You Be The Judge…In Your Own Life

20180310_101153

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

How interesting that people from the outside looking in are like experts on how those who are struggling should live their lives.  It’s one thing to give helpful advice so they can move forward but to sit back, criticize, and judge is absolutely ridiculous.

Why?

One reason is that they aren’t walking in your stylish shoes (which probably don’t fit them anyway) so they don’t know how to saunter like you.  Secondly, people don’t really know who they are as an individual; their wants, needs, or values, so how can they know an outsider so well and tell them what to do? Thirdly, it shames people into thinking they’re not good enough and living in shame for 30 seconds or 30 years is painful.

The theory of having two sides to a coin, meaning two sides to a story is another narrow-minded way to think because technically, there are three sides to a coin, head (one perspective), tails (the other perspective), and the edge (the truth).  Furthermore, there are many layers to each side that run deep which means more reasons and perspectives on each side, therefore, not so cut-and-dry.  When someone judges you based on this theory of two sides to a story, they are judging out of their own insecurities and revealing unhealed parts of themselves.  Therefore, it’s not about you, it’s about them and saying these types of things make them feel better and you feel worse.  What they do know is only a version of the truth which is not much, and maybe only partially true.

For those of you who are being judged in silence by people who never dare to have an actual conversation with you, I can completely empathize.  What I know is this; when you do something wrong, admit it to the person involved and apologize for it.  As for the additional peanut gallery who may or may not hide but continues to judge you, let them go.  If you tried something new and it didn’t work out, admit it and move on.  It’s fine to fail at something, as long as you gave it your all and learned from your mistakes.  Not everyone is going to marry, have kids, be rich, drive a BMW, or have their dream job, but here’s the thing… You can decide what’s best for you in the end.  Always remember, nobody is living a perfect life.

These days judgment is everywhere from how we parent, work, our lifestyles, health choices, interests, relationships, vacations, cars, houses, and all the way down to what kind of underwear we buy, how we take a selfie, and which haircut we get.

Seriously??  Suddenly the phrase “mind your own business” comes to mind.

We are all on the same journey in life and we are all on different paths to get there.  That’s ok.

You can’t control what other people say or do but you can control how you react to it.  Instead of judging others and what they are doing, focus on yourself and you be the judge…in your own life.

Be the man (or woman) in the arena, and dare greatly.

Much Love ❤

Jen

**P.S.  For those of you who bought and read my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” I am extremely grateful for your huge love and support.  I hope you enjoyed it and if you’re interested in leaving a book review on my website, please let me know and I will happily arrange it for you.  Have a wonderful week! XO

 

 

 

 

Genuinely Interested or Just Curious?

eUU1dqH5LZzpo0QO0EU5qK8YKW

I recently met with one of my friends and we were talking about this exact topic because there are times in every stage of life when somebody is questioning what we do.  Whether it’s how we wear our hair to how we raise our children and even how we express our creativity.

Effective communication whether it’s with loved ones or complete strangers should be out of respect.  Respect for why they do the things they do and don’t do and respect for privacy.  Some questions should never even be asked like “When are you going to start a family?”  This is not only a personal question it strikes a chord with some so deep because maybe they tried to have a baby and it’s not happening yet or maybe they are in the middle of a fertility treatment they don’t want to reveal and shouldn’t have to.

Relationships are another hot topic people like to dive into with a list of questions at their fingertips.   “Have you started dating” or “When are you going to get engaged?”  Perhaps that person isn’t ready to date yet because of a previous fall out in their life or for someone else getting engaged is not that simple due to family issues.  But people pursue and keep asking more.

Raising children is probably the biggest one of all because since there are so many stages they go through, it’s difficult not to compare with other families.  But here’s the thing.  Books are a great guide they are not the Bible.  Every child develops differently at different rates and as long as the Dr is happy with their progress and the family home is a happy one, that’s all that matters.  Some children develop slower than others because of a health issue and when someone questions their progress by comparing it to a child without health issues, is that even fair?

When faced with these types of situations in our life we need to ask ourselves some questions first.  Is this person genuinely interested in my life or are they just curious, or plain old nosy?  What is the motivation behind their questioning?  Are they trying to make small talk?  Will I ever see this person again even though I’m sitting beside them on a plane for the next 5 hours?  You do not need to divulge your personal life to anyone unless you feel comfortable doing so.  There’s no need to answer that question if you feel they are just being curious.  People who are genuinely interested in what you have to say are the ones who won’t judge you.  They’re with you and in it for the long haul.  Sure advice might be given but you can take it or leave it, in the end, it’s your decision anyway so don’t let it bother you.

As far as being creative, we all have it, we’re all artists in some way shape or form.  Some of us just use it more than others and nobody’s perfect.  There’s no need to start a rally to get people on your side.  Enjoy what you do and love every minute of it.

If you feel like shaving your head or chopping your hair short then by all means go right ahead.  It’s time for people to put the judgmental magnifying lens down and start trusting people that they have the ability to make good decisions on their own.  Just because they aren’t doing things the way you are doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

And if you don’t believe me, are you genuinely interested or just curious?

 

Much Love ❤

Jen