Lessons And Truth Set Me Free

“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there.  He who blames no one has arrived. ~ Chinese Proverb

In my book, “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” I talk about a coin having not only two sides, but three.  Heads, tails, and the edge.  The two sides represent two different points of view from two people opposing each other; heads and tails.  However, the edge represents the truth, facts, or reality behind a situation that is often avoided, overlooked, or hidden.  On the edge of truth or reality, are the reasons that run deeper than both points of view.  Therefore, the possibility of gaining a new perspective is there to consider, but only when you have an open mind and heart, is when you can own your behaviors and the role you played in the relationship.  I’m talking about accountability and responsibility.  We are no longer insecure toddlers saying, “not me!” Or at least we shouldn’t be.  After all, it’s the truth on that skinny little edge that will set you free, if you dare to go there.

Lessons Learned in 2021:

Do you know what’s interesting?  You can’t invite something or someone new in your heart until you create the space for it.  To do that means doing the work to heal from your past over a good amount of time, then letting it go for good

Stuffing the past inside never works; it causes toxic emotional constipation and that’s not fair to the next person involved because it always comes out later as an emotional explosion.  Who wants that?

Be wise enough to know how important self-love and self-respect are and they will guide you on what to do to heal

If someone tries to play mind games, create doubts, have sneaky conversations, or show inconsistencies, RUN! Kenny Rogers was right all along

Continue setting boundaries.  They protect your mind, heart, body, and soul.  If someone gets angry with your boundaries, then all the more reason to have them

If you ever notice a man using you for your money, get out ASAP.  That’s just pathetic, unattractive, and downright scary!  Never be a sugar mama

Always remember, when words don’t match actions and they twist it to blame you, that’s called manipulation

When people are not accountable, that’s called gaslighting

When someone labels others crazy or mental, that’s called projection which means they are describing themselves, not the other person

Manipulation + Gaslighting + Projection = Narcissistic Abuse

It’s not wise to play with fire, it only takes one tiny match to burn the whole thing down.  Unless you don’t care

The ones who give the impression of nothing, tells you everything

You have to learn when your part is over in someone’s story

This chapter is called MAKE ROOM

Relationships are not always meant to be forever, they are here for a reason, a season, and to teach us many lessons.  Learn the lessons

Know what you need and want and go for it

Trust the Universe, it knows more than you realize…

Take your power back and live an empowering life

Some of the best advice I ever heard was this, “If she’s told you what she has been through, don’t put her through that again. If you do put her through it, you are selfish and not listening.”

Take note that some people are open books, and some people are illiterate

The wound is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility

Don’t curse my scars when all they ever tried to do was heal me

Evaluate your scars and heal from the inside out

Mistakes are forgivable, patterns are not

Conversations in relationships need to have a resolution or compromise.  Anger and aggression are toxic and ruin everything

Thriving in conflict is extremely unhealthy and toxic to anyone’s well-being

People let go when they are tired and they will no longer risk letting go of themselves

I am not required to set myself on fire to keep other people warm

I will not lose me to keep you

Effort and honesty are EVERYTHING…

There is nothing worse than self-betrayal.  Listen to your intuition, it’s always right

Don’t trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar; be very discerning.  Ask questions

Every damn brick they try to throw at you, use it to stand on and use your voice

Never let them silence you or control you in any way shape or form

Be fearless and face the storm, lean in

Speak the truth, be courageous, set boundaries, give lots of self-care and self-love

I know my worth and I am honoring my spirit every single day

Own emotions, process them, and let them go.  The path to true happiness

Get up and out of your comfy zone

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself

Loyalty and honesty are never too much to ask for in a relationship, it’s normal

Burning a bridge isn’t always a bad thing, you can never go back to what hurt you

Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care but because they don’t. Show some self-respect.

Anger taught me how to be calm

Aggression taught me how to speak up

Cruelty taught me self-kindness

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious red flag

When the past is still in the present, that’s another serious red flag

Unkind words about the past = a connection is still present and they won’t let go of the past, another serious red flag

Many red flags do not mean you are at a carnival, pay attention, they are dealbreakers

Look for green flags instead

Incessant whining, complaining, blaming is like living with a dysfunctional four-year-old that is stuck on repeat. No thanks.

Victim mentality is a lack of self-awareness which is annoying

When you are self-aware, you make the necessary changes in your life to move forward

Life is short

Nobody’s perfect

Setting healthy boundaries is self-protection and necessary in any relationship

Judging others reveals unhealed parts of yourself

It’s not my job to convince anyone to love me

You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.  That’s it.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

You can’t be disrespectful and expect respect in return

Ignoring my intuition is self-betrayal; never again.

My inner peace is non-negotiable

The price you pay to avoid something will always be higher than the price you pay to face it head-on

Living in the past = living in denial.  No chance for the present or future to come in.  If you don’t let the past die, it won’t let you live today which translates to cheated opportunities and missed relationships

Flat out lying or lying by omission is the same destructive pinch that breaks trust

Hearing what someone says and seeing how they behave are two different things.  Focus on the latter

Be accountable for your own shit, turn inward

Avoidance is for cowards

Entitlement and laziness are MAJOR turn-offs

It takes a strong person to ask for help.  Be strong

The pain never leaves us, we have to leave the pain.  Not everyone is capable of making this effort, even though it is necessary for any healthy relationship

The girl who takes care of everyone needs to be taken care of too. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you ever again

Besides, in a world where you can be anything, be kind

If it doesn’t feed your soul, then it’s time to go

Out with the old, in with the new, let it all go…

Onward and upward…

Amazing people are appearing and re-appearing in my life and my heart is so full of love and happiness ❤

Life is grand…

And just like the edge of the coin, the lessons and truth have set me free…

Thank you 2021!!!

The best is yet to come, let’s pop some champagne! ❤ Cheers ❤

** Hi everyone, how’s your October been?  I am happy to say things are going GREAT for me and I am getting ready to write another book!  Stay tuned and I appreciate the kindness and encouragement you’ve shown me all along.  Have a listen to Adele’s new song Easy On Me and have a fantastic week! 🙂

Love,

Jen xx

Beautiful Destination

20190922_215851

I remember the day you went on a faraway vacation
As usual, you packed your bag last minute
Emotional baggage has always been your carry on, and it’s too heavy
You said you felt lost and needed to find yourself

After boarding the plane, you heard a song
The pain you were running from was now running after you
Affecting your heart, mind, body, and soul
You searched for a hypothetical bandaid to conceal a hypothetical bleeding wound

How inappropriate

After drying your eyes, you closed your eyes
And off to sleep, you went
I felt like a fly on the wall watching you from the outside in
Like a compassionate parent watching a suffering child

After arriving, the final destination was breathtakingly beautiful, just as you had hoped for and imagined
The warm sun made you smile
The beauty all around made you happy
The scents in the air woke your senses
I remember how grateful you were in that exact moment

Change is good

I begged you to please unpack your negative emotions from your heavy carry on
To take a break; you’re on vacation now
Put loneliness on a shelf and sadness in a drawer
Hang all your fears in a different closet and close the door
As they say; out of sight out of mind

Replace these emotions by packing peace, happiness, and love into your life instead
Be open to life’s possibilities and opportunities
Focus on the good and be grateful for everything you have
Time to practice self-compassion and self-care in such gorgeous surroundings

This vacation was exactly what you needed to push the reset button on your life
You deserve all the good things life has to offer, be patient
You realized the further you try to run away from it all
The closer it brought you home to yourself
Isn’t that interesting?

And what a beautiful destination for you to be in right now ❤
Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

****Hello everyone and thank you for reading my blog!  This picture was taken in the Himilayas, India 2016 at a retreat I visited when my divorce was finalized.  During that trip, I met friends, ate delicious food, listened to mesmerizing music, tried yoga, saw some breathtaking sights, and finally took some time for myself.  What an amazing healing experience that was for me.

It isn’t necessary to travel far each time, because even a change of scenery close by can make a world of difference in your mental and emotional health.  Travel taught me how to be more self-compassionate, which led me to self-care and eventually to self-love.  Writing has also been extremely helpful in my healing process and I feel so much better now.

How do you heal from something difficult?

****Copies of Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak are still available at all online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU

~ Dare to live courageously…

Feel It To Heal It

20180408_065710

I used to take the back door of my mind to get inside myself
Logic and endless mind games used to play with me there
Some days I would win, other days I would lose
I always felt like something was missing, but what?

One day I realized I wasn’t walking the right way
So I tried the front door, through my heart instead
That’s where I felt all the emotions and where I really started to live
That’s where I learned so many life lessons, at the heart of being present

You can run but you can’t hide
That’s how the heart works so it can be healed
Embrace, forgive and love yourself so more doors can open in your life
Feel those emotions, all of them

Of course, it will be painful;
But would you rather have short-term pain or long-term suffering?
Sadness is inevitable, but that’s what opens doors and knocks down walls
Better to be temporarily sad than numbing all emotions, good and bad
Bitterness and resentment only keeps people stuck and I wasn’t one of them

As I started to feel all my emotions
I started the grieving process
I felt my heart open wide and began the healing process from the inside out
My mind calmed down and I let my heart take over, trusting this process

I lost count of how many times I fell down
But what I can tell you is that I got back up every single time
Yes it was hard and I have scars to prove it but that didn’t stop me
My focus was on feeling better and to do this was through personal growth and development
Not through avoidance or distraction
For the record, I still fall down these days because I am still learning and that’s ok

With an open door policy and smaller walls to climb
I allowed my support system into my heart
Some days they took over when I couldn’t do it for myself
Gratitude is a small word for such a huge act of love
Each stage of grief was a wild emotional roller coaster ride, but a necessary one

Three years later, I am a new woman
I am not the same person who used to take the back door through my mind
Now I choose to open the front door of my heart with ownership, responsibility, and happiness
All this because I found the courage and chose to feel it to heal it ❤

You can too…

Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

 

**P.S:  All my gratitude to everyone who has read or is reading my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” It warms my heart to hear such wonderful feedback, especially when it helps another person who is going through any loss.  We are all connected and you’re not alone.  To pick up a copy of your own, please visit your favorite online bookstore worldwide or my publisher’s website FriesenPress for several available versions.  Have a wonderful weekend everyone ❤

XO

 

 

 

Even The Caged Bird Sings

caged_bird_sings

I feel your pain and struggles.  I know what it’s like to be imprisoned in your own mind and heart.  Some days the walls are so high to climb, you just want to give up.  I’ve been there in that exact same spot and all I can say is that you need to let it all out.  Express yourself whatever way you know how to do it, but do it from your deepest core.  It’s the only way out where you can find some answers and freedom.

Whether you’re a bird in a cage that is physical, mental, or emotional, there’s always an escape route and that’s by expressing your pain through your creativity.  We are all artists and creative, some just choose to use it more than others.  Find out what fills you up from the inside out and do that as much as humanly possible.  When the caged bird sings, she’s asking for help, saying a prayer, crying her emotions out to the world.  Some days she’s singing because she’s happy and that’s what connects her to the world and when we feel connected, it feels pretty damn good, right?  It’s possible to find the positives within the negatives and feel free even though you are trapped inside your head.  Start by getting out of your own way, close your eyes, and look with your heart instead.  How do you want to feel?  Let that be your measuring stick and your guide.

Feeling stuck on how to be creative?  Here are some suggestions; sing, dance, make videos, write, draw, paint, sculpt, dramatic arts, play a musical instrument, photography, beauty techniques, hair design, fashion, cooking, baking, scrapbooking, interior decorating, renovating, party planning, building, sports, sewing, knitting, gardening, landscaping and the list goes on.  What did you like to do when you were in grade 3?  That’s always a good starting point.

From time to time life is going to make us feel lonely, disappointed, upset, confused, and trapped.  However, despite all that, we need to remember who we truly are and if we don’t know, it’s time we did, because that’s what will help us deal with these tough times and get us through to the other side.  Even when life seems to put up walls around us, it’s possible to live fulfilling lives by using our creativity so it can set us free.

That’s why even the caged bird sings.

Much Love ❤

Jen

 

**I would like to say many thanks, appreciation, and gratitude to everyone for reading my blogs and my new book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak.”  It’s heartwarming to read all the feedback from you and to know it’s making a positive impact in the lives of others because that’s been my intention all along.  I have been and still am a caged bird at times but my writing allows me to express myself so I can heal, feel free, and move on with my life in a positive way ❤

If you would like to pick up a copy of my book, it’s available at all online bookstores worldwide, FriesenPress bookstore and in some physical bookstores such as; Michabou, Prospero Books, Caversham Booksellers, and Chapters Kanata.

On Saturday, August 12th, 2017, I will be hosting a book signing event for “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” at Chapters Kanata in Ottawa, from 11 am – 3 pm.  They are located in the Kanata Centrum Shopping Centre at 400 Earl Grey Drive, Kanata, Ontario K2T 1B9.  Signed paperback copies can be purchased for $20 +taxes.  Hope to see you there!

Many heartfelt thanks for all your love and support, dare to live courageously…

~ Jennifer Green
XO

India Travels: My Journey,Meditation and Dedication

india-diwali-night-satellite-image-hoax

As I embarked on this healing journey, I had intentions to deal with my own DUKKHA-the gnawing sense of dissatisfaction and heartbreak in my life-and to free myself from the shackles of fear, anger, sadness, attachment and aversion for my own benefit and the benefit for all sentient beings-and that is the highest aspiration, BODHICHITTA.

And as I travel, I breathe and focus on the journey-and that is the singled pointed concentration, SAMATHA.

And as I journey to see my blogging friends, we open the windows of our five senses and that of our mind.

We hear the babble of water, the roar of engines, the chirping of birds and our inner silence-and that is SOUND

We see the towns and the beaches, the brightness of sun and the darkness of starry nights-and that is SIGHT

We breathe in the aroma of spices in the markets, the fragrance of incense in temples and the stench of exhaust-and that is SMELL

As I journey to see each and every one of you, we hug one another with total happiness and excitement for being able to meet in person for the very first time-and that is TOUCH

As we eat, we taste the texture of Paneer and spiciness of Golgappa, deliciousness of Chapatis and sweet comfort of Chai-and that is TASTE

As I fly from city to city over rivers and mountains, I watch my mental state, emotions and thoughts come and go-and that is MIND

I become aware of sound, sight, smell, touch and taste and bear witness to my wandering mind-and that is insight-VIPASSANA

As I travel, I see that my outer landscapes are ever changing and so are my inner landscapes; my thoughts, as well as my mental and emotional states; they rise and fall and go through cycles-and that is impermanence, ANICCA

The traveller is one with the path, the friends are one with the traveller, we are all part of the journey and the journey becomes a part of us.  We travel as one, we share joy and pain and as we do, the sense of our separate impermeable selves erodes and diffuses, and whether we are men or women or Canadian or Indian, we breathe as one and feel as one-and that is no separate self-ANATTA

As I go deeper in my compassionate silence at night, I realize that all the things surrounding me, lack their own independent existence-and that is great emptiness-SUNYATA

As we share our emotions without reservations, we do so with compassion and without judgment toward ourselves and each other-and that is loving-kindness, METTA

And through it all I experience the deep, mystical intuitive wisdom of the heart, not the wisdom of knowledge or trying to figure things out-and that is perfection of wisdom PRAJNA PARAMITA

And so my outer journey through time and space becomes one with my inner journey into the arms of forgiveness and healing heart and the discovery of who I really am-and that is MEDITATION

And underlying this entire journey to India and to myself, is an overwhelming sense of gratitude:  to the country of India, to the spiritual healing I came searching for and found and most of all I am grateful for my lifelong friendships with all of you and look forward to many more times being spent together in person-and that is MY JOURNEY, MEDITATION AND DEDICATION TO YOU

I hope to see you again and all my new friends in India soon

 

Dhanyavaad ❤

 

Jenny
xo