As my stomach rolls with the woozy feeling one feels during turbulence, it’s important to point out that I’m not actually the one on a flight, my daughter is. Determined to travel alone and gain confidence and independence, my 21-year-old has embarked on her first solo travel trip.
This has been a few years in the making. 4 years ago she left for a high school trip that would set her burgeoning anxiety disorder aflame. That trip had her believing that not only would she never travel again, but that she would also never eat in a restaurant nor be able to calm the constant turmoil in her mind and body.
A lot has happened in those 4 years, tears, fears, and a slow resolve to not only challenge her anxiety but to make peace with it. A lifelong companion that she could take along for the ride but ride she would indeed!
Our relationship changed a lot through those years too. I felt a revisit to the days of her younger years when she needed me far more mentally to lean on and physically to be near. It was challenging for both of us considering I had my own challenges to deal with. We sort of fell into this symbiotic “there for one another”, struggle buddies if you will. And that became our new normal.
But slowly and with massive amounts of courage, counseling, and education, my daughter has incrementally opened her world wider and wider. This leaves me with where I am today…proud yes, but also knowing I have to make yet another mental shift. Much like the one I had to make 4 years ago but with a 180 twist. The comfort I felt being her support system is no longer needed in those extreme ways. My mental pivot now must be to recognize that she’s on her way in the best possible way a parent can want for their child. To see her no longer as the fragile person struggling who “needs” me, but the brave, strong woman she has become. If I am being really honest, I feel a tinge of being left behind. Being that she is an only child, our bond has been particularly intense. I know this is what you wish for as a parent. A child who grows into themselves fully, independent, and capable. Especially after how arduous the past years were.
As I sit and watch the flight tracker app of her plane, I know she has taken off and I have landed safely.
**This blog was written by one of my close friends for her brave daughter ❤ Well done everyone ❤
“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived. ~ Chinese Proverb
In my book, “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” I talk about a coin having not only two sides, but three. Heads, tails, and the edge. The two sides represent two different points of view from two people opposing each other; heads and tails. However, the edge represents the truth, facts, or reality behind a situation that is often avoided, overlooked, or hidden. On the edge of truth or reality, are the reasons that run deeper than both points of view. Therefore, the possibility of gaining a new perspective is there to consider, but only when you have an open mind and heart, is when you can own your behaviors and the role you played in the relationship. I’m talking about accountability and responsibility. We are no longer insecure toddlers saying, “not me!” Or at least we shouldn’t be. After all, it’s the truth on that skinny little edge that will set you free, if you dare to go there.
Lessons Learned in 2021:
Do you know what’s interesting? You can’t invite something or someone new in your heart until you create the space for it. To do that means doing the work to heal from your past over a good amount of time, then letting it go for good
Stuffing the past inside never works; it causes toxic emotional constipation and that’s not fair to the next person involved because it always comes out later as an emotional explosion. Who wants that?
Be wise enough to know how important self-love and self-respect are and they will guide you on what to do to heal
If someone tries to play mind games, create doubts, have sneaky conversations, or show inconsistencies, RUN! Kenny Rogers was right all along
Continue setting boundaries. They protect your mind, heart, body, and soul. If someone gets angry with your boundaries, then all the more reason to have them
If you ever notice a man using you for your money, get out ASAP. That’s just pathetic, unattractive, and downright scary! Never be a sugar mama
Always remember, when words don’t match actions and they twist it to blame you, that’s called manipulation
When people are not accountable, that’s called gaslighting
When someone labels others crazy or mental, that’s called projection which means they are describing themselves, not the other person
It’s not wise to play with fire, it only takes one tiny match to burn the whole thing down. Unless you don’t care
The ones who give the impression of nothing, tells you everything
You have to learn when your part is over in someone’s story
This chapter is called MAKE ROOM
Relationships are not always meant to be forever, they are here for a reason, a season, and to teach us many lessons. Learn the lessons
Know what you need and want and go for it
Trust the Universe, it knows more than you realize…
Take your power back and live an empowering life
Some of the best advice I ever heard was this, “If she’s told you what she has been through, don’t put her through that again. If you do put her through it, you are selfish and not listening.”
Take note that some people are open books, and some people are illiterate
The wound is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility
Don’t curse my scars when all they ever tried to do was heal me
Evaluate your scars and heal from the inside out
Mistakes are forgivable, patterns are not
Conversations in relationships need to have a resolution or compromise. Anger and aggression are toxic and ruin everything
Thriving in conflict is extremely unhealthy and toxic to anyone’s well-being
People let go when they are tired and they will no longer risk letting go of themselves
I am not required to set myself on fire to keep other people warm
I will not lose me to keep you
Effort and honesty are EVERYTHING…
There is nothing worse than self-betrayal. Listen to your intuition, it’s always right
Don’t trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar; be very discerning. Ask questions
Every damn brick they try to throw at you, use it to stand on and use your voice
Never let them silence you or control you in any way shape or form
Be fearless and face the storm, lean in
Speak the truth, be courageous, set boundaries, give lots of self-care and self-love
I know my worth and I am honoring my spirit every single day
Own emotions, process them, and let them go. The path to true happiness
Get up and out of your comfy zone
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself
Loyalty and honesty are never too much to ask for in a relationship, it’s normal
Burning a bridge isn’t always a bad thing, you can never go back to what hurt you
Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care but because they don’t. Show some self-respect.
Anger taught me how to be calm
Aggression taught me how to speak up
Cruelty taught me self-kindness
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious red flag
When the past is still in the present, that’s another serious red flag
Unkind words about the past = a connection is still present and they won’t let go of the past, another serious red flag
Many red flags do not mean you are at a carnival, pay attention, they are dealbreakers
Look for green flags instead
Incessant whining, complaining, blaming is like living with a dysfunctional four-year-old that is stuck on repeat. No thanks.
Victim mentality is a lack of self-awareness which is annoying
When you are self-aware, you make the necessary changes in your life to move forward
Life is short
Setting healthy boundaries is self-protection and necessary in any relationship
Judging others reveals unhealed parts of yourself
It’s not my job to convince anyone to love me
You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. That’s it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time
You can’t be disrespectful and expect respect in return
Ignoring my intuition is self-betrayal; never again.
My inner peace is non-negotiable
The price you pay to avoid something will always be higher than the price you pay to face it head-on
Living in the past = living in denial. No chance for the present or future to come in. If you don’t let the past die, it won’t let you live today which translates to cheated opportunities and missed relationships
Flat out lying or lying by omission is the same destructive pinch that breaks trust
Hearing what someone says and seeing how they behave are two different things. Focus on the latter
Be accountable for your own shit, turn inward
Avoidance is for cowards
Entitlement and laziness are MAJOR turn-offs
It takes a strong person to ask for help. Be strong
The pain never leaves us, we have to leave the pain. Not everyone is capable of making this effort, even though it is necessary for any healthy relationship
The girl who takes care of everyone needs to be taken care of too. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you ever again
Besides, in a world where you can be anything, be kind
If it doesn’t feed your soul, then it’s time to go
Out with the old, in with the new, let it all go…
Onward and upward…
Amazing people are appearing and re-appearing in my life and my heart is so full of love and happiness ❤
Life is grand…
And just like the edge of the coin, the lessons and truth have set me free…
Thank you 2021!!!
The best is yet to come, let’s pop some champagne! ❤ Cheers ❤
** Hi everyone, how’s your October been? I am happy to say things are going GREAT for me and I am getting ready to write another book! Stay tuned and I appreciate the kindness and encouragement you’ve shown me all along. Have a listen to Adele’s new song Easy On Me and have a fantastic week! 🙂
Empty your heart, dear one
Release all the blockages and pain
Tell me everything
Untangle the pain and suffering
It’s interesting how messy things can get
How we keep packing one thing on top of another without realizing it
Unpack what you don’t need anymore
Years of accumulated emotions, unspoken words, lost opportunities, secrets, and guilt
They all hold us hostage and they are weighing you down my friend
You let it hurt, now let it go
Bleed it all out…
If you want to be free, learn the lessons
What is life trying to teach you right now
You may not know the answer yet, but in time you will
Dust off your heart and clean it up for new possibilities
Cracks from heartbreak are just that; cracks
You still have a pulse and blood pressure; you’re alive
Anything is possible…
Four chambers pump life into you every single day
Stop the decay and start the growth
Throw away the whip and wrap compassion around yourself instead
Slow down, listen to your heart and trust what it’s telling you
You can do this, you really can
Talk it out
Cry, scream, run, walk, dance, sing, write, draw, laugh
Do whatever it takes to empty your heart
Make space and fill it with love, compassion, peace, happiness, healing, gratitude, and forgiveness
Most of all, make room for those magical moments
For what is real, because that’s what life is all about
Open your eyes and relax
A “yes” or a “no” can change one’s life forever
It’s not your previous life or relationship you miss, it’s the routine
Get out of your head
And empty your heart…
**This blog is dedicated to my dear friend Danielle Lewis in North Carolina who like all of us, is learning how to empty her heart each and every day and she is doing a lovely job! Not only has she started her own healing journey, but she also created her own podcast called Mom’s Still Standing. Please be sure to subscribe to it on iTunes or Spotify. She even has me on there as a guest speaker! I think we can all relate to emptying our hearts at one time or another and just like how we spring clean at home, we need to do the same thing with ourselves. Have a great week everyone ❤
In the past, as some of you know, I wrote different letters to myself and recently, after reflecting on how far I’ve come, I think it’s time to write a letter to Pain. Instead of blaming Pain for all the heartache it caused me over time, I’m going to look at Pain from a spiritual point of view and how it changed me into the woman I am today.
One thing I know for sure is that we always have a choice in our lives, for every decision that comes our way which makes us accountable for ourselves. If things are decided for us, then we get to decide how to handle it. What we decide becomes our new life path and leads us to exactly where we need to be in order to learn what we don’t know yet. Even if it’s the second, third or hundredth time around.
Author Caroline Myss says there is no wrong path, we are all on the right path; but here’s the thing, we just might not be managing it very well. We may have taken a detour along the way. Therefore, in knowing we have a choice to get back on track and more aligned with who we really are; the path we are on always leads us home. Back to ourselves and to our purpose.
Unfortunately, I know you well. A little too well, actually. I’ve seen you come and go throughout my life, sometimes disguised as pleasure, and I have to say, it is never easy or comfortable when you come to visit me. Most of the time you appear without warning out of nowhere and end up making me feel scared, angry, disappointed, confused, upset, and hurt. Your timing is incredible because it’s always inconvenient with my plans, forcing me to stop what I’m doing or take another detour.
However, these stops and detours have served a purpose while you were here. All because of you, Pain, I found ways to handle you, heal you, and let you go. There is no strength if there is no struggle and if there’s any silver lining to be found within you, Pain, this is it. You’ve given my emotional muscles a real workout.
You see, Pain turned up the volume of the unworthy voices in my head and I believed them. Pain knocked me down, but I fought to live. Pain was my best teacher and worst nightmare all rolled into one. I’ll never forget the lessons learned in the classroom outside the classroom. Pain tried to make me fail but after a while, I passed the tests and received the blessing of insight. Looking back, I see what needed to be learned and why. So many rich meanings and a spiritual awakening occurred.
Pain, I can’t carry you around on my back anymore, you are too heavy and dark for me. Not only do I need light, but I also need to feel light. I finally realize Pain is a reverse role model of what not to do.
Here are some examples of what Pain brought me on the left, and on the right are some things Pain taught me:
Lies = Honesty
Mean = Kindness
Revenge = Walking Away
Selfish = Giving
Stealing = Generosity
Negative = Positive
Self-Righteous = Forgiving
Betrayal = Setting Boundaries
Quiet = Vocal
Closed Minded = Open-Minded
Ignoring Myself = Self-Care
Physical Symptoms = Exercise
Emotional Symptoms = Asking For Help
Holding On = Letting Go
Old Me = New Me
Thanks to you, Pain, I found new hobbies, interests, friends, work, perspective on life, parenting skills, awareness, and a new life. Everything got better. I even taught my kids how to handle you because unfortunately, they have seen you too. Now I have more compassion, empathy, strength, understanding for others dealing with loss, suffering, and divorce.
Thanks again to you, I discovered the power of music, reading, writing, practicing mindfulness, living in the moment, accepting truths, and forgiveness is a gift I give to myself.
Writing is a big part of who I am, it leads me back to myself. It is my life purpose, so much so that I wrote a book about you, Pain, and I still can’t believe it. Don’t get too excited, just because I write about you doesn’t mean I like you. I’m simply trying to understand and decode you for myself and others. Happiness doesn’t come to me, it comes from me. It is a choice and how I perceive life experiences. Writing makes me happy.
You taught me the hard way to put the relationship with myself first, so I don’t put myself second with others. I question what real love is, what do I want, need, from a meaningful relationship. You showed me dealbreakers, pitfalls, narcissism, toxicity, and wove red flags in my face. Now I ask more questions, and I’m careful with who I trust. You’ve sent me difficult/selfish people, heartbreak, loss, tragic events, unfortunate circumstances to handle which taught me many things about myself and life. Because of being cheated and deceived, I’ve become more vigilant and discerning. Respect is a 2-way street, I accept nothing less. You certainly tested my patience and my ability to control my emotions. Now I can see one of the reasons why you showed up was to protect me from other forms of pain.
At the moment, I am practicing gratitude on a daily basis, my heart feels lighter, more peaceful. I’m finished hiding behind you Pain, now I’m more obvious. I found the courage to stand up and live my best life, imperfections and all. What I’ve learned is this: if you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lessons, you will continue to grow. All because of you, Pain, I grew, learned, discovered, and even avoided you. People came and went thanks to you. I also apologize for being just like you at times, a royal pain in the A**!
The new me feels free, empowered, happy with myself, and never gives up. I can walk away from you, but with a grateful heart for all the life lessons. I know I can’t live my life “Pain-free” but the next time you do arrive, I aim to be more prepared.
I never thought I would say this, but thank you Pain for showing up in my life, and for everything you’ve taught and brought me. I’m exactly where I need to be in my life with my work, friends, family, love, and myself. No experience goes unwasted, no mud, no lotus. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be me, right here, right now.
Dare to live courageously…
Much Love ❤
One of my favorite songs Never Give Up, by Sia is what I listen to while I go for my walks down by the river. I love it, I hope you do too.
**Hello Everyone and Happy September! Copies of Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak are still available at all online bookstores worldwide. All my gratitude to YOU ❤
Living in the past only keeps me stuck. Now I am living in the moment and setting goals for the future so bye-bye past, and all the things that kept me stuck. Thanks for ALL the life lessons. You certainly taught me a lot.
I’m tired of societal views and what everyone thinks; what I should do, say, act, and be. I am who I am, take it or leave it. This is what keeps people small and I am not small.
The peanut gallery never stops chatting in my head so I need to find a mute or delete button. I will no longer let these gremlins control how I think or act because I know I’m a good person who deserves good in return. I will no longer doubt myself in my strengths and capabilities. If I don’t know something, I’ll learn it. The days of self-limiting beliefs are over.
I can honestly say I’ve taken the time and effort to do everything in my human power to heal the pain in my heart and at this point, I did it. I’m open to handing the steering wheel over to my heart now and letting it do the driving for me. I trust you completely, it’s time to be vulnerable again and let love in.
Enough is enough with low self-confidence! I think you know by now you are a brave soul who never gives up so take that with you and use it to increase your self-confidence. You’ve got this.
How do you expect to get anything done if you make excuses or procrastinate about making a decision? Having the ability to choose is a privilege and should be used to improve your life, not take it for granted. Laziness is ok on a Sunday, but not on a regular basis.
Stop playing games of any sort with anyone. The only way to live your life fully is to be genuine and authentic. Fitting in is the opposite of belonging. You don’t need to fit in anywhere because when you are who you are, you find like-minded people and you naturally belong there with them. No need to change who you are. If you want to play a game, learn how to play poker or something.
All my life I have held honesty as one of my truest values in how I am with others and how I expect others to be with me. Being honest with myself is something I have been working on, even more, when it comes to what I want in my new life. At the same time, it’s the best thing that could ever happen to me so I can create something real and beautiful. It’s time to truly stand in my own truth and have zero tolerance for dishonesty.
I continue to live by the saying “Whenever you judge someone else, you reveal an unhealed part of yourself.” How true is that? I will only use judgments as my own compass to lead me back to myself.
Life can be scary but that’s what makes it so exciting! If we live under a rock our whole lives and let fear stop us from actually trying something, we will always be wondering “what if.” I definitely don’t want to be saying that in the end or along the way, so I’m taking chances, despite being scared of what could happen and that’s what being vulnerable and courageous is all about. I will no longer let fear get in my way of living my life. These walls are coming down!
I may not have the best of everything but I am happy and grateful for what I do have. Now that I practice gratitude on a daily basis, my life has changed for the better and I can see improvements. Whining and complaining will only keep people stuck and I’m too busy being on the move. I will never think of myself as unworthy or not enough. I’m done.
It’s time to stop accepting bad behavior and mediocrity as normal. I learned how to set a boundary so it’s time to walk the other way. The last thing I need in my life right now is any toxic relationship after all the work I did for myself. Once again, thanks for the life lessons. I don’t have time for jealousy either, it is poison in any relationship.
Which mask or shield do you wear? I’m not talking Game of Thrones here, I mean what are you hiding behind? Your stories, your excuses? Drop the armor and start connecting with people. Stop playing the victim or rescuer, it’s so disempowering.
It’s your time to be who you truly are and if people don’t like it, that’s their problem. The right people will show up when you show up and you don’t need everyone to like you. Trying your best is always better than doing nothing.
So this is it. I’m getting out of my own way. It’s officially over. I’m breaking up with myself and kicking the old me out and letting peace, love, and happiness in. Hasta la vista baby!
Dare to live courageously…
**Please take a moment to listen to this beautiful song called You Say By Lauren Daigle. The lyrics go hand in hand with what is written here and the thoughts that go through our mind from time to time. Remember to say good things and believe in yourself. Life is too short and you are too precious. It’s time to let go and break free. Happy Sunday ❤
**Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak is available at online bookstores worldwide. May 2019 is the second anniversary of my book release and I am so grateful. All my love and gratitude ❤
This post goes out to all the people with thirsty hearts and hungry souls…(that includes me)
You’ve heard the saying, “Feed Your Soul,” I know I say it quite a bit myself because sometimes there are days when my soul is so hungry! Hungry for what? Something purposeful, meaningful, and inspirational. Isn’t that what life is all about and why we’re here?
What makes you tick? Lights you up from the inside out? That’s what I’m talking about.
One of the greatest things I’ve learned after my divorce is how to stop the insanity and feed my soul. Things I completely forgot about came back to me, like writing, listening to song lyrics, exercise, and walking beside a body of water. Whenever I’m feeling blue, these are the things that swoop in and heal me in an inspiring way. I also discovered new things like reading Paulo Coelho books that are so incredibly written. He is one heck of a word wizard that’s for sure. In case of an emergency, cookies are always good too, but not too many!
Then there are the tougher days. Starvation sets in and no matter what you do, your soul never seems fed or satisfied. Maybe it’s your job or a relationship that’s keeping you down and confused about your true desires and the search seems endless. This is when creativity comes in very handy or talking it out with a trusted friend. Feed your hungry soul and quench that thirsty heart of yours! Just try to be around people who actually feed your soul and not eat it! That completely defeats the purpose.
And just so you know, anything soul-sucking needs to go immediately.
One of my favorite author’s and life coach, Danielle LaPorte says we should make goals with a soul. In other words, strive for the things we desire that make us feel good. Goals are great but are sometimes too much work if you’re not that interested in them. Is your goal a should or a want? Maybe we’re living our lives backward and inside out because if we put our desire ahead of our goal, it would probably be more achievable since we know it makes us feel good in the end. Follow the pull, not the push.
Other times you have to let go and throw fate into the water and see what happens next. However, sometimes, even water can’t wash away the pain, but when you’re hungry, you’ll do anything to feed it. This can be a good sign because that might prompt you to discover a new hobby, change careers, meet an old friend, pray from the heart, or take a trip somewhere new and exciting. We just want to connect with someone or something that makes us feel good. What makes you happy? When you find out, do that as much as possible.
When your soul is hungry, what is your go-to spiritual diet? What do you crave?
P.S: What better time of the year than to curl up with a book and get inspired 😉 “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” is available at all online bookstores worldwide, pick up your copy today!! Have a great weekend everyone ❤
Whether we loved a family member, a relationship or a job, the loss is something to be acknowledged and the grieving process is absolutely necessary to be able to reach the other side. The most famous author on grieving is Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Not only has she written books for the general public but they are textbooks for the medical profession and for those working in palliative care.
When it comes to grieving a loss, there are generally five stages that appear and re-appear without much warning. They don’t always go in order and they can reappear out of order so it’s important to keep this in mind and know that it’s normal if they don’t follow a certain path. Grieving is very personal and everyone handles it differently which is why it’s important to have a good support system to help you recover. The reason we grieve is because we cared and loved which is reason enough to deal with the situation so we can move on in our lives in a healthy manner.
The first stage is Denial. The person who is grieving the loss of a loved one, a relationship or a job could be in denial by feeling like they just can’t believe it. They feel shock and numbness. In the person who is dying, they could feel disbelief and may go about their life pretending that an illness does not exist. In the person who has lost a relationship or a job, they may act like nothing is/was wrong.
The second stage is Anger. This emotion can be directed at your loved one who is dying because they didn’t take better care of themselves or it could be directed at yourself that you didn’t take better care of them. In the person who lost their job or a relationship, anger may be directed at how they were treated or mistreated. Many thoughts and feelings of anger come up here and you question yourself incessantly. However, anger is a necessary stage of the healing process because it gives us the drive and energy to move on. Be willing to feel it, the more you do, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. Because anger can be so consuming, having a good support system of friends and family around you is critical and if that is not enough, professional support is always available including support groups.
The third stage is Bargaining. Before the loss it may seem like you will do anything to spare your loved one like “Please God, I will never be angry with my daughter again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, bargaining might look like “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others, then I can wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream.” Sometimes guilt is bargaining’s roommate. We remain in the past trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt. We ask ourselves the “what if” and “if only” questions in this stage but in reality, our loved one is truly gone.
The fourth stage is Depression. This is where our attention moves from the past into the present. Empty feelings are deeper than we could ever imagine. It is not a mental illness it is an appropriate response to a great loss. This is where people often withdraw from life and wonder “Why go on at all?” Sadness blankets us and we cry more than we ever thought possible. But perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once and awhile so that we can see Life with a clearer view again. Tears don’t always have to win. The positive side of this difficult stage is that depression can slow us down and allow us to take real stock of the loss. It makes us rebuild ourselves from the ground up. It clears the deck for growth by taking us to a deeper place in our soul that we would not normally explore. It promotes you to the fifth stage.
Acceptance. The ability to accept the permanent reality that your loved one, a relationship or job is physically gone. It doesn’t mean this is okay or right, but you can just accept it. You learn to live with it and readjust yourself and your roles. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad. You may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. You re-invest in your friendships and relationships with others and with yourself.
I have grieved a loss many times in my life, I know the process is never easy or smooth. It hurts and it feels long. However, what I can tell you is that time is your best friend and you need to allow yourself off the hook for everything while you go through this transition and give yourself the time to do so. It does get better with time, that I know for sure. Sometimes we beat ourselves up on top of our loss which only makes us feel worse in the end. By treating yourself with care and understanding rather than judgment, knowing you’re not alone and being mindful of your emotions, self-compassion is the light that casts out darkness in our minds. Talk to yourself as if you are talking to a friend who is suffering.
The other side of pain is comfort, the other side of fear is love, the other side of unpleasant is beauty. Keep moving forward and focus on the positive side because what we put our attention on, we get more of it. In this case, focus on comfort, love, and beauty. Just remember that if you falter, it’s okay, you are only human and know you can rise and try again when you are ready. You can do it.
Loss, is very personal and so is the journey to recovery, it starts from within. If we can embrace the grieving process instead of running away from it and be kind to ourselves when we feel at our worst, that is the beauty in the art of grieving.
“New beginnings are also described as painful endings.” ~ Lao Tzu
“People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
~ By Jennifer Juneau, Registered Nurse, Life Coach
“How do you become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” ~ Trina Paulus
Author and cancer survivor Mark Nepo says the things we hold dear in our hearts like a relationship, an identity, a dream or an ambition acts like a cocoon. When the butterfly emerges, the cocoon has served its purpose. It doesn’t mean it’s false, it means it served its purpose just as everything in life serves as a purpose. Therefore our relationships, identities, dreams and ambitions are often cocoons that lead us to the next. The problem is when we are so attached to these relationships, identities, dreams and ambitions, we come in conflict when it breaks or falls away that we don’t see what it’s opened us up to.
Have you ever been in a relationship or a situation that has served its purpose and you know in your heart it’s time to surrender and let go? It hurts to even think about it breaking away or never returning. We’ve all been there. Just the angst of making that decision to leave can be the biggest struggle of our lives just as the caterpillar struggles in becoming a butterfly inside the cocoon. This inner process takes time and all the work that is being done is from within, it just needs the time and space to do this on its own. Similarly, we need to work from within to find our inner strength and make changes in our own lives. After having gone through this struggle, not only does it make you stronger, it transforms you. Like the butterfly, when you finally emerge from the cocoon and come out on the other side after having made that decision, you are so powerful and beautiful. The cocoon which represents a relationship or situation has now served its purpose. It is time to surrender and let go. This process cannot be rushed, nor can anyone do this inner work for you. For an observer, as difficult as it may be to stand back watching and waiting for this final moment to happen, you must be patient and let nature take its course. Even the sun and rain support the process which can represent our own support systems like friends and family, we are all connected.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives to emerge us into the next great opportunity. They strengthen us, connect us and can even make us fly. I have learned freedom from struggling and I am very grateful for this teacher. ~ J.J.