each other.  Learn to drown out the gremlins in your head and those who judge you because until they have walked a day in your shoes, they have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about.  So here we go, let’s see what all of you had to say about what courage means to you.

“For me, courage means……..”

To stand up for what you believe in

Facing your fears, no matter how miserable you feel, no matter how much you want to escape the situation.  But standing up for yourself even when all the cells in your body don’t want to

Accepting the fact as it is…it’s the ability to do something that frightens me the most

Having the guts to follow and do the things, be it anything.  Heart over mind or anything else

A seven letter word I have no inkling about!

Facing your darkest emotional fear

Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at its testing point

All courage takes is one last positive thought to cancel out the one hundred negative thoughts before it

Taking action despite the fear, not ignoring it

The only survival tool for life.  Without courage, the world will kick your ass

The hidden natural ability provided by God to overcome the odds

Walking up to your ex and introducing yourself to his girlfriend

Ziplining with your kids

Ziplining with your mom

Riding roller coasters that scare the living daylights out of you, just to please your kids, friends or family.  Or even better, your girlfriend or boyfriend…

Forgiving someone, forgiving yourself

Sitting in the Dr’s office waiting for test results

Announcing your illness to everyone, especially your loved ones

Going for surgery, chemotherapy or radiation treatments

Admitting you screwed up, taking responsibility for it and truly apologizing to the person

Traveling by yourself and eating in restaurants by yourself

Writing your heart out in blogs or whatever

Writing a book and putting it out there

Telling your friends and family you are gay, hoping they will still accept and love you

Going to a dance without a date

Saying “I love you” or saying “I like you”

Asking someone out, not knowing the outcome

Admitting you had an affair

Leaving a stable job, changing careers and going for something you love to do

Moving to a new country or city away from your family

Changing your behavior so you can improve the relationships around you

Despite having a racing heart and wobbly knees, and fear the size of an elephant, courage is getting up from your seat and doing what your heart desires

Following your dreams and persevering despite what other people might think

Starting your own business and trusting in the process

Putting yourself out there with online dating.  Going out on dates again

Confronting a bully who takes pictures of other women on the bus without them knowing by taking a picture of them while threatening them you will put it up all over the station telling everyone about them if they don’t stop

Doing what you think you can’t do

Reporting a fraud but the person doing a fraud is someone you know

Trying to have a baby with IVF even though your family is against it

Giving up a baby for adoption

Getting a divorce

Telling your kids you and your partner are getting a divorce

Leaving an abusive relationship

Attending an event where your ex and his/her family are all there

Public speaking

Telling your parents you failed an exam in school

Courage means…me.  I am courage embodied.  Every day, big or small…I show courage in how I live.  Living with an anxiety disorder makes me realize “I am courage.”

Courage is confidence

Going back to school many years after you graduated

The cowardly dog!

Courage is something that comes out of love…like a soldier’s courage comes from his love for his nation

Asserting yourself!

Courage is when you have nothing to lose but so much to attain

When I don’t care what others think

When I am only there for myself

When I will move one step forward than I was a second ago

Courage is when we are not even

Telling my wife I got fired from my job

To agree to disagree and remain friends

To say how you feel about someone or something

To give your opinion even though everyone might disagree with you

Dance like nobody’s watchin’, sing a song or play a musical instrument on stage

Taking care of yourself by going on a diet and exercising

Saying “No”, setting a personal boundary

Wearing a bikini whether you’re a top model or not

To propose to the one you love

Courage is to get married

Courage is to be single

Being scared shitless but not letting that stop you

Trying out for a local sports team but not making it.  Being ok with that

Trying something new and adventurous like parachuting or bungee jumping

Cutting your hair short

Courage is to take a leap of faith

Rolling up your sleeves no matter how difficult the passage is and to keep loving life

Facing the things you would rather run away from.  Like saying sorry for something you did or accepting an apology from someone who did something to hurt you.  It’s doing the right thing, even though it can be scary.  It’s backing down from an argument because nobody was going to win that one anyway.  It’s realizing the person you thought was perfect isn’t perfect after all, but trusting and maintaining a relationship with them anyways.  It can be something that seems small…wearing that dress and telling yourself you are beautiful, even though you put on 10 lbs this year.  It can be something huge…putting yourself on the line…physically or emotionally, especially when you don’t see the short-term benefit…but you know that someone, somewhere, sometime, might benefit from what you had the courage to do or say.

Not giving up…Even though you would sometimes because the challenges are difficult and you can’t really do anything about it

Standing out from the crowd, not being a trend follower

Stepping out of that comfort zone!!

Following your dreams and desires

Choosing what must be done over what is easier to be done

An act or state of absolute freedom.  Freedom where one is solely motivated by his/her innermost core, irrespective of the nature of the result, reaction or consequence

Fear is always found in courage.  That’s why it feels so good after you do something courageous because you conquered your fear

Courage is when there’s no other way ahead and all we can do is move ahead, be stronger, be confident, and face the consequences.  It is one of the rare feelings which has no cons.  Being courageous can never make one unhappy.  So if you aim to become happy, be courageous  ~ Darshith Badiyani

This was a super fun blog to put together because it was a large group effort 😀  All my gratitude to everyone for sharing your courageous thoughts with all of us ❤

I hope you feel inspired, dare to live courageously…

Much Love ❤

Jen
xo

Tuning In To the Voice Within

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When there’s too much noise around you, that cute quiet voice within goes unnoticed.

I read an interesting and quirky article written by life coach Martha Beck and wanted to give my take on it for all of you.

We have two voices that try to talk to us which are the logical ones such as parents, teachers, society and the other voice which is the wise primordial self.  It’s hard to choose between the two most of the time because of our impressions of them.

Logical voice is named Fang and is very business-like, well dressed, organized and on top of everything.  He’s very opinionated carries a Blackberry and has an impressive resumé.  The wise voice is named Buddy who wears shorts and a tank top with a butterfly tattoo on his back.  Buddy has a great smile and will hug you when you feel down.  Buddy’s resume is brief and has doodle art of squirrels on the side.

Who would you listen to?

When people say they want to find their “inner voice” it’s usually because they’re already listening to a loud, logical and convincing one; Fang.  But does it lead to fulfillment?  There’s another wise voice knocking that wants you to be happy, Buddy.  Fang thinks Buddy is weird but you really want to trust Buddy anyway.  You feel something in common with Buddy but you just can’t put your finger on it.

Voices of social conditioning manifests itself as a stream of thoughts in the head where wisdom often shows up as emotions or physical sensations in the body.  Ever had that gut feeling?  That’s Buddy trying to get your attention.  When something is wrong for you, you’ll feel constriction like knots in your body.  The wise choice unties those knots and makes you feel comfortable and light again.

Fang on the other hand is creating fear shouting “I’m right, do it my way or else!” or “You will fail” or “You don’t deserve it!”  Meanwhile there sits smiling Buddy nice and calm and relaxed taking deep breaths just waiting for you to join him.  Once you join him you are quiet and still and can finally tune in.  Wisdom is stronger than fear but only when you choose it.

Maybe you could tell Fang; “Yes I am worthy of this and if I fail the world won’t end and I’ll try something else.”  Fang will be upset for sure but with every choice like this your wisdom grows stronger and you can begin to ignore Fang so you can get out and play with Buddy.  He seems so interesting anyway.

Here’s your homework:

Think of a difficult decision or situation you are in right now that’s been keeping you up at night 😉  Ask yourself these three questions.

  1. What would calm do now?
  2. What would peace do now?
  3. What would relaxation do now?

This not only helps to open your mind but most of all your heart in order to find solutions.  The more often you ask these questions the more energy you feel which is your own wisdom.  When you feel the tension loosening up then you know you are on the right path heading in the right direction; the wise one.

And that’s what your inner Buddy would do.

By tuning in to your voice within, you not only choose wisdom as your advisor, you make this way of choosing your new way of life.

Happy Valentine’s Day Every Buddy  ❤

 

Much Love As Always,

Jen
xo