Let Go or Be Dragged

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As we move closer to the end of 2017, it’s a wonderful time to become more reflective of what happened, ask ourselves what we desire in 2018 and determine what’s important to us and why.  I recently did this exercise with my wonderful friend Basak.

For me, it’s been a year of ups and downs, and at the same time, I’ve learned so much about myself in the process like how to apply some additional coping mechanisms to decrease stress.  How to surrender and let go has been BIG on my agenda.  Letting go of who and what’s not right for me is a constant learning experience and I know I’m not alone.

One thing I am grateful for this year is how well our co-parenting scenario is going.  Especially for the sake of my kids because we are all doing the best we can with what we’ve got in our new normal and that’s a huge relief for everyone.

The dating world is another story, I am still learning how to recognize red flags more, and let go of those clever wolves in sheep clothing.  Dating has been both good and not so good but I refuse to let that drag me down and around.

Just like Richard Branson says; “If I cut you off, chances are you handed me the scissors.”  It’s better to let someone walk away from you than all over you.  Just let them go one way, and you go the other way.

I learned how to park my brain and engage my spirit by being grateful for everything I have both internally and externally.  I crave inspiring things and people in my life.  It’s what’s on the inside that matters most to me.

Let’s be honest, life is complex and our emotions even more so when you are being dragged.  This can be painful like when you’re swinging on those monkey bars and hanging on so darn tight.

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We can’t move forward if we are always looking backward.  Sounds simple but it’s true.  Try driving a car while always looking in your rearview mirror.  I’ll make sure I’m off the road that day!

Stop trying to fit in and go where you belong.  That’s where you can be your true self and feel comfortable with who you really are.  Find your tribe, let go of bad vibes and people that drag you down.  Lean into support instead.

I learned to stop hanging on for the sake of other people’s feelings.  This is the most disrespectful thing you can do to yourself.  There’s a saying; “There’s no need to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”  So let go before you get burned.

Forgive yourself for making mistakes, you’re only human just like everyone else.  This will bring you peace.

Above everything, love yourself with every cell in your human body by being self-compassionate.

As author Mark Nepo says “Maybe there’s a better life plan for you that you don’t know about.  Hope for good, allow for even better.”

There will be times in your life when you don’t know why something is happening.  Create your own closure if you can’t obtain it from the source.  Instead of trying to find a happy ending, why not try and create a new beginning?

I learned it is physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally exhausting to hang onto something that is dragging you around, especially for so long.  Listen to your body and intuition.

Picture this…

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A guy is on the ground being dragged behind a horse and is hanging onto the reins for dear life.  The horse goes about his business every day, eating, galloping, doing number one and two, but the guy will not let go despite knowing it doesn’t feel good, smell good, or look good, he’s just hangin’ on to hang on!  The horse gallops and jumps in all kinds of weather and there’s that guy, still hangin’ on through the air, mud, and tall grass.  From an outsiders point of view, what do you see here?  What do you think of him as he gets dragged right in front of you?  Are you screaming inside your head saying “OMG just let go!”  This guy doesn’t realize he has a choice; to be courageous and do something about it.  Excuses like being in “limbo” don’t cut it but making a decision certainly does.

Remember those scissors?

Life situations are very similar.  We hang onto something dear to us that we can’t accept has already left and we end up being dragged.  Or we let go but keep running back to the same problem in the first place, even though we know it’s not right for us.  This destroys our self-respect, dignity, and self-worth.  It’s poison to our brain and once we realize we are sick and tired of being dragged, only then can we finally let go.

If someone or something is running away from you, let go because that means it wasn’t meant for you anyway.   It was there for a reason, but now it’s over, so time to move onto something much bigger and better.

Being dragged by someone or something blocks the Universe from letting the light and good enter our lives.  However, once you let go, you create an open space that’s always been there but now the blockage is gone and something better can arrive in its place.

Back to the horse scenario, learn how to let go of the reins, get up, dust yourself off, and don’t get dragged anymore.  Run your own race and stay in your own lane where you belong.  I’m sure that horse is tired of dragging you around anyway!

From what I’ve learned, when you do let go, you attract what’s right for you in return.

So here’s to less drama in 2018 and continuing to learn more about how to let go of what’s not meant for us so we can choose the path to true happiness.  Why?  Because we’re so darn worth it!

Let go or be dragged.  You always have a choice.

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“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck” ~ Dalai Lama

Enjoy your holidays, much love and gratitude to you ❤

Jen
XO

PS:  My book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” is available at all online bookstores worldwide.  Dare to live courageously…

 

 

 

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Golden

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Golden ~by Ruth B

The fire used to burn
All the words used to hurt
But you’re not like us
You are different
I couldn’t see that that was a compliment
Cause the last thing I want now is to be you

And the flames don’t feel as hot as they used to
Burn, burn, burn,
They used to yell
You thought I was coal
My friend, I’m gold, can’t you tell?

Burn, burn, burn
They used to yell
You thought I was coal
My friend, I’m gold, can’t you tell?

Cause I’m not weak,
I’m not broken,
I am bold
And the fire you put me through turned me into gold
I’m not done, I’m no loser
Watch me take on my bright future
Tonight I’m no bronze, I’m no silver,
You’ll be thinking damn I knew her
But you didn’t
Don’t get it twisted

Out of the ashes you buried me in,
I, I am golden
I, I am golden

You tried so hard to break me down
Like a fire-breathing dragon,
But I guess I took your crown

You pushed for me to change for you
But I’m so glad that I stayed true to who I am
Burn, burn, burn
They used to yell
You thought I was coal
My friend, I’m gold, can’t you tell?
Cause I’m not weak, I’m not broken
I am bold
And the fire you put me through turned me into gold

I’m not done, I’m no loser
Watch me take on my bright future
Tonight I’m no bronze, I’m no silver
You’ll be thinking damn I knew her
But you didn’t
Don’t get it twisted

Out of the ashes, you buried me in
I, I am golden
I, I am golden

The fire that you tried to burn me with
It made me who I am
All the things you said I couldn’t do
Guess what, yes I can

The fire that you tried to burn me with
It made me who I am
All the things you said I couldn’t do
Guess what, yes I can

Cause I’m not weak, I’m not broken
I am bold
And the fire you put me through turned me into gold
I’m not done, I’m no loser
Watch me take on my bright future
Tonight I’m no bronze, I’m no silver
You’ll be thinking damn I knew her
But you didn’t
Don’t get it twisted

Out of the ashes, you buried me in
I, I am golden
I, I am golden
Golden, gold
I, I am golden, golden, golden.

Golden is one of my favorite songs that inspires me in so many ways.  It makes me think of my book which is about how I survived and coped through my separation and divorce in a positive way while trying to work as a single mother, pick up all the pieces and wear a smile through it all while dying inside.  I didn’t let this control me, I took control myself.

The book release date is March 2017 at this point and I will keep you posted as it gets closer.  This book is for anyone who’s had to live through heartbreak but came out golden because of it.  Don’t let someone push you around, you’re worth way more than that type of treatment and deserve real love.  Sometimes we don’t realize our courage, strength, and resilience until we’re in it and I think we’re all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

You deserve a pat on the back and so much more…

Much love and gratitude to you 🙂

Jen
xo

This Girl Can

This post goes out to all the girls who think they can.  You can get rid of that stress, you can push yourself to the limit, you can do anything you set your eyes on doing, you can live well and look amazing!  It’s mind over matter girls and you’ve got this…that fire inside you is there for a reason so get moving and get inspired because you’re worth it!!!!  Let’s go Zumba lovers!  😉

Love you,

Jen
xo

10 Ways To Set Your Life On Fire

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“It’s better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.”  ~ Elizabeth Kenny

  1. Housekeeping: That’s right, but not that kind of housekeeping.  What I am referring to is getting your mind, body and soul clean by re-organizing what is important to you and why.  Start making priority lists and discard the rest.  There’s nothing better than a good dusting to see what’s hiding underneath it all.  Keep your mind fresh and clean by keeping your thoughts positive.  Keep your body happy and healthy by exercising and getting rid of unwanted body fat!  Keep your soul revitalized by being true to yourself and not pretending to be someone you’re not.  Keep the fire burning by being authentic, not fake because fake fizzles out really fast.
  1. Hasta La Vista Baby: Say goodbye to narcissists and people who are not your true friends.  These types of people drain you and don’t have time for you so why hold onto them?  Respect yourself by knowing you are worthy and a joy to be around, it’s their loss if they can’t appreciate you.  If someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it.  People who keep you hanging in silence for their own benefit need to be cut out immediately.  Not only is this selfish and hurtful, they aren’t worth it and life is too short.  Now you can start learning the words to #Alicia Keys song “This Girl Is on Fire!!” or any other song with the word #FIRE in it. Actions speak louder than words. 
  1. Connection: Say hello to the people who excite you and bring joy into your life!  People who make you laugh are definitely going to set your life on fire and fan your flames because not only are they fun to be around, laughter wakes up all the cells in your body, boosts your immune system and if done long enough, makes your face hurt in a good way.   Forget social media and get out of your house and off your phone!  Meet people face to face and start connecting with them on many different subjects.  You will walk away feeling content and grateful for knowing them.  Be kind to your friends and treat them right by making time for them.  If there is someone you have always wanted to talk to and haven’t yet, now’s the time to find the courage and “Just do it” like #Nike says.  Remember, this is an article on how to set your life on fire, not play it safe so get out there!
  1. New Hobby Anyone: Still trying to figure out how to use that epic camera you bought last year?  It’s time to take it out of the box and start snapping some shots!!!  Sign up for a photography class and make that commitment to learning something new outside your box!  By taking a new class you might find new friends and connect with people you never knew existed.  Whatever your hobby is, the point is to get started and try something NEW.  Not your usual hobby because new is what starts the spark and the spark is what starts the fire!
  1. Dance: What’s your favourite tune?  Whatever you love to listen to, get off the couch and turn up the music!  When music is played louder than usual, it can actually light you up from the inside out and bring back those loving feelings and memories.  Upbeat music causes this natural instinct to get your body moving and before you know it, you’re singing along and feeling great!  There is no way you can feel depressed when singing and dancing so it’s great to rekindle with the oldies but goodies or with the latest and greatest hits.  Remember high school?  You get to choose the music so tear up the dance floor and light your fire!
  1. Be Adventurous: Still longing to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, run that marathon, bungee jump off that cliff or get that wild haircut you always wanted?  If you are into that kind of risk taking then congratulations, you are living on the edge and your life is already on fire!  For the rest of us, adventurous can mean other things like zip lining, travelling or public speaking.  Yikes!  When you do something new, it’s exciting and it can have several positive side effects like bragging rights to all your friends and posting pictures of yourself everywhere.  You feel that sense of accomplishment for being courageous enough to do something outside your usual pattern of living and not procrastinating about it.  You know what they say, life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  Do what scares you!
  1. Spice It Up: Whether it’s an old flame your current flame or a new flame, this is a great way to ignite the fire within.  Just pick one flame at a time!  Life gets busy and we tend to ignore our love life more than we should.  When was the last time you bought something spicy?  All flames are precious so be kind, respectful and take care not to get burned or end up burning the one you care about.  Whatever you do, don’t burn a bridge.  Try to keep the fire burning between you in order to keep things interesting and alive!
  1. Make a Career Move: Easier said than done I know.  People tend to stay where they are because it’s safe.  Life is not safe people.  It’s about risk taking and being happy so if you have something in mind like a dream to work somewhere new or try something different, I am here to tell you that it’s possible.  Maybe you are a secretary who is very artistic and would love to paint.  Begin it.  Maybe you’ve always dreamed of working in another country?  That is a sure way to set your life on fire with culture differences and being exposed to new ways of doing your usual job.  Start exploring what’s out there and talk to people who have already taken that leap through the ring of fire.
  1. Book a Vacation: When was the last time you went somewhere fun?  Do you tend to go to the same place with the same people?  Well, it’s time to kick things up a notch.  Grab your closest friend and book that trip you’ve always wanted to do!  At one point in your life, you have to hit Disney World.  One of the craziest ways to set your life on fire is by riding the roller coasters like Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Ride.  When you hop on, it takes off like a rocket at 57 miles an hour with the songs “Walk This Way” and “Dude Looks Like a Lady” blasting in your ears from the speakers in the headrest.  If you don’t see your life flash before your eyes at that point… you must be dead.

 10. Hire A Life Coach: I know, it sounds like a sales pitch which it is and it isn’t.  So here’s the thing.  Coaching isn’t for everyone but let me ask you this; what is having your life on track worth to you?  What is the value in knowing who you are, what your hidden interests are, what excites you and what you are capable of doing?  By setting goals and creating an achievable action plan, you will be on your way to building your own fire.  Not only will you have amazing results in your life, but you will also have fun along the way!  That is definitely worth it so come on, let’s light that fire together!  Please feel free to check out my website at: couragecoach.wordpress.com or contact me at Jennifer.juneau1@gmail.com

Follow me on #Twitter @fjj_juneau or like my Facebook page #Courage Coach.  See you there!

**Contact me at jennifer.juneau1@gmail.com

FIRE ~ by Judy Sorum Brown

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FIRE ~ by Judy Sorum Brown

What makes a fire burn

Is the space between the logs

A breathing space

Too much of a good thing,

Too many logs

Packed in too tight

Can douse the flames

Almost as surely

As a pail of water would

So building fires

Requires attention

To the spaces in between, as much as to the wood.

When we are

able to build

open spaces

in the same way

we have learned

to pile on the logs,

then we can come to see how

it is fuel, and absence of the fuel

together, that make fire possible.

We only

need to lay a log

lightly from time to time.

A fire

grows

simply because the space is there,

with openings

in which the flame

that knows just how it wants to burn

can find its way.

Welcome to December, the busiest month of the year for so many.  The thing I love about this poem by Judy Sorum Brown is that it illustrates the importance of spacing things out and being mindful by using the metaphor of a fire.  With all the shopping, Christmas parties and preparations, how do we manage to squeeze it all in? The key is by remembering our own health and wellness and spacing things out.  What gives you energy is the needed space within your work/ life balance.  Too many tasks packed into a tight schedule can be draining or even lead to burnout.  Create your schedule by paying attention to balancing the space between your personal time as much as to your work time.  You will actually stoke the fire of work/life balance and keep your own fire burning.  If you decide to build a fire during Christmas, keep this poem in mind and have a wonderful, peaceful holiday!     -JJ