5 Years Under The Microscope

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As of today, it’s been 5 years since my marriage ended, and I couldn’t be happier.  As strange as that may sound, let me explain why.

Separation and divorce are never wished upon anyone but if you are in the middle of one now, you need to find the silver lining and blessings it has for you and your new life because trust me, they’re there.  That’s not to say you have to skip the grieving process, in fact, you must go through it to get over it, that I know for sure.  Everyone grieves differently and takes their own amount of time to do so and my one piece of advice is to be patient during the process.  Once you do accept that it happened, you are able to move onto the silver lining stage.

In the beginning for some, an amicable conversation can take place where both sides agree to separate and live their own lives.  On the other hand for some, it’s often a total shock you didn’t see coming.  This is exactly what happened to me; I was blindsided.  However, the day he left was the day I arrived.  This was the part where I found out who I was and what I was made of.  Divorce has put my life under the microscope for the past 5 years and I had no choice but to examine it closely.

Relationships are like a microscope looking into our emotional wellbeing.  These relationships shine a light on the old and open wounds still begging for closure.  Once I was on my own, it was time for me to take a long, hard look at myself and where I came from.  What did I have to do to become the person I was meant to be?  On the flip side, what did I have to let go of in unbecoming the person I thought I was?  I went from being shut down and pleasing to a woman who became vocal with boundaries.  This led me to let go of toxicity and hang on to love so that healing could take place.

I’m a firm believer that anything you lose comes around in another form, whether that’s through friendship, a love relationship, partnership, or even self-love.  Basically, you get to genuinely meet yourself for the very first time, once and for all. This is the greatest silver lining and blessing in disguise because that’s where you discover what you truly want and need in life.  What makes you happy, how, who, and why.  It also shines a light on what are your dealbreakers now.  All that time under the microscope finally paid off, and I think I gained some years back in my life.  How fantastic is that?  Time to celebrate, cheers!

“Leave some room in your heart for the unimaginable”  ~ Mary Oliver

Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

~ Dare to live courageously…

**I recently wrote an article that was published in the online magazine Thought Catalog and it is titled “An Open Letter To Pain:  I Think I’m Ready To Let You Go”  Have a wonderful weekend everyone 🙂

**As always, copies of “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” are available in all formats at online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU xx

From Sea To Sky…

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It’s 4 a.m and the waves of the blue sea are subtly heard crashing against the shoreline

Sleeping is nearly impossible at this hour

Each morning sunrise, colors run into each other

Like my inner strength unexpectedly does to me

Some days are brighter and others seem to fade

Clouds contain feelings and prayers the same way they hold the rain

It’s strange how not being able to let out any feelings and wanting to remove them at the same time can hold me, hostage

All I can do is breathe, let it all go and see what stays

White clouds turn dark and thunder pounds to the beat of my heart

I feel so fragile right now…

Emotions come pouring out with the downpour of rain, washing my fears away

I realize you broke my heart but opened my eyes

I am somehow grateful for all this pain and grief

Suddenly, the sun comes out behind the same clouds that blocked it

It shines a light on everything, including me

Everything makes sense now

I feel the wind, wrapping around my shoulders, and running through my hair

As if a Higher Power brushes all the toxicity away

It’s a new start now, I can’t lose me to keep you

As time goes on, sunsets are a reminder to lay it all down once and for all

Healing is not linear and I believe this to be true

At night, the waves of the blue sea subtly crash against the shoreline again

I look up and ask the moon and stars for yet another miracle

That’s what people do when needing guidance

I realize you are like the moon and stars, loved and out of reach

However, I trust the force that guides them also guides me too

Now it’s time to close my eyes to old ends

And open my heart to new beginnings

From sea to sky…

 

 “For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen; a gaseous nebula must collapse.  So collapse.  Crumble.  This is not your destruction.  This is your birth” ~ Zoe Skylar

This blog is dedicated to one of my close friends, Caroline Gilbert who is going through a difficult time but she is a strong woman who can get through this.  We have all been heartbroken before so you are not alone my friend.  One day you will wake up and be in a new place of peace and calm.  Where everything feels right.  For now, be at peace with where you’ve been and know that you are being guided to something even better.  Please have a listen to the song Fragile by Sting and have a great weekend ❤

Much Love,

Jen ❤
XO

Feel It To Heal It

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I used to take the back door of my mind to get inside myself
Logic and endless mind games used to play with me there
Some days I would win, other days I would lose
I always felt like something was missing, but what?

One day I realized I wasn’t walking the right way
So I tried the front door, through my heart instead
That’s where I felt all the emotions and where I really started to live
That’s where I learned so many life lessons, at the heart of being present

You can run but you can’t hide
That’s how the heart works so it can be healed
Embrace, forgive and love yourself so more doors can open in your life
Feel those emotions, all of them

Of course, it will be painful;
But would you rather have short-term pain or long-term suffering?
Sadness is inevitable, but that’s what opens doors and knocks down walls
Better to be temporarily sad than numbing all emotions, good and bad
Bitterness and resentment only keeps people stuck and I wasn’t one of them

As I started to feel all my emotions
I started the grieving process
I felt my heart open wide and began the healing process from the inside out
My mind calmed down and I let my heart take over, trusting this process

I lost count of how many times I fell down
But what I can tell you is that I got back up every single time
Yes it was hard and I have scars to prove it but that didn’t stop me
My focus was on feeling better and to do this was through personal growth and development
Not through avoidance or distraction
For the record, I still fall down these days because I am still learning and that’s ok

With an open door policy and smaller walls to climb
I allowed my support system into my heart
Some days they took over when I couldn’t do it for myself
Gratitude is a small word for such a huge act of love
Each stage of grief was a wild emotional roller coaster ride, but a necessary one

Three years later, I am a new woman
I am not the same person who used to take the back door through my mind
Now I choose to open the front door of my heart with ownership, responsibility, and happiness
All this because I found the courage and chose to feel it to heal it ❤

You can too…

Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

 

**P.S:  All my gratitude to everyone who has read or is reading my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” It warms my heart to hear such wonderful feedback, especially when it helps another person who is going through any loss.  We are all connected and you’re not alone.  To pick up a copy of your own, please visit your favorite online bookstore worldwide or my publisher’s website FriesenPress for several available versions.  Have a wonderful weekend everyone ❤

XO