Project-Self: Self-Respect and Self-Worth

20180704_080112

As I live my life and deal with everything being thrown at me, there seems to be this recurring feeling that never really goes away.  Whether it’s on my good days or not so good days, the topics of self-respect and self-worth are front row and center.

For the past few years, I made a commitment to myself to get to know myself better from within.  When you give yourself what you need first, you get it in return.  For example, if you feel you are not getting respect, ask if you respect yourself first.  If you feel like you are not feeling worthy or validated, are you aware of your own worth?  It also works on the flip side.  For example, if you don’t respect yourself, it is difficult to show respect to others.  If you don’t see your own worth, you will not see it in others either.  This is why it’s so crucial to pay attention to how we behave in all our relationships.  So many people give unsolicited advice to friends, family and even strangers on how they should live their lives but when it comes to themselves, they can’t take their own advice.

Ironic?  Absolutely.

So where do we begin?  With ourselves; by realizing we are enough and deserve happy and healthy relationships right from the get-go.  When in doubt, it’s time to have a little pow-wow with self-respect and self-worth to remind us we need to set boundaries with people and sometimes walk away from it all.  Self-compassion plays a huge role when we are struggling through something like this and we can start talking to ourselves the same way we would to a good friend, in a loving and forgiving way that supports our mental and emotional health.  If you are not a priority in someone’s life then why is it ok to be an option?  If that person you are with is not a priority, then why do you keep holding on?  If someone is treating you badly, ask yourself why you keep letting them?  If someone can’t see your worth, make sure that someone isn’t you.  Rise up.  It takes a lot of strength and courage to let go of toxic relationships that only feed your ego and not your soul.  If you are in an unhealthy relationship and know it, ask yourself why are you staying?  What I know for sure, is that I would rather be on my own than with the wrong person.  Life is way too short and wasting time with someone or with yourself is not a good idea.  We all have a choice and whatever you decide, you are responsible for it.  If you want to make a change, then you have to take action because thinking about it won’t change anything.

By taking action, you are showing self-respect and self-worth because you know in your heart you deserve more than what you’re getting and you are honoring your feelings.  Bravo for realizing it because as soon as you do this, the world opens up and the Universe responds by supporting you.  Draw a line in the sand, stand up, say no, walk away, let go, do what you need to do but just make sure you do something that supports YOU.  Speak your truth!

I would like to share a short letter I wrote.  It isn’t for one person but for the collective bunch who try to disrespect any of us and can’t see clearly.

 

“Dear You,

I know you are struggling to pay attention to me, see me for who I am and make me a priority in your life.  I just want you to know, I don’t need your validation because as of now, everything is over and I’m validating myself.  I’m not upset, I’m awake.  I see what I want and need in my life and I know I deserve more because I’m so worth it.  Out of respect, I have to walk away and since this is a one-sided relationship, this doesn’t work for me anymore.  I can no longer sit here looking straight ahead and seeing the past and no future.

All I ever asked was for you to spoil me with loyalty, love, respect, affection, attention, friendship, and great conversation.  I can finance myself just fine.  Apparently, that was asking too much of you.  What is too much for me is waiting, wondering, and wishing for a life that doesn’t exist with you.  It’s too expensive for my mental and emotional health, I am worth so much more than you’ll ever know.  It’s unfortunate that previous relationships poison present ones because when things are not dealt with at the moment, they carry over into the next relationship.  That isn’t fair to either side but it happens all the time.  Future relationships lose their chance of being healthy if nothing changes from within.

Now I realize that sometimes you have to love people from a distance to let them become who they need to be and sometimes you need to love people from a distance so you can be the person you need to be.  I am owning my emotions so I can let them go while moving forward.  Due to the circumstances and as a sign of self-respect, I have to go.  Maybe one day you will realize you hurt the one girl who would never hurt you.

“People will teach you how to love by not loving you back.  People will teach you how to forgive by not apologizing.  People will teach you kindness by their judgment.  People will teach you how to grow by remaining stagnant.  Pay attention when you’re going through painful and mysterious times.  Listen to the wisdom life is trying to teach you.”  ~ Meredith Marple

All the very best to you and thank you for all the life lessons.”

 

Much Love ❤

Jen
XX

** I hope you are enjoying the Project-Self blogs so far. Thank you to everyone for reading and liking them.  As I write I learn and as I learn I write.  Working on myself is a process but it’s also one I enjoy doing and I hope you do too in your own life ❤

** “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” is available at online bookstores worldwide and at FriesenPress online bookstore.  I am grateful for all the love from my readers.  Please check out the wonderful reviews people have left on my website 😀

~ Dare to live courageously…

 

 

Advertisements

Find A Way

19234-Ryan-Blair-Quote-If-it-is-important-to-you-you-will-find-a-way-If

One of my favorite shows to watch is Super Soul Sunday because it’s all about inspiration.  I recently saw an interview with Oprah Winfrey and long-distance swimmer Diana Nyad where Diana found the strength and courage both inside and outside of herself to swim from Cuba to Florida, not just once…but five times.  The first four attempts, she was unable to make it for various reasons but on her fifth try, at 64 years old, she finally reached her goal after swimming for 53 hours.  I was so moved by this and it made me wonder about my own determination when I want something bad enough that seems out of reach, outrageous, or something people might judge me on.  How did she make the decision to keep trying over and over despite the judgments and roadblocks?  How does the human spirit stay alive?  Diana said it was not only very important to her but it was also because of her mantra “Find A Way.”

How many times have we desired something so badly and when we really looked at it, only saw hurdles, walls or stop signs?  Even deeper, how many of those hurdles did you jump, or walls did you climb or stop signs did you ignore?  The driving force is inside of us, our passion for living, for making a difference, creating a legacy, standing up for ourselves, or setting a personal best record.  Whatever the reason behind it may be, the determination that’s driving us is not only our values and that it’s important to us, but our ability to find a way.  Every day I’m finding a way!

As documented in the first four attempts, Diana Nyad had to encounter severe weather conditions, high temperatures both in and out of the water, high waves and winds, jellyfish, sharks, and asthma.  Just like the person who doesn’t have much money, finds a way to eat, or the single mother who saves money to take a vacation with her kids, or the guy who works long hours but makes time for his girlfriend, they all find a way to get there.  No excuses.  Yes, life is hard but when there’s a will there’s a way and nothing can stand in the way, except us.  It doesn’t always mean you will get what you want, but be proud of the perseverance and determination you have to go after it.

Make a commitment to yourself, stay focused and learn the lessons while you’re at it.

This is the stuff that feeds our soul and heals our hearts because we accomplish something we weren’t sure would be possible.  The gremlins inside our heads are alive and well, and always chatting, not to mention the peanut gallery on the sidelines trying to stop us too.  Do what works for you, not them!  We need to learn how to train ourselves to listen to our intuition instead, that’s our internal muscle speaking!  Sure, it’s possible you might fail, but just know you are daring greatly while everyone else is sitting there watching you…on the sidelines!

None of that stopped Diana. She just found a way, her way and even wrote a book about it.

Consider this, it’s also possible you might succeed.   Wouldn’t that be great?!

If what you’re going after isn’t very important to you, it means you don’t value it very much and the possibility of achieving it is harder because the passion just isn’t there and it’s most likely a belief.  Perhaps what you desire will show up in other forms but we have to pay attention to the signs.  Sometimes walls that show up in our life are there to see how badly we want something and if we can scale it or not.  I call it a little test from the Universe and it’s always right.  Are a couple of big waves going to stop you?

Have you ever wanted something so badly and you did everything in your power to achieve it…. What happened?  Did you succeed?  Did you fail?  How did you react if you failed?  Did you try again?

Find what you love, and when you do what you love;  you will find a way.

Much Love ❤

Jen

 

**Starting in August, I will be writing a blog series called “Project Self” which is all about how we need to put ourselves first, and take good care of us so we can be healthy and attract healthy in return.  Topics will include self-love, self-respect, and so much more.  I recently wrote about self-care with input from others, and I am open to more topics and suggestions if you would like me to write about one.  Thank you for all your support and followings during these past 5 years here on WordPress.  It’s been a true gift and pleasure having you here with me ❤ ❤  I hope you are having a wonderful summer so far!

**If you are interested in my book, “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” please visit Amazon, FriesenPress, or any online bookstore worldwide.

All my gratitude ❤

Jen
XO

 

 

 

 

 

Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak

WWL_Cover (5)

Well, it’s been over a year since I started this journey of writing my first book.  Never in a million years did I think this dream would be happening or right around the corner, but it’s getting much closer to being complete!

As it stands right now, my publisher at FriesenPress is putting the final copyright touches on my book and pretty soon, it will be available through their online bookstore and by June, it will be available on every online platform worldwide!!!

I can’t even control my excitement, having my book released will be something meaningful for me because I managed to turn on a light while being in the dark, I flipped the negatives into positives, and my main goals were to heal myself while helping others in return 🙂

I am sharing a piece of the book cover in the above photo and I would also like to share the Preface from my book with all of you, just to give you a taste of what’s to come, very, very soon.  I hope you like it and once the book is out, I will pass on all the links to where you can find it.  I am planning a book launch and once it is organized I will give you the details on that as well.

Thank you so very much for all your true love and support ❤

 

Preface

As I wrote my book, I was inspired while reading By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho.  Apparently, in his book, there is a legend where everything that falls into the waters of this river is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed.  When you write out your feelings, it is the pen that shoots flames onto paper and bleeds from your soul.  Once it is written, it is tossed into the cold water to extinguish those flames and take away your suffering.  All of my tears and pain could be let go of and washed away by performing this beautiful gesture in a river close to my home.  All I had to do was finish writing my book and head down to the riverbank which is exactly what I did on a cool October afternoon.   As a symbol and blessing to myself, I tossed a copy of my flaming and bleeding manuscript into the frigid waters to extinguish my lingering suffering and have it washed far away.  As tears rolled down my cold cheeks into the river, I saw the manuscript flow with the current, and I imagined it turning to stone sinking far from here, becoming another rock at the bottom of the riverbed.  In that very moment, I suddenly felt the chill in the air, I released everything and let go, and the bleeding in my heart finally stopped.

My name is Jennifer Green and this is my story of how I dealt with my separation and divorce and how I overcame adversity by self-reflection and found the silver linings in my crumbling life events.  It’s not a book of venting or blaming.  It’s about my journey to recovery, accepting my own responsibilities and how I kept a positive outlook and learned some life lessons while living through the most difficult time of my life.  For every chapter I have written in this book during 2016, I am including a blog I wrote on my website in real time with the real emotion of what I was going through in 2015 and 2016.  Therefore, these chapters are the real and personal stories behind the blogs I wrote, alongside my reflections now.

We all fall down in life and I admit I have fallen many times which is painful and hurts so much.  It’s normal to stay down for a while but eventually, you need to get back up and face reality.  This requires some action steps and commitment. But for some, this is where the rubber fails to hit the road.  They may know what they need to do but they can’t even begin to even try.  I know how hard that is because there were times I felt the same way, but I realized that by keeping an open mind and open heart I may fall again and what’s important is finding the strength to keep rising with an incredible support system.

If you’ve ever had a relationship end in a traumatic way and change your world or if you are in the middle of one right now, rest assured you are not alone, I can sympathize and empathize with you and I am by your side.

We can walk through this together.

Thank you so much for joining me on my journey and welcome to my world.

~Jennifer Green

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living On The Edge

1297680379151_original

As many of you are aware and for those who are new here, my first book is about to be released sometime this month.  Needless to say, I am very excited about it and can’t wait to share it with all of you!  My book is about how I coped during my divorce and most difficult time of my life while trying to keep a positive outlook, how I found healthy ways of surviving and the life lessons I learned along the way.

Life’s challenges can help us see both sides of the coin and recently, through a friend, I discovered there’s a third side as well which is the edge.  In this sense, each side can represent each person’s point of view, their thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of what happened.  On the other hand, the edge is considered the sacred space or truth of who you really are at your core.  It’s a detachment from either side, a neutral zone, an understanding, place of forgiveness, a new perspective and even a place of acceptance of what is.

The edge is enlightenment for yourself.  It’s your own truth.

When you stand and live on the edge you are without judgment of another person and you’re not being one-sided.  When choosing the middle path, you choose to be open-minded with an open heart.  You’re able to see both sides clearly and feel free while doing so.

The third side of the coin can equal balance because you are no longer leaning to one side.  Instead, when you stand balanced on the edge, it creates inner peace and happiness for yourself and when you feel ready to let go of the right of being right, that’s when your soul grows and you learn the life lessons you were meant to learn.  Maybe it’s possible that both sides are right?  Consider this, on the edge of reality, are the motivations that run deeper than both points of view.

The edge is the place where I wrote my book from while I reflected on where I went wrong in my life, what I learned along the way and found ways to see the silver linings.  It’s scary living on the edge because it requires both courage and vulnerability to admit you were wrong at times and that nobody is perfect.  At the same time, it’s the place that sets you free and is very healing.

I’m living proof of that.

For the past month, I have been living on the edge in India again, visiting my awesome friends and I attended two exciting weddings there.  I will have a new blog saga coming up titled This Is India 2017 and I look forward to sharing my experiences with all of you.

Be safe, stay blessed and try living on the edge.

Much Love and Gratitude ❤

Jen
xo

Silver Is The New Gold

quotation-arthur-yorinks-gold-people-meetville-quotes-137447-300x205

Your boyfriend/girlfriend just broke up with you or maybe you didn’t get that job you were counting on.  These scenarios are major disappointments in life and if you focus on the negative outcome, you miss the gift of finding the silver lining and life lessons that are often hidden within the situation.

Imagine one of the most challenging situations you had to face and thought you were never going to get through it.  Perhaps it was one of these examples above or something even bigger where the devastation was so great you were immobilized for weeks or months.

Sound familiar?

In hindsight, were you able to see if any good came out of the experience?  What were the life lessons you learned from it?  In what ways did that experience give your life new meaning?

Now think of a challenge you are facing right now.  How might you see your challenge in a new light with a different perspective?  What are some positive possibilities that could come because of this challenge you are facing?

When devastation and disappointment strikes, it’s natural to go into victim mode for awhile.  The key to surviving this is actually having the key to escape that prison you’re in.  Success and failures are two sides of the same coin and sometimes in order to be successful, one needs to fail.  Failures are life’s greatest teachers and are road signs telling us that we’re going the wrong way and we need to look for a new direction.  These are known as the crossroads in our life which can be a great opportunity for a life review to see what we have, what we want and what we can live without.  With every review, things become a little clearer which means you become a little happier and successful in finding your right path.

Let’s suppose that job offer didn’t work out for you and something even better came along.  If you would have been offered that first job, the opportunity for accepting the right one would have been lost to someone else.  By being patient and accepting the right offer you are able to find the silver lining of being rejected in the first situation.

Heartbreak is another story and maybe the most complicated one of all to fully understand.  Even though reasons for why a break up happened are so greatly varied, the feelings and emotions that someone experiences are the same no matter what the situation.  Anger, sadness, grieving a loss are essential feelings to go through in order to make sense of the situation and move forward.  There are times when one person no longer feels the loving connection they once had as a couple and despite the efforts of trying to repair things, it becomes time for them to walk away.  In life, sometimes people can grow with you and other times people grow apart from you.  As hard as it may be to accept this fact, all of this aids in your own personal growth and development because if someone who isn’t right for you stays, then you miss out on meeting the person who is right.

Once free from an emotionally dead relationship, that’s when the process of self-discovery begins which is a beautiful thing because when you know more about who you are, your values, and what you represent then you will attract like-minded people into your life instead of settling.  You become more loving and self-compassionate which allows you to extend that love to others, making it more authentic because it becomes an opportunity to open up your heart and mind.  When you hit rock bottom in a relationship, the only way to go is up because painful endings are beautiful beginnings.  Therefore, learning the life lessons and finding the silver lining in heartbreak are the best things that could ever happen to you and this is worth celebrating.

The possibilities are endless when finding the silver lining in life’s challenges and your job is to find them because silver is the new gold and trust me, you don’t want to miss it.

Wishing everyone a season of peace and joy this December.  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all 🙂

P.S.  My book is due to be released at the end of March 2017 so I will keep you posted on that as well.  In it, I go through the silver linings I found and life lessons I learned which inspired me to write this post as well.

Much Love ❤

Jen

 

Looking Back While Looking Ahead

13876251_1728195890775412_2137856446918557407_n

I read somewhere that you should never look back on things that happened but only look back to see how far you’ve come.  I would like to add that looking back can be a positive experience if your intention is to find the life lesson or silver lining hiding within the situation.

“No experience is wasted…everything in life is to grow you up.”  ~ Oprah Winfrey

Looking back, it’s been one year ago today, October 27th, 2015 when I signed my divorce papers.  Since then I’ve done a lot of soul-searching, writing, learning, and personal growth and development.  The year 2015 was the most difficult time of my life and in 2016, I needed to make it one of the best years of my life.  Looking ahead, I just finished writing my first book which was cathartic.  My new start began with my trip to India in January 2016 and it was the best way to push the restart button on my new life.

I’ve definitely come a long way in a short amount of time.

I am currently in the editing phase with my publishing company and I am expecting to have my book released in early 2017 which I am crazy excited about!  It will be available everywhere online, more details on that to come later on.  I wanted to share this news and blog about it to let you know it’s coming and give you some background information at the same time.

This book is about how I dealt with my separation and divorce and how I overcame adversity by self-reflection and finding the silver lining in my crumbling life events.  It’s not a book of venting or blaming.  It’s about my journey to recovery, accepting my own responsibilities and how I kept a positive outlook and learned some life lessons while living through the most difficult time of my life.  For every chapter, I describe the before, during and after phase by including my reflections now and a blog I wrote on my website in real time with the real emotions of what I was going through in 2015 and 2016.  Therefore, these chapters are the real and personal stories behind the blogs I wrote, alongside my reflections now.

We all fall down in life and I admit I have fallen many times which is painful and hurts so much.  It’s normal to stay down for a while but eventually, you need to get back up and face reality.  This requires some action steps and commitment. But for some, this is where the rubber fails to hit the road.  They may know what they need to do but they can’t even begin to even try.  I know how hard that is because there were days I felt the same way, but I realized that by keeping an open mind and open heart I may fall again and what’s important is finding the strength to keep rising with an incredible support system.

If you’ve ever had a relationship end in a traumatic way and change your world or if you are in the middle of one right now, rest assured you are not alone, I can sympathize and empathize with you and I am by your side.   My intention is to let you know you’re not alone and you can get through it.

Even though every story or scenario might be different when it comes to any type of loss in life, the one thing we all share is our emotions and the grieving process we all go through. That’s how we’re all connected and if we can support one another during our most difficult times, this I know for sure is the best way to survive.

It definitely worked for me, I didn’t do this alone.

Once you have the support you need, you can begin the healing process by taking some responsibility for your own actions because let’s face it, it takes two people to make or break a relationship.  This might come as a surprise to some because when there is a breakup, one person may be more to blame than the other.  This might be true to some extent but the other person definitely plays a role in that relationship which led to its demise whether they want to own it or not.  Life is a journey of imperfections, and trials and tribulations.  Some days, weeks or years are better than others but let’s not forget we’re all human.

Not robots, not perfect and not superior.

I would like to share some words by author Brené Brown that helped carry me through some of my toughest times and I hope they help you too.

Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted

“There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers
Than those of us who are willing to fall
Because we have learned how to rise

With skinned knees and bruised hearts;
We choose owning our stories of struggle,
Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.

When we deny our stories, they define us.
When we run from struggle, we are never free.
So we turn toward truth and look at it in the eye.

We will not be characters in our stories.
Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.

We are the authors of our lives.
We write our own daring endings.

We craft love from heartbreak,
Compassion from shame,
Grace from disappointment,
Courage from failure.

Showing up is our power.
Story is our way home.
Truth is our song.
We are the brave and brokenhearted.
We are rising strong.”

I feel proud for sharing my story with all of you in my upcoming book and I appreciate all of your love and support.

 

Much Love ❤

Jen

Book Review: Hope We Never Meet Again

DSC00879

I not only had the opportunity of reading Hope We Never Meet Again, an amazing psycho-thriller novel written by Srinath Krishnamoorthy, but the privilege to follow his blogs in WordPress and meet him in person recently.

Srinath, I’m throwing my hat up into the clouds right now for you my friend!  When we met at the Delhi Airport and you brought and signed my very own copy of your book, it was a moment that I’ll never forget.  Is it true that it’s the first copy to leave India?  Thank you so much for that and for meeting me in Delhi while promoting your book at the Delhi International Book Fair.  Now that I have read it cover to cover, I would like to give my book review for you.

DSC00882                   941040_10153849465839557_5983224730819678058_n

As you know, our friend Darshith was the one who introduced me to you and your book because he gives great blogger and book recommendations for me 🙂  When I first read the sample chapter on Amazon I was hooked and had to have it.  You immediately caught the reader’s attention by breaking the silence and taboos of sexuality and relationships by the way you described the thoughts of desire that naturally run through everyone’s mind.  You carried that “Indian spiciness” throughout the book especially in the last three chapters… Wow!   After having visited India and riding in an auto-rickshaw, Chapter 6 gives the auto-rickshaw a whole new meaning!  No wonder your book is flying off shelves and into the hands of readers who turn the pages like the wind!  Sexuality is a normal part of life but some refuse to acknowledge that.  Pretending it doesn’t exist is unrealistic and unfortunate.  Bravo for speaking up about it all, I was hooked and obviously I wasn’t the only one!

I really liked the way you had different story lines happening with flashbacks and suspenseful twists and turns at the end of each chapter.  There are several life lessons integrated within the book as well like how it’s important to say what you need to say to someone before it’s too late.  And sometimes by taking the wrong path in life is okay because it leads you to the right one eventually.  Most of all, one small shift or decision such as scribbling a phone number down from a bathroom wall can change everything because ultimately it’s our decisions that shape us.

It’s ironic you mention Canada a few times in your book before we even met.  There are no coincidences in life, only miracles.  This Canadian girl gives your book two big thumbs up and I’ve been recommending it to all my friends and family here since I got home after an amazing trip to India!

Srinath I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I Hope We Do Meet Again.  And it looks like we will 🙂  Keep writing, keep inspiring and keep on being YOU.  You are a shining example of how many of us WordPress bloggers can live the dream of becoming an author one day.  Thank you for all your encouragement for me to write my story as well.

Cheers to changing the world, one book at a time!

 

Much Love,
Jenny
xo