We were walking on a path through a beautiful green forest, and you confessed, “Sometimes I feel lost”
I held your hand and said, ” It’s ok, we all feel lost at certain times in our lives. Don’t give up, go North, and follow your North Star
When you get there, follow your heart in everything you do, find your passion, set goals, and achieve them
A life without cause is a life without effect
Live your life on purpose, and do what you truly love. Pay attention to everything and everyone around you, and happiness will find you
There’s a reason why you were named after a hurricane off the coast of Southern California
You’re both strong and wild…
Take these traits and know the possibilities are endless in this life. The whole world is open and waiting for you
Miracles happen every day. I still remember the day we met, definitely a miracle…
14,625. That’s how many steps it took for you to find me that day, so unexpectedly. Therefore, anything is possible if you just believe
Sometimes what hurts us is what heals us. Life can be hard but at the same time, it can teach us many things. Just like love
You taught me how to love and how to be loved. Love was the healer and the teacher. Life became brighter and better. Now I’m here for you”
That’s when I woke up…
In the morning, I saw your text, “I had a dream last night, I know what I want and it’s you. I’m coming North and I’ll arrive like a hurricane”
I smile to myself and think, isn’t life interesting, dreams really can come true
In the end, it all makes sense. The happiness of one becomes the joy of all…
Love,
Jen ❤
Happy October everyone! ❤ I hope this month brings you positive vibes and cherished moments. Life is always changing, so we need to change with it to find our own happiness. Please enjoy this song by the wonderful Josh Groban, Don’t Give Up
I vividly remember the day I met you, a late Friday afternoon So unexpected and under strange circumstances I fell apart while opening my heart and you caught me For the first time, in a long time, I felt safe and protected
You told me, “Stop carrying around this heavy heart It hurts in the moment, but it hurts, even more, to hold on Give your mind, body, heart, and soul a break. Let it go my dear”
One door closes, and five more open That’s how the Universe works We know we met for a reason But we don’t know where it will take us
We live in between the space of knowing and unknowing After all, that’s where all the good stories are As we know, our stories are definitely good ones Yes there’s uncertainty ahead, but let’s leave the unanswered questions behind
I want to run away with you and only you Sharing delicious food and sipping fantastic wine While sitting Oceanside under a lemon tree in Italy Lemons are a symbol of healing and cleansing both physically and spiritually Yellow promotes hope, happiness, abundance, and vitality All the main ingredients in any successful relationship
The other night, I asked you to paint me a poem “About what?” you asked “Anything, that’s the beauty of poetry and art. Do what inspires you” You said, “A painting is something seen rather than felt, and poetry is something felt rather than seen. Therefore, I see you and feel you”
Love, the very thing that made me die inside before And now, love, the very thing that makes me feel alive when I’m with you The fire inside burns brighter and stronger than the fire around me I want to die young, as late as possible as long as I’m with you
This breakthrough made me feel for the first time in a long time My heart is smiling and I feel like I’m in Wonderland Sometimes the life we want isn’t the life we get because the Universe has something better in store for us Trust the journey that lies ahead, be open to what’s next, and know that everything happens for a reason
I guess the Madhatter was right all along “The secret Alice is to surround yourself with people who make your heart smile. It’s then, only then that you’ll find Wonderland”
Much Love,
Jen ❤ XO
How is everyone’s summer going so far? I hope you’re enjoying each day and feeling happy. Please have a listen to this amazing song By Your Side ~ by Sade, which goes so well with this post 😉
I gazed up at the stars last night and asked; “How many soulmates are reunited in the sky and shining down on us?” You answered; “All of them, they are connected for life. You meet your soulmate when you find your soul. Their light and the moon inspire us to carry on”
At sunrise, the world felt so alive, I could feel its heartbeat Birds happily singing and sharing playlists in springtime It’s lilac season now, the smell and color of pure joy and happiness Our heartfelt conversations last for hours and hours… While each fragile heart has so much to say and share Especially when it comes to nature and each other After all, timing is everything in nature, and with love
Rainfall, one of the most bittersweet sounds of both sadness and romance The day I almost lost you, the skies opened up and cried endlessly, but I cried for you even more… How many silver linings are in these clouds? These silver linings are a blessing and often overlooked in life, as is the blue sky in nature
One Friday afternoon, you spread the blanket under a swaying willow tree surrounded by a canopy of greenery above and soft green grass below How beautiful was that? This special memory will remain cherished in my mind and heart forever
One evening, we painted sunsets at the beach with hues of pink, orange, yellow, and purple Waves gently curled themselves on the shore the same way your fingers curl around mine I still get butterflies when you take my hand in yours These butterflies are a sign of transformation, a change for the better As we sit and watch the sparkling sun dance across the lake and feel calm
I remember when you surprised me with a romantic dinner on a mountain top It was as if we were in heaven yet there we were on earth I felt the wind brush through my hair the same way you do with your fingers, I love that so much You opened your heart carefully like a dahlia blooming in late July Sharing windows of opportunity inviting love inside like sunshine, I wish it will stay forever Every living, breathing thing grows, evolves, changes, blooms with patience, and needs to be taken care of, and loved
Time passes quickly and how I wish it would stand still; just for a moment As I look at you I realize how connected we are to nature, life, and each other If I ever miss you, all I have to do is step outside, look up at the stars suspended deep in the midnight blue sky, and there you are…
“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived. ~ Chinese Proverb
In my book, “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” I talk about a coin having not only two sides, but three. Heads, tails, and the edge. The two sides represent two different points of view from two people opposing each other; heads and tails. However, the edge represents the truth, facts, or reality behind a situation that is often avoided, overlooked, or hidden. On the edge of truth or reality, are the reasons that run deeper than both points of view. Therefore, the possibility of gaining a new perspective is there to consider, but only when you have an open mind and heart, is when you can own your behaviors and the role you played in the relationship. I’m talking about accountability and responsibility. We are no longer insecure toddlers saying, “not me!” Or at least we shouldn’t be. After all, it’s the truth on that skinny little edge that will set you free, if you dare to go there.
Lessons Learned in 2021:
Do you know what’s interesting? You can’t invite something or someone new in your heart until you create the space for it. To do that means doing the work to heal from your past over a good amount of time, then letting it go for good
Stuffing the past inside never works; it causes toxic emotional constipation and that’s not fair to the next person involved because it always comes out later as an emotional explosion. Who wants that?
Be wise enough to know how important self-love and self-respect are and they will guide you on what to do to heal
If someone tries to play mind games, create doubts, have sneaky conversations, or show inconsistencies, RUN! Kenny Rogers was right all along
Continue setting boundaries. They protect your mind, heart, body, and soul. If someone gets angry with your boundaries, then all the more reason to have them
If you ever notice a man using you for your money, get out ASAP. That’s just pathetic, unattractive, and downright scary! Never be a sugar mama
Always remember, when words don’t match actions and they twist it to blame you, that’s called manipulation
When people are not accountable, that’s called gaslighting
When someone labels others crazy or mental, that’s called projection which means they are describing themselves, not the other person
It’s not wise to play with fire, it only takes one tiny match to burn the whole thing down. Unless you don’t care
The ones who give the impression of nothing, tells you everything
You have to learn when your part is over in someone’s story
This chapter is called MAKE ROOM
Relationships are not always meant to be forever, they are here for a reason, a season, and to teach us many lessons. Learn the lessons
Know what you need and want and go for it
Trust the Universe, it knows more than you realize…
Take your power back and live an empowering life
Some of the best advice I ever heard was this, “If she’s told you what she has been through, don’t put her through that again. If you do put her through it, you are selfish and not listening.”
Take note that some people are open books, and some people are illiterate
The wound is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility
Don’t curse my scars when all they ever tried to do was heal me
Evaluate your scars and heal from the inside out
Mistakes are forgivable, patterns are not
Conversations in relationships need to have a resolution or compromise. Anger and aggression are toxic and ruin everything
Thriving in conflict is extremely unhealthy and toxic to anyone’s well-being
People let go when they are tired and they will no longer risk letting go of themselves
I am not required to set myself on fire to keep other people warm
I will not lose me to keep you
Effort and honesty are EVERYTHING…
There is nothing worse than self-betrayal. Listen to your intuition, it’s always right
Don’t trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar; be very discerning. Ask questions
Every damn brick they try to throw at you, use it to stand on and use your voice
Never let them silence you or control you in any way shape or form
Be fearless and face the storm, lean in
Speak the truth, be courageous, set boundaries, give lots of self-care and self-love
I know my worth and I am honoring my spirit every single day
Own emotions, process them, and let them go. The path to true happiness
Get up and out of your comfy zone
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself
Loyalty and honesty are never too much to ask for in a relationship, it’s normal
Burning a bridge isn’t always a bad thing, you can never go back to what hurt you
Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care but because they don’t. Show some self-respect.
Anger taught me how to be calm
Aggression taught me how to speak up
Cruelty taught me self-kindness
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious red flag
When the past is still in the present, that’s another serious red flag
Unkind words about the past = a connection is still present and they won’t let go of the past, another serious red flag
Many red flags do not mean you are at a carnival, pay attention, they are dealbreakers
Look for green flags instead
Incessant whining, complaining, blaming is like living with a dysfunctional four-year-old that is stuck on repeat. No thanks.
Victim mentality is a lack of self-awareness which is annoying
When you are self-aware, you make the necessary changes in your life to move forward
Life is short
Nobody’s perfect
Setting healthy boundaries is self-protection and necessary in any relationship
Judging others reveals unhealed parts of yourself
It’s not my job to convince anyone to love me
You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. That’s it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time
You can’t be disrespectful and expect respect in return
Ignoring my intuition is self-betrayal; never again.
My inner peace is non-negotiable
The price you pay to avoid something will always be higher than the price you pay to face it head-on
Living in the past = living in denial. No chance for the present or future to come in. If you don’t let the past die, it won’t let you live today which translates to cheated opportunities and missed relationships
Flat out lying or lying by omission is the same destructive pinch that breaks trust
Hearing what someone says and seeing how they behave are two different things. Focus on the latter
Be accountable for your own shit, turn inward
Avoidance is for cowards
Entitlement and laziness are MAJOR turn-offs
It takes a strong person to ask for help. Be strong
The pain never leaves us, we have to leave the pain. Not everyone is capable of making this effort, even though it is necessary for any healthy relationship
The girl who takes care of everyone needs to be taken care of too. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you ever again
Besides, in a world where you can be anything, be kind
If it doesn’t feed your soul, then it’s time to go
Out with the old, in with the new, let it all go…
Onward and upward…
Amazing people are appearing and re-appearing in my life and my heart is so full of love and happiness ❤
Life is grand…
And just like the edge of the coin, the lessons and truth have set me free…
Thank you 2021!!!
The best is yet to come, let’s pop some champagne! ❤ Cheers ❤
** Hi everyone, how’s your October been? I am happy to say things are going GREAT for me and I am getting ready to write another book! Stay tuned and I appreciate the kindness and encouragement you’ve shown me all along. Have a listen to Adele’s new song Easy On Me and have a fantastic week! 🙂
To all the lovely people who left this earth too soon
How can life feel so long one day, yet short the next?
I wanted to tell you several things before you left
Please believe me, my heart said what it could at the time
I’m just grateful for having the chance to say goodbye
Last night I went outside and looked up to the heavens
I read a poem that said when someone dies, you throw your grief to the sky
The Universe responds and paints that sky shades of pinks and purples
At some point, anger sounds like thunder and sadness feels like rain
Even the wind feels like you are near and just walked past me
Letting go is an ongoing journey
Reminiscing about times together and feeling grateful for precious moments
They say when someone dies, they become your guardian angel; especially a child
If I ever have a question, I know I can ask you anytime
Now you are pain-free, healthy, happy, safe, and peaceful
Reuniting with the ones you loved and lost once before
I take comfort in believing this for the time being
Envisioning your happiness makes me happy
This is my emotional rescue
Life is interesting how we are more connected than disconnected
I know I’ll see you again one day
We can paint the sky together
But for now, I throw my grief to the ground
To hope and watch happiness bloom on earth once again
As the Universe responds
All my love to you ❤
XX
~ This blog was written for the people close to my heart and for anyone who lost someone close to them. I was inspired by one of my blogging friends Rupali Jeganathan and her beautiful poetry.
Please be sure to check out her amazing words on Instagram @missbookthief or her website www.ko-fi.com/missbookthief
As of today, it’s been 5 years since my marriage ended, and I couldn’t be happier. As strange as that may sound, let me explain why.
Separation and divorce are never wished upon anyone but if you are in the middle of one now, you need to find the silver lining and blessings it has for you and your new life because trust me, they’re there. That’s not to say you have to skip the grieving process, in fact, you must go through it to get over it, that I know for sure. Everyone grieves differently and takes their own amount of time to do so and my one piece of advice is to be patient during the process. Once you do accept that it happened, you are able to move onto the silver lining stage.
In the beginning for some, an amicable conversation can take place where both sides agree to separate and live their own lives. On the other hand for some, it’s often a total shock you didn’t see coming. This is exactly what happened to me; I was blindsided. However, the day he left was the day I arrived. This was the part where I found out who I was and what I was made of. Divorce has put my life under the microscope for the past 5 years and I had no choice but to examine it closely.
Relationships are like a microscope looking into our emotional wellbeing. These relationships shine a light on the old and open wounds still begging for closure. Once I was on my own, it was time for me to take a long, hard look at myself and where I came from. What did I have to do to become the person I was meant to be? On the flip side, what did I have to let go of in unbecoming the person I thought I was? I went from being shut down and pleasing to a woman who became vocal with boundaries. This led me to let go of toxicity and hang on to love so that healing could take place.
I’m a firm believer that anything you lose comes around in another form, whether that’s through friendship, a love relationship, partnership, or even self-love. Basically, you get to genuinely meet yourself for the very first time, once and for all. This is the greatest silver lining and blessing in disguise because that’s where you discover what you truly want and need in life. What makes you happy, how, who, and why. It also shines a light on what are your dealbreakers now. All that time under the microscope finally paid off, and I think I gained some years back in my life. How fantastic is that? Time to celebrate, cheers!
“Leave some room in your heart for the unimaginable” ~ Mary Oliver
Empty your heart, dear one
Release all the blockages and pain
Tell me everything
I’m listening…
Untangle the pain and suffering
It’s interesting how messy things can get
How we keep packing one thing on top of another without realizing it
Unpack what you don’t need anymore
Years of accumulated emotions, unspoken words, lost opportunities, secrets, and guilt
They all hold us hostage and they are weighing you down my friend
You let it hurt, now let it go
Bleed it all out…
If you want to be free, learn the lessons
What is life trying to teach you right now
You may not know the answer yet, but in time you will
Dust off your heart and clean it up for new possibilities
Cracks from heartbreak are just that; cracks
You still have a pulse and blood pressure; you’re alive
Anything is possible…
Four chambers pump life into you every single day
Stop the decay and start the growth
Throw away the whip and wrap compassion around yourself instead
Slow down, listen to your heart and trust what it’s telling you
You can do this, you really can
Talk it out
Cry, scream, run, walk, dance, sing, write, draw, laugh
Do whatever it takes to empty your heart
Make space and fill it with love, compassion, peace, happiness, healing, gratitude, and forgiveness
Most of all, make room for those magical moments
For what is real, because that’s what life is all about
Open your eyes and relax
Listen…
A “yes” or a “no” can change one’s life forever
Remember that…
It’s not your previous life or relationship you miss, it’s the routine
Get out of your head
And empty your heart…
❤
Much Love,
Jen
**This blog is dedicated to my dear friend Danielle Lewis in North Carolina who like all of us, is learning how to empty her heart each and every day and she is doing a lovely job! Not only has she started her own healing journey, but she also created her own podcast called Mom’s Still Standing. Please be sure to subscribe to it on iTunes or Spotify. She even has me on there as a guest speaker! I think we can all relate to emptying our hearts at one time or another and just like how we spring clean at home, we need to do the same thing with ourselves. Have a great week everyone ❤
I remember the day you went on a faraway vacation
As usual, you packed your bag last minute
Emotional baggage has always been your carry on, and it’s too heavy
You said you felt lost and needed to find yourself
After boarding the plane, you heard a song
The pain you were running from was now running after you
Affecting your heart, mind, body, and soul
You searched for a hypothetical bandaid to conceal a hypothetical bleeding wound
How inappropriate
After drying your eyes, you closed your eyes
And off to sleep, you went
I felt like a fly on the wall watching you from the outside in
Like a compassionate parent watching a suffering child
After arriving, the final destination was breathtakingly beautiful, just as you had hoped for and imagined
The warm sun made you smile
The beauty all around made you happy
The scents in the air woke your senses
I remember how grateful you were in that exact moment
Change is good
I begged you to please unpack your negative emotions from your heavy carry on
To take a break; you’re on vacation now
Put loneliness on a shelf and sadness in a drawer
Hang all your fears in a different closet and close the door
As they say; out of sight out of mind
Replace these emotions by packing peace, happiness, and love into your life instead
Be open to life’s possibilities and opportunities
Focus on the good and be grateful for everything you have
Time to practice self-compassion and self-care in such gorgeous surroundings
This vacation was exactly what you needed to push the reset button on your life
You deserve all the good things life has to offer, be patient
You realized the further you try to run away from it all
The closer it brought you home to yourself
Isn’t that interesting?
And what a beautiful destination for you to be in right now ❤
Much Love ❤
Jen
XO
****Hello everyone and thank you for reading my blog! This picture was taken in the Himilayas, India 2016 at a retreat I visited when my divorce was finalized. During that trip, I met friends, ate delicious food, listened to mesmerizing music, tried yoga, saw some breathtaking sights, and finally took some time for myself. What an amazing healing experience that was for me.
It isn’t necessary to travel far each time, because even a change of scenery close by can make a world of difference in your mental and emotional health. Travel taught me how to be more self-compassionate, which led me to self-care and eventually to self-love. Writing has also been extremely helpful in my healing process and I feel so much better now.
How do you heal from something difficult?
****Copies of Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak are still available at all online bookstores worldwide. All my gratitude to YOU
Yet the back door is the only entrance where I can get in
As if it’s a secret to have me over
Not only that, the opening is small and guarded
I walk in and see the corners where you hide so well
Where things pile up in a mess on the floor
A small glass window fogs up, the closer I get to you
Interesting how you are just as fragile and tough as the glass
The light shines in as you shut me out
Sometimes you are like the basement; cold and dark
I don’t like it here, I need to get out
Moving upstairs, I see the small dining area
The same place I sat beside you, hearing your laugh, your voice
The cracks on the wall say it all
But the messiest room is the kitchen, you have so much work to do there
Organizing, cleaning, letting go, fixing, how did things get this bad so fast?
Your comfort zone is your bedroom; another hiding place of peace and quiet
Where even more things pile up in a mess on the floor
Waiting to be picked up where you left off
Is everything a joke?
I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror as I pass by
And look at my reflection and ask, “Why am I here?”
I wonder if you know how beautiful your life truly is?
It’s hard to say, but I doubt it
Denial is a strange place to live, but a familiar one for some
Gratitude can change everything if you just looked inward instead
Walking upstairs to the attic, old memories and photos fill the space
I sit there taking it all in as endorphins rush through my brain
Suddenly, I hear a knock and make my way downstairs
Don’t get up I’ll let myself out, I know the way now, thanks
I need to close that back door and leave
Time for me to open the front door…
Much Love ❤
~ Jen
***I hope you’re all having a great summer and enjoying your time with friends and family. Life goes by pretty fast, we need to make sure we find what we love to do and do more of it. Most of all, we need to do that with the people we care about and who truly cares about us. Have a fantastic weekend everyone ❤
~ Dare To Live Courageously…
Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak is still available at all online bookstores worldwide. All my gratitude to YOU ❤
Dare To Live Courageously... 