We were walking on a path through a beautiful green forest, and you confessed, “Sometimes I feel lost”
I held your hand and said, ” It’s ok, we all feel lost at certain times in our lives. Don’t give up, go North, and follow your North Star
When you get there, follow your heart in everything you do, find your passion, set goals, and achieve them
A life without cause is a life without effect
Live your life on purpose, and do what you truly love. Pay attention to everything and everyone around you, and happiness will find you
There’s a reason why you were named after a hurricane off the coast of Southern California
You’re both strong and wild…
Take these traits and know the possibilities are endless in this life. The whole world is open and waiting for you
Miracles happen every day. I still remember the day we met, definitely a miracle…
14,625. That’s how many steps it took for you to find me that day, so unexpectedly. Therefore, anything is possible if you just believe
Sometimes what hurts us is what heals us. Life can be hard but at the same time, it can teach us many things. Just like love
You taught me how to love and how to be loved. Love was the healer and the teacher. Life became brighter and better. Now I’m here for you”
That’s when I woke up…
In the morning, I saw your text, “I had a dream last night, I know what I want and it’s you. I’m coming North and I’ll arrive like a hurricane”
I smile to myself and think, isn’t life interesting, dreams really can come true
In the end, it all makes sense. The happiness of one becomes the joy of all…
Happy October everyone! ❤ I hope this month brings you positive vibes and cherished moments. Life is always changing, so we need to change with it to find our own happiness. Please enjoy this song by the wonderful Josh Groban, Don’t Give Up
“We are all just walking each other home” ~ Ram Dass
So, here we are, we meet again. You have this habit of showing up whenever things are going well and your goal is to disrupt that and throw me under the bus while watching…
You’ve managed to pull the trigger many times and have succeeded by setting my nervous system on fire and clouding my judgment over the years
Well, I have news for you Anxiety, you’re not a prison life sentence. Instead, you’re a key through a doorway and I get to decide where my life leads next
We’ve known each other for a long time and yet it’s only recently that I want to befriend you. You’ve been there all along trying to protect me. I’ve then recoiled from you thinking you are trying to hurt me
This has only made our relationship more fearful and stronger. I fear and ignore you and distract myself which makes you cry louder and stronger, like a child not being heard
I hear you now and I see you so I’m going to welcome you in instead of running from you or stiffening against you.
Come, sit, and know that things are safe. When I turn to you and sit with you, I know you will begin to calm and over time, you won’t need to scream so loud
We can coexist and I can live my life knowing you won’t hurt me
As the late and great Maya Angelou once said, “I know why the caged bird sings. A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.”
I have the key to the cage that Anxiety tries to wrap around me. Despite this cage, I can still find peace and happiness and sing my song too. I also have wings that allow me to escape that cage anytime
I’m tired of your overwhelming waves that wash over me out of the blue. I feel like I’m underwater in those unmanageable anxious moments
You increase my breathing and heart rate, right to the point of fainting while you just sit there and watch the entire downward spiral unfold…
You slowly creep in and send me into panic mode for no real reason and I become my own worst enemy. It’s not fair to me or to the ones I love
Thankfully, my amazing support system handles me with undying care and unconditional love. They are tired of you too Anxiety. Your persistence is annoying
I tell myself to meditate, sit down and slow down. Walk outside in nature, listen to music, write, or paint. With growth, there are going to be growing pains, please be patient…
I don’t need to figure out how to keep going at this high level of anxiety, I need to figure out how to calm my nervous system down
I can be self-compassionate when sitting with this feeling and get curious by asking, “Why is it here right now? What is Anxiety trying to teach me?” Anxiety is not accurate Anxiety serves no purpose in life Anxiety can challenge relationships to the point of destruction for no real reasons Anxiety shows up when things are going well Anxiety is a royal pain in the ass
Be aware of anxiety, but don’t make it your lifestyle. Become more present. Cultivate calm because anxiety is contagious but so is calm. Therefore, when I heal myself, I heal others in the process
I’m falling in love with the process of becoming the very best version of myself. I need more time to do less
It’s a continuous work in progress to speak kindly to yourself because your inner child is listening and so is the Universe. Be careful what you put out there because it will come back to you
Be open to what’s next and stop worrying about how it will all play out. I’ve spent countless years metabolizing pain and anxiety, it’s time to let it all go, and stop gaslighting myself…
I’ve realized the peace I’ve been seeking for so long is not out there in the world. It’s inside of me. I’ve been searching for something familiar that I already had inside. That’s why I can’t find it out there. It’s almost like you’ve been looking for your keys and they’ve been in your pocket the whole time
Walk yourself back to who you truly are; your loving and imperfect self. It’s time to build a safe haven within and with the one you love
After all, you’re only human
It’s time for us to say goodbye, Anxiety. I definitely don’t need or want you in my life. You’ve caused me enough trouble, and you’re not welcome to live here anymore
I’m saying hello to a peaceful, true, and deep love instead, I’m finally safe…
Welcome home, Jen ❤
**This blog was written in collaboration with a dear friend of mine as if Anxiety was a person and is dedicated to anyone and everyone who experiences various degrees of anxiety at different times in their life. Sometimes it’s deceiving that what we see on the outside is not what’s going on on the inside. Please know you are not alone and we can get through this together. All my love to all of you. Just like Bruno Mars, you can Count On Me
**Copies of my book, “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” are still available on the publishing website FriesenPress. All my gratitude to all of you ❤
I vividly remember the day I met you, a late Friday afternoon So unexpected and under strange circumstances I fell apart while opening my heart and you caught me For the first time, in a long time, I felt safe and protected
You told me, “Stop carrying around this heavy heart It hurts in the moment, but it hurts, even more, to hold on Give your mind, body, heart, and soul a break. Let it go my dear”
One door closes, and five more open That’s how the Universe works We know we met for a reason But we don’t know where it will take us
We live in between the space of knowing and unknowing After all, that’s where all the good stories are As we know, our stories are definitely good ones Yes there’s uncertainty ahead, but let’s leave the unanswered questions behind
I want to run away with you and only you Sharing delicious food and sipping fantastic wine While sitting Oceanside under a lemon tree in Italy Lemons are a symbol of healing and cleansing both physically and spiritually Yellow promotes hope, happiness, abundance, and vitality All the main ingredients in any successful relationship
The other night, I asked you to paint me a poem “About what?” you asked “Anything, that’s the beauty of poetry and art. Do what inspires you” You said, “A painting is something seen rather than felt, and poetry is something felt rather than seen. Therefore, I see you and feel you”
Love, the very thing that made me die inside before And now, love, the very thing that makes me feel alive when I’m with you The fire inside burns brighter and stronger than the fire around me I want to die young, as late as possible as long as I’m with you
This breakthrough made me feel for the first time in a long time My heart is smiling and I feel like I’m in Wonderland Sometimes the life we want isn’t the life we get because the Universe has something better in store for us Trust the journey that lies ahead, be open to what’s next, and know that everything happens for a reason
I guess the Madhatter was right all along “The secret Alice is to surround yourself with people who make your heart smile. It’s then, only then that you’ll find Wonderland”
Jen ❤ XO
How is everyone’s summer going so far? I hope you’re enjoying each day and feeling happy. Please have a listen to this amazing song By Your Side ~ by Sade, which goes so well with this post 😉
I gazed up at the stars last night and asked; “How many soulmates are reunited in the sky and shining down on us?” You answered; “All of them, they are connected for life. You meet your soulmate when you find your soul. Their light and the moon inspire us to carry on”
At sunrise, the world felt so alive, I could feel its heartbeat Birds happily singing and sharing playlists in springtime It’s lilac season now, the smell and color of pure joy and happiness Our heartfelt conversations last for hours and hours… While each fragile heart has so much to say and share Especially when it comes to nature and each other After all, timing is everything in nature, and with love
Rainfall, one of the most bittersweet sounds of both sadness and romance The day I almost lost you, the skies opened up and cried endlessly, but I cried for you even more… How many silver linings are in these clouds? These silver linings are a blessing and often overlooked in life, as is the blue sky in nature
One Friday afternoon, you spread the blanket under a swaying willow tree surrounded by a canopy of greenery above and soft green grass below How beautiful was that? This special memory will remain cherished in my mind and heart forever
One evening, we painted sunsets at the beach with hues of pink, orange, yellow, and purple Waves gently curled themselves on the shore the same way your fingers curl around mine I still get butterflies when you take my hand in yours These butterflies are a sign of transformation, a change for the better As we sit and watch the sparkling sun dance across the lake and feel calm
I remember when you surprised me with a romantic dinner on a mountain top It was as if we were in heaven yet there we were on earth I felt the wind brush through my hair the same way you do with your fingers, I love that so much You opened your heart carefully like a dahlia blooming in late July Sharing windows of opportunity inviting love inside like sunshine, I wish it will stay forever Every living, breathing thing grows, evolves, changes, blooms with patience, and needs to be taken care of, and loved
Time passes quickly and how I wish it would stand still; just for a moment As I look at you I realize how connected we are to nature, life, and each other If I ever miss you, all I have to do is step outside, look up at the stars suspended deep in the midnight blue sky, and there you are…
“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived. ~ Chinese Proverb
In my book, “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” I talk about a coin having not only two sides, but three. Heads, tails, and the edge. The two sides represent two different points of view from two people opposing each other; heads and tails. However, the edge represents the truth, facts, or reality behind a situation that is often avoided, overlooked, or hidden. On the edge of truth or reality, are the reasons that run deeper than both points of view. Therefore, the possibility of gaining a new perspective is there to consider, but only when you have an open mind and heart, is when you can own your behaviors and the role you played in the relationship. I’m talking about accountability and responsibility. We are no longer insecure toddlers saying, “not me!” Or at least we shouldn’t be. After all, it’s the truth on that skinny little edge that will set you free, if you dare to go there.
Lessons Learned in 2021:
Do you know what’s interesting? You can’t invite something or someone new in your heart until you create the space for it. To do that means doing the work to heal from your past over a good amount of time, then letting it go for good
Stuffing the past inside never works; it causes toxic emotional constipation and that’s not fair to the next person involved because it always comes out later as an emotional explosion. Who wants that?
Be wise enough to know how important self-love and self-respect are and they will guide you on what to do to heal
If someone tries to play mind games, create doubts, have sneaky conversations, or show inconsistencies, RUN! Kenny Rogers was right all along
Continue setting boundaries. They protect your mind, heart, body, and soul. If someone gets angry with your boundaries, then all the more reason to have them
If you ever notice a man using you for your money, get out ASAP. That’s just pathetic, unattractive, and downright scary! Never be a sugar mama
Always remember, when words don’t match actions and they twist it to blame you, that’s called manipulation
When people are not accountable, that’s called gaslighting
When someone labels others crazy or mental, that’s called projection which means they are describing themselves, not the other person
It’s not wise to play with fire, it only takes one tiny match to burn the whole thing down. Unless you don’t care
The ones who give the impression of nothing, tells you everything
You have to learn when your part is over in someone’s story
This chapter is called MAKE ROOM
Relationships are not always meant to be forever, they are here for a reason, a season, and to teach us many lessons. Learn the lessons
Know what you need and want and go for it
Trust the Universe, it knows more than you realize…
Take your power back and live an empowering life
Some of the best advice I ever heard was this, “If she’s told you what she has been through, don’t put her through that again. If you do put her through it, you are selfish and not listening.”
Take note that some people are open books, and some people are illiterate
The wound is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility
Don’t curse my scars when all they ever tried to do was heal me
Evaluate your scars and heal from the inside out
Mistakes are forgivable, patterns are not
Conversations in relationships need to have a resolution or compromise. Anger and aggression are toxic and ruin everything
Thriving in conflict is extremely unhealthy and toxic to anyone’s well-being
People let go when they are tired and they will no longer risk letting go of themselves
I am not required to set myself on fire to keep other people warm
I will not lose me to keep you
Effort and honesty are EVERYTHING…
There is nothing worse than self-betrayal. Listen to your intuition, it’s always right
Don’t trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar; be very discerning. Ask questions
Every damn brick they try to throw at you, use it to stand on and use your voice
Never let them silence you or control you in any way shape or form
Be fearless and face the storm, lean in
Speak the truth, be courageous, set boundaries, give lots of self-care and self-love
I know my worth and I am honoring my spirit every single day
Own emotions, process them, and let them go. The path to true happiness
Get up and out of your comfy zone
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself
Loyalty and honesty are never too much to ask for in a relationship, it’s normal
Burning a bridge isn’t always a bad thing, you can never go back to what hurt you
Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care but because they don’t. Show some self-respect.
Anger taught me how to be calm
Aggression taught me how to speak up
Cruelty taught me self-kindness
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious red flag
When the past is still in the present, that’s another serious red flag
Unkind words about the past = a connection is still present and they won’t let go of the past, another serious red flag
Many red flags do not mean you are at a carnival, pay attention, they are dealbreakers
Look for green flags instead
Incessant whining, complaining, blaming is like living with a dysfunctional four-year-old that is stuck on repeat. No thanks.
Victim mentality is a lack of self-awareness which is annoying
When you are self-aware, you make the necessary changes in your life to move forward
Life is short
Setting healthy boundaries is self-protection and necessary in any relationship
Judging others reveals unhealed parts of yourself
It’s not my job to convince anyone to love me
You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. That’s it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time
You can’t be disrespectful and expect respect in return
Ignoring my intuition is self-betrayal; never again.
My inner peace is non-negotiable
The price you pay to avoid something will always be higher than the price you pay to face it head-on
Living in the past = living in denial. No chance for the present or future to come in. If you don’t let the past die, it won’t let you live today which translates to cheated opportunities and missed relationships
Flat out lying or lying by omission is the same destructive pinch that breaks trust
Hearing what someone says and seeing how they behave are two different things. Focus on the latter
Be accountable for your own shit, turn inward
Avoidance is for cowards
Entitlement and laziness are MAJOR turn-offs
It takes a strong person to ask for help. Be strong
The pain never leaves us, we have to leave the pain. Not everyone is capable of making this effort, even though it is necessary for any healthy relationship
The girl who takes care of everyone needs to be taken care of too. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you ever again
Besides, in a world where you can be anything, be kind
If it doesn’t feed your soul, then it’s time to go
Out with the old, in with the new, let it all go…
Onward and upward…
Amazing people are appearing and re-appearing in my life and my heart is so full of love and happiness ❤
Life is grand…
And just like the edge of the coin, the lessons and truth have set me free…
Thank you 2021!!!
The best is yet to come, let’s pop some champagne! ❤ Cheers ❤
** Hi everyone, how’s your October been? I am happy to say things are going GREAT for me and I am getting ready to write another book! Stay tuned and I appreciate the kindness and encouragement you’ve shown me all along. Have a listen to Adele’s new song Easy On Me and have a fantastic week! 🙂
The world has changed drastically and fast. We hit the brakes and went from 100mph to 0mph in a very short amount of time. COVID-19 has officially hit the worldwide pause button, but despite this crisis, positive things are happening in the world every day and I want to write about what’s real, what matters, what’s on my mind and in my heart.
First of all, let’s recognize this elephant in the room as a grieving process so we can feel the feelings and move forward. We all just suffered a loss of control and normalcy worldwide. As we know, when a tragedy or loss happens, denial is first. People think it isn’t real and carry on as usual. Bargaining is next and that’s when people make little deals on the side to try and keep things as normal as possible. Anger moves in and takes over like a storm while sadness and fear hide in the corner waiting to be seen. As the news is announced to us all day every day, acceptance may or may not be reached. This is real and isn’t going away unless we all do our part; the sooner the better. Once we do accept this is happening, we can start creating a new normal, and a new normal is where creativity and ingenuity lives.
For many of us, living rooms have been turned into gyms, dining rooms into workspaces, and kitchens into restaurants. Social distancing, travel restrictions, working from home, kids are home without school/daycare, grocery shopping and cleaning protocols, washing hands, and bingeing Netflix more than usual are just a few ways we’ve all had to adjust to our new lives. Not only that, cabin fever has taken on a whole other meaning for so many of us! Now is the time to get creative and learn a new skill or hobby. Let’s face it, using the excuse that you don’t have time won’t work for anyone right now. Virtual meetings, coffee dates, dinner dates, cooking classes, walks, yoga, meditation, games, happy hour, wine tours, dances, book clubs, and tea parties are just a few virtual events I’ve taken part in and I have to say, it’s been fun, given the circumstances we’re in. Now more than ever, what we need to get through this, is connection but in a virtual setting for now. Not only that, but we also need kindness, courage, love, patience, compassion, and understanding.
I am concerned about people living in domestic violence and unhappy marriages who are forced to self isolate together, children, single parents, single people, the sick and vulnerable, the invincibles, the unemployed, and those who long to be together but can’t right now. It’s difficult being apart from the ones you love and on the other hand, it’s difficult being with the ones you don’t love. Reach out to the people in your life as a support and to get support to help combat loneliness. Excluding people is never a good idea and even more so now.
Uncertainty means being vulnerable and being vulnerable is scary to so many of us. It can bring out the best and worst in all of us. Now that uncertainty is being forced upon us, we have no choice but to lean into it and spread hope instead of fear. It’s in times like these when we need to have faith and trust ourselves things will work out again soon. Believing that whatever happens, we will find a way out of it. It’s not like our lives were 100% certain before, right? We still survived and thrived.
In my experience when it comes to uncertainty, one way to turn that around is by practicing gratitude in a mindful space. Take your soul for a ride and think about all the wonderful things you already have. This is what creates happiness from within and is long-lasting. Perhaps one of the silver linings is the fact we all had to slow down and when that happens, we have time to reflect on our needs and wants. What and who is important to us and why. As it turns out, we don’t need much; but we do need each other. It’s time to relax and take one day at a time, find some light in the dark. Try not to make the uncertain certain. For me, connecting by video with coworkers, friends, family, and loved ones has been a lifesaver to make the best of a difficult situation. Thank goodness we live in a high tech world now.
I truly believe when things calm down, things will be different but in a good and positive way. We all have time to think about the future and our goals right now. Let’s see what happens next and hold onto hope.
All my gratitude to every single frontline worker out there in all the essential services, and a special shout out to my friends in hospitals. My heart truly goes out to all of you and I can’t imagine how you must feel right now. I see you and I hear you. Additionally, thank you to everyone who is doing their part. We’re all braving this uncertainty together and it will get better soon, we’ve got this.
Please enjoy the beautiful song Imagine by John Lennon and be safe and healthy everyone 🙂
Empty your heart, dear one
Release all the blockages and pain
Tell me everything
Untangle the pain and suffering
It’s interesting how messy things can get
How we keep packing one thing on top of another without realizing it
Unpack what you don’t need anymore
Years of accumulated emotions, unspoken words, lost opportunities, secrets, and guilt
They all hold us hostage and they are weighing you down my friend
You let it hurt, now let it go
Bleed it all out…
If you want to be free, learn the lessons
What is life trying to teach you right now
You may not know the answer yet, but in time you will
Dust off your heart and clean it up for new possibilities
Cracks from heartbreak are just that; cracks
You still have a pulse and blood pressure; you’re alive
Anything is possible…
Four chambers pump life into you every single day
Stop the decay and start the growth
Throw away the whip and wrap compassion around yourself instead
Slow down, listen to your heart and trust what it’s telling you
You can do this, you really can
Talk it out
Cry, scream, run, walk, dance, sing, write, draw, laugh
Do whatever it takes to empty your heart
Make space and fill it with love, compassion, peace, happiness, healing, gratitude, and forgiveness
Most of all, make room for those magical moments
For what is real, because that’s what life is all about
Open your eyes and relax
A “yes” or a “no” can change one’s life forever
It’s not your previous life or relationship you miss, it’s the routine
Get out of your head
And empty your heart…
**This blog is dedicated to my dear friend Danielle Lewis in North Carolina who like all of us, is learning how to empty her heart each and every day and she is doing a lovely job! Not only has she started her own healing journey, but she also created her own podcast called Mom’s Still Standing. Please be sure to subscribe to it on iTunes or Spotify. She even has me on there as a guest speaker! I think we can all relate to emptying our hearts at one time or another and just like how we spring clean at home, we need to do the same thing with ourselves. Have a great week everyone ❤
I remember the day you went on a faraway vacation
As usual, you packed your bag last minute
Emotional baggage has always been your carry on, and it’s too heavy
You said you felt lost and needed to find yourself
After boarding the plane, you heard a song
The pain you were running from was now running after you
Affecting your heart, mind, body, and soul
You searched for a hypothetical bandaid to conceal a hypothetical bleeding wound
After drying your eyes, you closed your eyes
And off to sleep, you went
I felt like a fly on the wall watching you from the outside in
Like a compassionate parent watching a suffering child
After arriving, the final destination was breathtakingly beautiful, just as you had hoped for and imagined
The warm sun made you smile
The beauty all around made you happy
The scents in the air woke your senses
I remember how grateful you were in that exact moment
Change is good
I begged you to please unpack your negative emotions from your heavy carry on
To take a break; you’re on vacation now
Put loneliness on a shelf and sadness in a drawer
Hang all your fears in a different closet and close the door
As they say; out of sight out of mind
Replace these emotions by packing peace, happiness, and love into your life instead
Be open to life’s possibilities and opportunities
Focus on the good and be grateful for everything you have
Time to practice self-compassion and self-care in such gorgeous surroundings
This vacation was exactly what you needed to push the reset button on your life
You deserve all the good things life has to offer, be patient
You realized the further you try to run away from it all
The closer it brought you home to yourself
Isn’t that interesting?
And what a beautiful destination for you to be in right now ❤
Much Love ❤
****Hello everyone and thank you for reading my blog! This picture was taken in the Himilayas, India 2016 at a retreat I visited when my divorce was finalized. During that trip, I met friends, ate delicious food, listened to mesmerizing music, tried yoga, saw some breathtaking sights, and finally took some time for myself. What an amazing healing experience that was for me.
It isn’t necessary to travel far each time, because even a change of scenery close by can make a world of difference in your mental and emotional health. Travel taught me how to be more self-compassionate, which led me to self-care and eventually to self-love. Writing has also been extremely helpful in my healing process and I feel so much better now.
How do you heal from something difficult?
****Copies of Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak are still available at all online bookstores worldwide. All my gratitude to YOU
Living in the past only keeps me stuck. Now I am living in the moment and setting goals for the future so bye-bye past, and all the things that kept me stuck. Thanks for ALL the life lessons. You certainly taught me a lot.
I’m tired of societal views and what everyone thinks; what I should do, say, act, and be. I am who I am, take it or leave it. This is what keeps people small and I am not small.
The peanut gallery never stops chatting in my head so I need to find a mute or delete button. I will no longer let these gremlins control how I think or act because I know I’m a good person who deserves good in return. I will no longer doubt myself in my strengths and capabilities. If I don’t know something, I’ll learn it. The days of self-limiting beliefs are over.
I can honestly say I’ve taken the time and effort to do everything in my human power to heal the pain in my heart and at this point, I did it. I’m open to handing the steering wheel over to my heart now and letting it do the driving for me. I trust you completely, it’s time to be vulnerable again and let love in.
Enough is enough with low self-confidence! I think you know by now you are a brave soul who never gives up so take that with you and use it to increase your self-confidence. You’ve got this.
How do you expect to get anything done if you make excuses or procrastinate about making a decision? Having the ability to choose is a privilege and should be used to improve your life, not take it for granted. Laziness is ok on a Sunday, but not on a regular basis.
Stop playing games of any sort with anyone. The only way to live your life fully is to be genuine and authentic. Fitting in is the opposite of belonging. You don’t need to fit in anywhere because when you are who you are, you find like-minded people and you naturally belong there with them. No need to change who you are. If you want to play a game, learn how to play poker or something.
All my life I have held honesty as one of my truest values in how I am with others and how I expect others to be with me. Being honest with myself is something I have been working on, even more, when it comes to what I want in my new life. At the same time, it’s the best thing that could ever happen to me so I can create something real and beautiful. It’s time to truly stand in my own truth and have zero tolerance for dishonesty.
I continue to live by the saying “Whenever you judge someone else, you reveal an unhealed part of yourself.” How true is that? I will only use judgments as my own compass to lead me back to myself.
Life can be scary but that’s what makes it so exciting! If we live under a rock our whole lives and let fear stop us from actually trying something, we will always be wondering “what if.” I definitely don’t want to be saying that in the end or along the way, so I’m taking chances, despite being scared of what could happen and that’s what being vulnerable and courageous is all about. I will no longer let fear get in my way of living my life. These walls are coming down!
I may not have the best of everything but I am happy and grateful for what I do have. Now that I practice gratitude on a daily basis, my life has changed for the better and I can see improvements. Whining and complaining will only keep people stuck and I’m too busy being on the move. I will never think of myself as unworthy or not enough. I’m done.
It’s time to stop accepting bad behavior and mediocrity as normal. I learned how to set a boundary so it’s time to walk the other way. The last thing I need in my life right now is any toxic relationship after all the work I did for myself. Once again, thanks for the life lessons. I don’t have time for jealousy either, it is poison in any relationship.
Which mask or shield do you wear? I’m not talking Game of Thrones here, I mean what are you hiding behind? Your stories, your excuses? Drop the armor and start connecting with people. Stop playing the victim or rescuer, it’s so disempowering.
It’s your time to be who you truly are and if people don’t like it, that’s their problem. The right people will show up when you show up and you don’t need everyone to like you. Trying your best is always better than doing nothing.
So this is it. I’m getting out of my own way. It’s officially over. I’m breaking up with myself and kicking the old me out and letting peace, love, and happiness in. Hasta la vista baby!
Dare to live courageously…
**Please take a moment to listen to this beautiful song called You Say By Lauren Daigle. The lyrics go hand in hand with what is written here and the thoughts that go through our mind from time to time. Remember to say good things and believe in yourself. Life is too short and you are too precious. It’s time to let go and break free. Happy Sunday ❤
**Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak is available at online bookstores worldwide. May 2019 is the second anniversary of my book release and I am so grateful. All my love and gratitude ❤
It’s been over 3 years since I wrote the letter to my younger-self where I went back in time and gave my 21-year-old-self some advice on life. I was attempting to erase any scars, blame, and grief; but as you know, you can’t change the past, but you can create the future.
This letter to my future-self is my next attempt in life, which is an exercise in self-love, a means of preserving and protecting what’s important today and into the future.
So let’s see what age 65 might look like…
Dear Future Jen,
Well… you are approaching that magical age of 65 years young, and it’s like all the things you’ve been aiming for are finally coming together. What an amazing time to be living in Jen. So many changes have happened in your exciting life and with every ending, there’s been a new beginning. You’ve had to endure some pretty major events in your life, but look at you, here you are; smiling ear to ear, despite all that.
Kids- Some of the greatest milestones after giving birth are seeing your kids graduate, seeing them get married and then seeing them have their first child. By now, maybe you would have witnessed most of these accomplishments with Justin and Nathan. They are amazing and intelligent kids, and you are truly blessed. Continue to be loving and supportive of them so they can continue to be loving and supportive of you. These kids are your two greatest accomplishments in your life Jen. Remember to hold them close and show your love each and every day, just like you’ve done all along. It was a tough road for everyone with the divorce you endured but don’t dwell on the past, you had so many valuable life lessons in there and that’s all that matters. The relationship with you and their dad has improved with time, patience, and acceptance of what happened. You are in a great space now and you have the best kids in the world. Be grateful for what you have.
Fears- You used to be afraid of public speaking, but you conquered that one a long time ago. Now your fears are bigger than that and you manage to hide them well. The two biggest fears you have are getting cancer and dying. I think it’s safe to say you are not alone when you admit these, so good for you to be brave enough to say it because now your next step is to do something to keep yourself healthy. Perhaps others will follow.
Health-Eating and Exercise – You’ve always been very conscientious about eating well and exercising. There were a few times life was harder on you and you got off track but now you are back on and I’m so proud of you for making this a priority all these years. Give your body energy by eating good food that fuels you so you can burn it off at the gym. Also, continue to get enough sleep and take your vitamins.
Self-Care-One thing I can say about you Jen is that you still love getting your hair done! I don’t think that will ever change and honestly, why should it, right?! You will never let that gray hair show and that’s perfectly fine. Remember to practice self-care because it’s important and makes you feel great. Follow the pull, not the push. Keep it simple, self-care is how you take your power back young lady.
Saying No, Setting Boundaries- I certainly hope that by age 65 you learned how to say “No” and mean it. And while you’re at it, set some boundaries for yourself. The ’40s and ’50s are the trial years and you struggle here and there. Just like I tried to tell you in your ‘20s, “No” is a complete sentence, my dear. This is still true. Never, ever settle and walk away from what doesn’t respect you. You can detect a narcissist from miles away now, what a great skill to have!
Work-It’s been such an adventure at work for you Jen. Who would have thought that being a nurse would lead to being an expert witness for malpractice cases, then entering the pharmaceutical industry? It has certainly been an exciting time in this regard and you don’t have any regrets. The work relationships you made along each path have lasted a lifetime and what a gift that’s been for you. The health care industry taught you a wealth of knowledge that you will never forget. You chose a helping profession no matter which way you went and that’s because you are a compassionate person and it makes you happy. You are someone who has always been patient-focused right from the get-go. My only hope is there is someone like you who takes their work seriously and can care for you when it’s time.
Success/Failure-The best way I can describe success is because of failing at something. This is where you learned so many life lessons and made the decision to build on them like crazy. Good for you for having an open mind when new challenges came your way and you didn’t back down. Failing is never fun or easy but as long as you get back up, you are succeeding. You are also wise enough to know that being successful doesn’t make you happy, but being happy makes you successful.
Gratitude-As you know, gratitude brings you joy from within; even during the toughest moments of your life when things were falling apart, you managed to stay on track and find things you were grateful for. It’s during the worst times of your life, you need to practice gratitude because that’s what can change your perspective and shine a light in the dark. Continue to journal because it’s working.
Retirement-The time has come to complete your working years. Congratulations girl, you did it!! I hope you find a way to celebrate all your years of service in helping others. Take a moment to pat yourself on the back because you deserve it. Thanks to an entire team of financial planners and years of hard work! What a fantastic feeling to be in this position right now. Knowing you Jen, the only thing you are thinking about right now, is “Where can I travel to next and celebrate this amazing milestone in my life?” Just remember to spend your money wisely…
Travel-There you go, I was right! The world is your oyster now Jen, so get that travel app up and running! Time to start booking some trips since you’re still healthy and active. I can see you traveling with your kids, friends and also some solo trips as you’ve done in the past. You know people in so many countries, you can visit them as you go. How exciting is that? Pick some places you’ve always wanted to visit like New Zealand, Bora Bora and anywhere in South America. Get your passport and suitcase ready!
Relationships-Friends, Family-Another prize possession of yours is your circle of friends Jen. You have been blessed with loving people in your life both near and far who truly care about you and you about them. This alone is something huge to be grateful for. If you are still fortunate enough to have your family and parents with you, remember to tell them you love them. Spending good quality time with those you love is one of the most important things you can do in your life. Have those conversations you’ve been avoiding, now is the time to get it out. Communication is key in all relationships and being able to say how you feel is where you begin, so speak up Jen. Life is very short. You value honesty, integrity, respect, loyalty, kindness, compassion and attention. These values drive your behavior and it’s what you look for in others. Keep going…
Love/Heartbreak-This is the one area of your life that’s never been an easy one for you, unfortunately. I do hope that by the time you are 65 years young Jen, that you found that special someone whom you love and loves you right back with everything he’s got. Someone who sees your worth and doesn’t take advantage of you but treats you right because you definitely deserve it. He needs to take care of you because you will take care of him, that is for sure. Even though you are a successful woman with all the freedom in the world, it would be nice to share time with someone who adores you in an authentic way. At the same time, heartbreak has taught you many lessons and by now you know what you shouldn’t tolerate, so once again, don’t play their games and don’t settle, you’re better than that. The next guy has to be pretty damn amazing and put some effort in, or forget about it. You deserve a man who will pay attention to you and be there for you when you need it most. You’ve endured enough emotional days in this area, it’s time for some fantastic days instead. On the other hand, if the Universe has something else in mind for you to be on your own, then make the best of it and enjoy. Keep practicing self-love, either way.
Emotional Rescue-If you had a dollar for every emotional roller-coaster you’ve been on since day one Jen, you could have retired a long time ago! Ugh!! Thanks to writing and exercising it helped you get out of your funk very well. Remember this for the rest of your life because you never know how things will go and you really don’t want to look like the crazy one! You’ve come a long way with your “project-self” topics and now you can cope with life even better and take care of you the way you should. With love and compassion. Keep writing, it is such a great healing tool emotionally.
Unfinished Business-At this point, I don’t know what your unfinished business will be, but if there is any, my advice to you is to complete it and cross it off that list of yours. This is clutter in your life, that you don’t need, just deal with it and get it done. You’ll feel much better afterward.
Hobbies/Interests- You wrote a book after your divorce and what an accomplishment that was both mentally and emotionally. It’s almost like you creatively grieved it. Kudos to you for doing this and another book is in your future as well. The topics aren’t 100% clear quite yet but since writing is soul therapy for you, you have to do it. Not only does it help you, but it also helps others that are in line with your values once again. One of your latest hobbies is salsa dancing and my goodness, what a great time you’ve had, you are quite the dancing queen! I think you need to do a girls getaway vacation in South America first! Arriba!
Goals-Stop doing useless things, start doing new activities, continue doing your writing and travel. Practice self-care. Wear sunscreen. Love with all your heart. Repeat…
Hopes and Dreams-I hope you are living a life of peace, love, and happiness. That you have finally stepped into who you truly are and you are owning your life, Jen. That you are surrounded by everyone who matters to you in your heart of hearts, and in your dreams. In the end, it’s our close relationships that matter the most so take the time to cultivate them as best as you possibly can. I hope you and your kids are healthy and happy.
Advice-Live your life as authentically as humanly possible. Not because of others expectations, but be brave and do it for you. Work hard, but not too hard that you miss out on life, especially with your kids. Always practice a work-life balance. Be courageous and express how you feel to others. Put the time and effort into your friendships and family. Sometimes you need to break out of your comfort zone to be happy. Feeling stuck in anything with anyone isn’t worth it. Take the high road and apologize. Don’t play the victim or rescuer, they are so unattractive. Say I love you and mean it. In the end, it’s all about relationships with your kids, family, friends, at work and with yourself.
Regrets-If you follow the advice above, you won’t have any regrets 🙂 Honestly, everything happens for a reason and leads you to the next best thing, so take the good with the bad, it’s ok.
Questions-Let me think about it, I’ll let you know in some years from now 😛
I will carefully store this letter to my future self in a time capsule for later use. It will be interesting to read it years from now and see what rings true for me. In the meantime, I will continue to live my best life and honor my relationships with all my heart. After all, I’ve come this far, and there’s no turning back ❤
Your future looks bright, and you still have a long way to go…
Love Always ❤
**Copies of “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” are available at online bookstores worldwide. All my gratitude to you. Dare to live courageously…