David Kessler, author, and grieving expert published many books on grief and loss. He talks about the new step called Finding Meaning and asks:
“Is it possible to find light in the dark?
Is it possible to be the light in the dark?
Is it possible to find meaning in trauma, death, loss?
When you can accept what happened, that’s when you can find meaning
And that’s when you find light in the dark
Meaning is not in the death, trauma, or loss, it’s in us and what we do with it
Gratitude is about the person, not the trauma, death, loss.”
Ever since my dad passed, it’s strange, I feel like a little girl all over again, but with pain, sadness, and so much vulnerability. Some people understand but others not so much. Grief takes time and everyone is different
My inner child is listening carefully to how I speak to myself. I need kindness and compassion, I am still very fragile
I’ll always remember sitting around your bed that day, breathing the same air as you, what a privilege
There was this transfer of pain in that silent collapse, from you to me
You looked so calm and peaceful on the outside
The heavens changed that day and so did my world
You got your open door to your next spiritual journey
Now I watch for omens like cardinals, feathers, songs, and numbers, hoping it’s you reassuring me you’re ok
I want to take all your advice and use it in my personal and professional life
“Be confident, don’t convince anyone of your worth if they are too blind to see it, give and expect respect, care for others, tell the truth, and when you love, include yourself in that equation”
You said, “If you find yourself thinking you’re asking for too much from someone, maybe you should ask yourself if you’re asking the wrong person.”
Like Joni Mitchell’s song Both Sides Now, I’ve looked at life/love from both sides now
You said I used to ask a million questions, this is true and I still have many more
I lit a candle for you today dad, and remembered all the great memories through the tears
In my mind, I captured a collection of moments, sealed them in clear glass jars, and carefully lined them on a special shelf I can see from my bed
I imagine tying a navy blue silk ribbon around each one, that reminds me of the days you wore ties when I was a little girl
Whenever I want to visit those memories and moments, the clear glass makes it possible
I’m on my own journey of finding meaning…
My wish for you is to take a shot at the moon, take a trip to the sun
Paint the sky with your fingertips at sunrise and sunset
Why not add some sparkle in the night sky on your journey
I want to feel your presence in nature, thunderstorms, the wind
Even snowstorms like the one we had the day you departed…
You said that was a good omen
Thank you for giving me what you could as a dad, for re-introducing me to the love of writing, for attending my track and field meets for over 13 years, a swimming pool, learning how to water ski, playing piano, always listening, and for just being you
Maybe one of these days I’ll learn to acquire a taste for a good scotch or gin like you did
Then again, let’s see…
If that day ever happens, I’ll sip it at sunset on the water with you, listening to Both Sides Now
This one’s for you dad…cheers…
Love you ❤
Jen
XO
*On Friday, February 4th, 2022, my dad passed away from prostate cancer. He qualified for the MAID procedure which he had and passed peacefully. As a nurse, this was something medical to watch and as a daughter, it was so painful to watch. One of my favorite quotes is this; “We have two lives and the second one begins when we realize we only have one.” ~ Confucius
Thank you for reading ❤