Pain Becomes The Cure

1707733-Rumi-Quote-Don-t-get-lost-in-your-pain-know-that-one-day-your-pain

Evening summer walks are my favorite because things are quieter, calm, and the sun is less intense.  I feel HAPPY.

As I walk down the street, I see a house and the address is DENIAL.  I suddenly feel a pain in my chest and rehearse those words in my head again out of nowhere.  “This can’t be happening, don’t worry about it.”  I think of what I lost and keep walking.

As I turn the corner onto the next street, I see another house and the address is BARGAINING.  I suddenly feel a lump in my throat and remember how desperate I was trying to hold on and make a deal.  “If you can just tell me how I can fix this, then everything will be ok.”  The loss feels heavy but I keep walking.

As I reach the cul-de-sac, I see another house and the address is ANGER.  I suddenly feel trapped with a pit in my stomach and all I want to do is scream at the heavens above me.  “How could you do this to me?”  Strangely enough, I feel a burst of energy and start running up the street, passing BARGAINING and DENIAL.  I ask myself, “What is going on here?”  I’m sure I look crazy to some.

As I run to the next street over, I see a lake at the end and I am drawn towards it.  There’s a house on the corner and the address is DEPRESSION.  I suddenly feel waves of sadness come over me and the tears start flowing and flowing.  “It’s not easy, I feel so alone…I lost everything.”  The loss feels huge and I am exhausted.  Then for some reason, I turn around and walk down the same street passing the other houses in no particular order and they each have a strange way of haunting me.  I don’t understand why or what is happening but I somehow keep walking.

Years and miles go by up and down these streets, passing house after house, experiencing feeling after feeling.  Over time I discovered a new street I was avoiding all along and started walking that way.  I see a house that catches my eye and the address is ACCEPTANCE.  I finally feel peace and happiness just standing there looking at it.  I think to myself how long it took to find it after years of walking, running, feeling, and forgiving.

Take a breath…

This blog is dedicated to anyone and everyone who has lost someone or something in their life.  One thing I know for sure is that grieving is different for everyone.  The stories of loss might be different, the order and length of grieving stages might be different, but the emotions are the same and that’s how we are all connected.  Don’t compare your inside to someone’s outside because you’ll always lose.  You will heal when you are ready, you are not on a schedule, but you have to keep going and ask for help.  Triggers can still happen but the only way out is through because one minute you’re happy and the next minute you are grieving one or more of the stages.

But in the end, the pain becomes the cure.  That I know for sure.

Take another breath…

You’re doing your best ❤

 

Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

*I would like to give a shout out to one of my good friends and soul sister, Danielle Lewis because on Monday, October 21st, she is releasing her new podcast called “Mom’s Still Standing”  You can subscribe to her podcast on iTunes, she has some great guest speakers on it too 😉

I love this song Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves.  Have a beautiful weekend everyone ❤

*Copies of “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” are available at all online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU ❤

~ Dare to live courageously…

 

 

Beautiful Destination

20190922_215851

I remember the day you went on a faraway vacation
As usual, you packed your bag last minute
Emotional baggage has always been your carry on, and it’s too heavy
You said you felt lost and needed to find yourself

After boarding the plane, you heard a song
The pain you were running from was now running after you
Affecting your heart, mind, body, and soul
You searched for a hypothetical bandaid to conceal a hypothetical bleeding wound

How inappropriate

After drying your eyes, you closed your eyes
And off to sleep, you went
I felt like a fly on the wall watching you from the outside in
Like a compassionate parent watching a suffering child

After arriving, the final destination was breathtakingly beautiful, just as you had hoped for and imagined
The warm sun made you smile
The beauty all around made you happy
The scents in the air woke your senses
I remember how grateful you were in that exact moment

Change is good

I begged you to please unpack your negative emotions from your heavy carry on
To take a break; you’re on vacation now
Put loneliness on a shelf and sadness in a drawer
Hang all your fears in a different closet and close the door
As they say; out of sight out of mind

Replace these emotions by packing peace, happiness, and love into your life instead
Be open to life’s possibilities and opportunities
Focus on the good and be grateful for everything you have
Time to practice self-compassion and self-care in such gorgeous surroundings

This vacation was exactly what you needed to push the reset button on your life
You deserve all the good things life has to offer, be patient
You realized the further you try to run away from it all
The closer it brought you home to yourself
Isn’t that interesting?

And what a beautiful destination for you to be in right now ❤
Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

****Hello everyone and thank you for reading my blog!  This picture was taken in the Himilayas, India 2016 at a retreat I visited when my divorce was finalized.  During that trip, I met friends, ate delicious food, listened to mesmerizing music, tried yoga, saw some breathtaking sights, and finally took some time for myself.  What an amazing healing experience that was for me.

It isn’t necessary to travel far each time, because even a change of scenery close by can make a world of difference in your mental and emotional health.  Travel taught me how to be more self-compassionate, which led me to self-care and eventually to self-love.  Writing has also been extremely helpful in my healing process and I feel so much better now.

How do you heal from something difficult?

****Copies of Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak are still available at all online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU

~ Dare to live courageously…

A Letter To Pain

927667_76264679-001

In the past, as some of you know, I wrote different letters to myself and recently, after reflecting on how far I’ve come, I think it’s time to write a letter to Pain.  Instead of blaming Pain for all the heartache it caused me over time, I’m going to look at Pain from a spiritual point of view and how it changed me into the woman I am today.

One thing I know for sure is that we always have a choice in our lives, for every decision that comes our way which makes us accountable for ourselves.  If things are decided for us, then we get to decide how to handle it.  What we decide becomes our new life path and leads us to exactly where we need to be in order to learn what we don’t know yet.  Even if it’s the second, third or hundredth time around.

Author Caroline Myss says there is no wrong path, we are all on the right path; but here’s the thing, we just might not be managing it very well.  We may have taken a detour along the way.  Therefore, in knowing we have a choice to get back on track and more aligned with who we really are; the path we are on always leads us home.  Back to ourselves and to our purpose.

 

Dear Pain,

Unfortunately, I know you well.  A little too well, actually.  I’ve seen you come and go throughout my life, sometimes disguised as pleasure, and I have to say, it is never easy or comfortable when you come to visit me.  Most of the time you appear without warning out of nowhere and end up making me feel scared, angry, disappointed, confused, upset, and hurt.  Your timing is incredible because it’s always inconvenient with my plans, forcing me to stop what I’m doing or take another detour.

However, these stops and detours have served a purpose while you were here.  All because of you, Pain, I found ways to handle you, heal you, and let you go.  There is no strength if there is no struggle and if there’s any silver lining to be found within you, Pain, this is it.  You’ve given my emotional muscles a real workout.

You see, Pain turned up the volume of the unworthy voices in my head and I believed them.  Pain knocked me down, but I fought to live.  Pain was my best teacher and worst nightmare all rolled into one.  I’ll never forget the lessons learned in the classroom outside the classroom.  Pain tried to make me fail but after a while, I passed the tests and received the blessing of insight.  Looking back, I see what needed to be learned and why.  So many rich meanings and a spiritual awakening occurred.

Pain, I can’t carry you around on my back anymore, you are too heavy and dark for me.  Not only do I need light, but I also need to feel light.  I finally realize Pain is a reverse role model of what not to do.

Here are some examples of what Pain brought me on the left, and on the right are some things Pain taught me:

Lies = Honesty

Mean = Kindness

Revenge = Walking Away

Selfish = Giving

Stealing = Generosity

Negative = Positive

Self-Righteous = Forgiving

Betrayal = Setting Boundaries

Quiet = Vocal

Closed Minded = Open-Minded

Ignoring Myself = Self-Care

Physical Symptoms = Exercise

Emotional Symptoms = Asking For Help

Holding On = Letting Go

Old Me = New Me

Thanks to you, Pain, I found new hobbies, interests, friends, work, perspective on life, parenting skills, awareness, and a new life.  Everything got better.  I even taught my kids how to handle you because unfortunately, they have seen you too.  Now I have more compassion, empathy, strength, understanding for others dealing with loss, suffering, and divorce.

Thanks again to you, I discovered the power of music, reading, writing, practicing mindfulness, living in the moment, accepting truths, and forgiveness is a gift I give to myself.

Writing is a big part of who I am, it leads me back to myself.  It is my life purpose, so much so that I wrote a book about you, Pain, and I still can’t believe it.  Don’t get too excited, just because I write about you doesn’t mean I like you.  I’m simply trying to understand and decode you for myself and others.  Happiness doesn’t come to me, it comes from me.  It is a choice and how I perceive life experiences.  Writing makes me happy.

You taught me the hard way to put the relationship with myself first, so I don’t put myself second with others.  I question what real love is, what do I want, need, from a meaningful relationship.  You showed me dealbreakers, pitfalls, narcissism, toxicity, and wove red flags in my face.  Now I ask more questions, and I’m careful with who I trust.  You’ve sent me difficult/selfish people, heartbreak, loss, tragic events, unfortunate circumstances to handle which taught me many things about myself and life.  Because of being cheated and deceived, I’ve become more vigilant and discerning.  Respect is a 2-way street, I  accept nothing less.  You certainly tested my patience and my ability to control my emotions.  Now I can see one of the reasons why you showed up was to protect me from other forms of pain.

At the moment,  I am practicing gratitude on a daily basis, my heart feels lighter, more peaceful.  I’m finished hiding behind you Pain, now I’m more obvious.  I found the courage to stand up and live my best life, imperfections and all.  What I’ve learned is this: if you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer.  If you focus on the lessons, you will continue to grow.  All because of you, Pain, I grew, learned, discovered, and even avoided you.  People came and went thanks to you.  I also apologize for being just like you at times, a royal pain in the A**!

The new me feels free, empowered, happy with myself,  and never gives up.  I can walk away from you, but with a grateful heart for all the life lessons.  I know I can’t live my life “Pain-free” but the next time you do arrive, I aim to be more prepared.

I never thought I would say this, but thank you Pain for showing up in my life, and for everything you’ve taught and brought me.   I’m exactly where I need to be in my life with my work, friends, family, love, and myself.  No experience goes unwasted, no mud, no lotus.  If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be me, right here, right now.

Dare to live courageously…

Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

One of my favorite songs Never Give Up, by Sia is what I listen to while I go for my walks down by the river.  I love it, I hope you do too.

**Hello Everyone and Happy September!  Copies of Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak are still available at all online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU ❤

From Sea To Sky…

20170821_193115

It’s 4 a.m and the waves of the blue sea are subtly heard crashing against the shoreline

Sleeping is nearly impossible at this hour

Each morning sunrise, colors run into each other

Like my inner strength unexpectedly does to me

Some days are brighter and others seem to fade

Clouds contain feelings and prayers the same way they hold the rain

It’s strange how not being able to let out any feelings and wanting to remove them at the same time can hold me, hostage

All I can do is breathe, let it all go and see what stays

White clouds turn dark and thunder pounds to the beat of my heart

I feel so fragile right now…

Emotions come pouring out with the downpour of rain, washing my fears away

I realize you broke my heart but opened my eyes

I am somehow grateful for all this pain and grief

Suddenly, the sun comes out behind the same clouds that blocked it

It shines a light on everything, including me

Everything makes sense now

I feel the wind, wrapping around my shoulders, and running through my hair

As if a Higher Power brushes all the toxicity away

It’s a new start now, I can’t lose me to keep you

As time goes on, sunsets are a reminder to lay it all down once and for all

Healing is not linear and I believe this to be true

At night, the waves of the blue sea subtly crash against the shoreline again

I look up and ask the moon and stars for yet another miracle

That’s what people do when needing guidance

I realize you are like the moon and stars, loved and out of reach

However, I trust the force that guides them also guides me too

Now it’s time to close my eyes to old ends

And open my heart to new beginnings

From sea to sky…

 

 “For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen; a gaseous nebula must collapse.  So collapse.  Crumble.  This is not your destruction.  This is your birth” ~ Zoe Skylar

This blog is dedicated to one of my close friends, Caroline Gilbert who is going through a difficult time but she is a strong woman who can get through this.  We have all been heartbroken before so you are not alone my friend.  One day you will wake up and be in a new place of peace and calm.  Where everything feels right.  For now, be at peace with where you’ve been and know that you are being guided to something even better.  Please have a listen to the song Fragile by Sting and have a great weekend ❤

Much Love,

Jen ❤
XO

Breaking Up With Myself

WWL_Cover (8)

Living in the past only keeps me stuck.  Now I am living in the moment and setting goals for the future so bye-bye past, and all the things that kept me stuck.  Thanks for ALL the life lessons.  You certainly taught me a lot.

I’m tired of societal views and what everyone thinks; what I should do, say, act, and be.  I am who I am, take it or leave it.  This is what keeps people small and I am not small.

The peanut gallery never stops chatting in my head so I need to find a mute or delete button.  I will no longer let these gremlins control how I think or act because I know I’m a good person who deserves good in return.  I will no longer doubt myself in my strengths and capabilities.  If I don’t know something, I’ll learn it.  The days of self-limiting beliefs are over.

I can honestly say  I’ve taken the time and effort to do everything in my human power to heal the pain in my heart and at this point, I did it.  I’m open to handing the steering wheel over to my heart now and letting it do the driving for me.  I trust you completely, it’s time to be vulnerable again and let love in.

Enough is enough with low self-confidence!  I think you know by now you are a brave soul who never gives up so take that with you and use it to increase your self-confidence.  You’ve got this.

How do you expect to get anything done if you make excuses or procrastinate about making a decision?  Having the ability to choose is a privilege and should be used to improve your life, not take it for granted.  Laziness is ok on a Sunday, but not on a regular basis.

Stop playing games of any sort with anyone. The only way to live your life fully is to be genuine and authentic.  Fitting in is the opposite of belonging.  You don’t need to fit in anywhere because when you are who you are, you find like-minded people and you naturally belong there with them.  No need to change who you are.  If you want to play a game, learn how to play poker or something.

All my life I have held honesty as one of my truest values in how I am with others and how I expect others to be with me.  Being honest with myself is something I have been working on, even more, when it comes to what I want in my new life.  At the same time, it’s the best thing that could ever happen to me so I can create something real and beautiful.  It’s time to truly stand in my own truth and have zero tolerance for dishonesty.

I continue to live by the saying “Whenever you judge someone else, you reveal an unhealed part of yourself.”  How true is that?  I will only use judgments as my own compass to lead me back to myself.

Life can be scary but that’s what makes it so exciting!  If we live under a rock our whole lives and let fear stop us from actually trying something, we will always be wondering “what if.”  I definitely don’t want to be saying that in the end or along the way, so I’m taking chances, despite being scared of what could happen and that’s what being vulnerable and courageous is all about.  I will no longer let fear get in my way of living my life.  These walls are coming down!

I may not have the best of everything but I am happy and grateful for what I do have.  Now that I practice gratitude on a daily basis, my life has changed for the better and I can see improvements.  Whining and complaining will only keep people stuck and I’m too busy being on the move.  I will never think of myself as unworthy or not enough.  I’m done.

It’s time to stop accepting bad behavior and mediocrity as normal.  I learned how to set a boundary so it’s time to walk the other way.  The last thing I need in my life right now is any toxic relationship after all the work I did for myself.  Once again, thanks for the life lessons.  I don’t have time for jealousy either, it is poison in any relationship.

Which mask or shield do you wear?  I’m not talking Game of Thrones here, I mean what are you hiding behind?  Your stories, your excuses?  Drop the armor and start connecting with people.  Stop playing the victim or rescuer, it’s so disempowering.

It’s your time to be who you truly are and if people don’t like it, that’s their problem.  The right people will show up when you show up and you don’t need everyone to like you.  Trying your best is always better than doing nothing.

So this is it. I’m getting out of my own way.  It’s officially over.  I’m breaking up with myself and kicking the old me out and letting peace, love, and happiness in.  Hasta la vista baby!

Dare to live courageously…

Love ❤

Jen
XO

 

**Please take a moment to listen to this beautiful song called You Say By Lauren Daigle.  The lyrics go hand in hand with what is written here and the thoughts that go through our mind from time to time.  Remember to say good things and believe in yourself.  Life is too short and you are too precious.  It’s time to let go and break free.  Happy Sunday ❤

**Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak is available at online bookstores worldwide.  May 2019 is the second anniversary of my book release and I am so grateful. All my love and gratitude ❤

Your Hungry Soul

Feed_Your_Soul_031

This post goes out to all the people with thirsty hearts and hungry souls…(that includes me)

You’ve heard the saying, “Feed Your Soul,” I know I say it quite a bit myself because sometimes there are days when my soul is so hungry!  Hungry for what?  Something purposeful, meaningful, and inspirational.  Isn’t that what life is all about and why we’re here?

What makes you tick?  Lights you up from the inside out?  That’s what I’m talking about.

One of the greatest things I’ve learned after my divorce is how to stop the insanity and feed my soul.  Things I completely forgot about came back to me, like writing, listening to song lyrics, exercise, and walking beside a body of water.  Whenever I’m feeling blue, these are the things that swoop in and heal me in an inspiring way.  I also discovered new things like reading Paulo Coelho books that are so incredibly written.  He is one heck of a word wizard that’s for sure.  In case of an emergency, cookies are always good too, but not too many!

Then there are the tougher days.  Starvation sets in and no matter what you do, your soul never seems fed or satisfied.  Maybe it’s your job or a relationship that’s keeping you down and confused about your true desires and the search seems endless.   This is when creativity comes in very handy or talking it out with a trusted friend.  Feed your hungry soul and quench that thirsty heart of yours!  Just try to be around people who actually feed your soul and not eat it!  That completely defeats the purpose.

And just so you know, anything soul-sucking needs to go immediately.

117821-Starve-Your-Ego-Feed-Your-Soul

One of my favorite author’s and life coach, Danielle LaPorte says we should make goals with a soul.  In other words, strive for the things we desire that make us feel good.  Goals are great but are sometimes too much work if you’re not that interested in them.  Is your goal a should or a want?  Maybe we’re living our lives backward and inside out because if we put our desire ahead of our goal, it would probably be more achievable since we know it makes us feel good in the end.   Follow the pull, not the push.

Other times you have to let go and throw fate into the water and see what happens next.  However, sometimes, even water can’t wash away the pain, but when you’re hungry, you’ll do anything to feed it.  This can be a good sign because that might prompt you to discover a new hobby, change careers, meet an old friend, pray from the heart, or take a trip somewhere new and exciting.  We just want to connect with someone or something that makes us feel good.  What makes you happy?  When you find out, do that as much as possible.

When your soul is hungry, what is your go-to spiritual diet?  What do you crave?

Much Love,

Jen 🙂

P.S:  What better time of the year than to curl up with a book and get inspired 😉  “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” is available at all online bookstores worldwide, pick up your copy today!! Have a great weekend everyone ❤

 

‘Twas Many Nights Before Christmas

20171130_141947

‘Twas many nights before Christmas and all through my head
Several single mom thoughts were stirring, while I lay here in my bed;
The stockings were hung by the tree with care,
In hopes,  “Mr. Genuine Guy” soon would be there;

The children were nestled all cozy in their beds,
While visions of Fitbits danced in their heads;
I’m the mamma in my pyjamas, I don’t wear a cap,
I just settled down for a short power nap,

When out on the patio a loud BANG was heard,
I jumped out of bed screaming a four-letter-word!
Away to the window I marched right over,
Flung open the curtains and saw a Range Rover!

The full moon in the sky and the snow on the ground,
Gave the impression that Christmas was somewhere around,
When what do my wondering, tired eyes should appear,
But a group of my friends, with nothing but cheers,

One of the ringleaders, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be that funny chick.
More rapid than hummingbirds, they all flocked around,
And we gave big gratitude hugs for the friendships we found;

Let’s be honest, life can be tough as a single parent,
When finding your path and dating if you dare it.
But support  systems are the best when we feel at our worst,
Christmas helps our hearts fill with love, then let it happily burst;

We are all in this world together, you are never alone,
Love yourself and your kids right down to your bones;
Finding a mate will happen on its own,
There’s no need to settle, you’ve already flown ❤

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

 

All My Love and Gratitude ❤

Jen
XO

**If you or someone you know is going through a separation or divorce during this Christmas season, please know I understand that pain all too well.  The thing that got me through it all was writing down how I felt and then turning it into something positive which is how my book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” was born.  It’s about how I coped by finding light in the dark.  Please know you are not alone and consider reading my book by heading over to any online bookstore worldwide or the FriesenPress online bookstore.

Happy holidays and dare to live courageously…

 

 

 

Even The Caged Bird Sings

caged_bird_sings

I feel your pain and struggles.  I know what it’s like to be imprisoned in your own mind and heart.  Some days the walls are so high to climb, you just want to give up.  I’ve been there in that exact same spot and all I can say is that you need to let it all out.  Express yourself whatever way you know how to do it, but do it from your deepest core.  It’s the only way out where you can find some answers and freedom.

Whether you’re a bird in a cage that is physical, mental, or emotional, there’s always an escape route and that’s by expressing your pain through your creativity.  We are all artists and creative, some just choose to use it more than others.  Find out what fills you up from the inside out and do that as much as humanly possible.  When the caged bird sings, she’s asking for help, saying a prayer, crying her emotions out to the world.  Some days she’s singing because she’s happy and that’s what connects her to the world and when we feel connected, it feels pretty damn good, right?  It’s possible to find the positives within the negatives and feel free even though you are trapped inside your head.  Start by getting out of your own way, close your eyes, and look with your heart instead.  How do you want to feel?  Let that be your measuring stick and your guide.

Feeling stuck on how to be creative?  Here are some suggestions; sing, dance, make videos, write, draw, paint, sculpt, dramatic arts, play a musical instrument, photography, beauty techniques, hair design, fashion, cooking, baking, scrapbooking, interior decorating, renovating, party planning, building, sports, sewing, knitting, gardening, landscaping and the list goes on.  What did you like to do when you were in grade 3?  That’s always a good starting point.

From time to time life is going to make us feel lonely, disappointed, upset, confused, and trapped.  However, despite all that, we need to remember who we truly are and if we don’t know, it’s time we did, because that’s what will help us deal with these tough times and get us through to the other side.  Even when life seems to put up walls around us, it’s possible to live fulfilling lives by using our creativity so it can set us free.

That’s why even the caged bird sings.

Much Love ❤

Jen

 

**I would like to say many thanks, appreciation, and gratitude to everyone for reading my blogs and my new book “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak.”  It’s heartwarming to read all the feedback from you and to know it’s making a positive impact in the lives of others because that’s been my intention all along.  I have been and still am a caged bird at times but my writing allows me to express myself so I can heal, feel free, and move on with my life in a positive way ❤

If you would like to pick up a copy of my book, it’s available at all online bookstores worldwide, FriesenPress bookstore and in some physical bookstores such as; Michabou, Prospero Books, Caversham Booksellers, and Chapters Kanata.

On Saturday, August 12th, 2017, I will be hosting a book signing event for “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” at Chapters Kanata in Ottawa, from 11 am – 3 pm.  They are located in the Kanata Centrum Shopping Centre at 400 Earl Grey Drive, Kanata, Ontario K2T 1B9.  Signed paperback copies can be purchased for $20 +taxes.  Hope to see you there!

Many heartfelt thanks for all your love and support, dare to live courageously…

~ Jennifer Green
XO

Dr. Shefali Tsabary-Conscious Parenting

As many of you already know, India holds a special place in my heart as do many of my friends who are from there.  The spiritual connection we all share is something I cannot describe but can definitely feel.

I recently came across a TED Talk by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D. clinical psychologist, and author of the book “Conscious Parenting.”   Her Indian background compliments her style of work where Eastern spirituality and mindfulness meets Western world psychology, creating one of the most transformative ways of thinking while raising children.

Whether you are a parent or a non-parent, Dr. Tsabary’s insight is remarkable because all relationships are intimate connections and relationships with our children are the most intimate of all because they are a part of us.  As children grow and learn, we relive our own childhood and this includes the challenging times they experience which can trigger the challenging times we experienced as children with our own parents.  The same is true with love relationships, new situations can trigger old wounds which continue to revisit us until they are dealt with.

We all carry around something called our emotional shadow which is our emotional baggage of unacknowledged pain and our own ego.  Whether you are a parent or not, we all have it and carry it.  Maybe your emotional shadow is made up of pain, neglect, abandonment or dishonesty.

As a parent, we can’t expect our children to embrace painful feelings if we haven’t taken the opportunity to do that with ourselves.  They need to experience pain in order to grow because it’s where we learn the most from life.  Hiding, covering up or avoiding pain only adds to the emotional baggage and when you become a parent, our children will do something that triggers that old wound, and instead of reacting in an outburst, we need to look within ourselves and ask why we are reacting a certain way so we can awaken ourselves and start being better parents.  We need to explore our emotional shadow to face the unprocessed emotional pain and tune into our own essence, therefore, tuning into the essence of our children.  This is how we face our own ego and become better parents.

As you help your child, you are helping yourself and as you look within yourself to ask your inner child what this is trying to tell you, you are helping your children.  Children are our teachers and this is why it’s so important to put yourself first so you can be the best possible parent for your children.  It is the most transformative swing of the pendulum because you are changing your perspective from ego to wisdom and both sides are winning.

Dr. Tsabary also talks about how we always have choices in life and we can look at life situations in two different ways.  One, life is happening to us or secondly, life is happening for us.

In the first example, life is happening to us, essentially means, you vs me.  It is a separation from our spirits, a victim of life perspective.  People become passive aggressive and find addictions as an escape route.  Perhaps it’s someone who lost their job or a failed relationship.  People see themselves as chronic victims and find an addiction such as drugs or food and they lose their spirit and connections in the world.  It’s the easy way out.

In the second example, life is happening for us.  People rarely take this approach, but it is always a choice that exists.  Life disguises itself in painful ways such as trauma, shock, darkness, yet even in these times, we can look at this pain as an awakening and we can ask ourselves “What does this experience mean to me and how do I need to grow?”  Life mirrors back to us the ways we have yet to develop.  We miss these signs, calls, and invitations because we look at it as if life is happening to us.  Every difficult relationship is a calling because it’s asking us to wake up.  Ask yourself, “What in my emotional shadow has been triggered so I can reach my authentic self?”

Dr. Tsabary developed an acronym as a reminder when owning your own emotional baggage, which is ACT.

A-Aware of yourself.  Aware of your anxiety, energy, words and beliefs.  See things as is, as they really are.  What is really going on?

C-Consciousness.  Noticing the cause and effect.  Where do our cause and effect occur?

T-Transformation.  There are 3 ways to transform.  One, embrace the situation, take it for what it is.  Two, stop being a victim, change it, go to therapy, and start healing.  Three, leave it.

When people see the work and effort that is required to own their emotional baggage, they take the first approach where life is happening to us and therefore, no ownership is taken because it means giving up too much.

Every moment is alive with meaning and purpose, and we can lead joyous and peaceful lives for ourselves and for our children.

We just need to awaken into conscious parenting.

 

Much Love ❤

Jen

 

 

 

Surfing Anyone…??

surf-1024x711

Jon Kabat-Zinn founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) in Boston, Mass. teaches the use of mindfulness meditation as a technique to help people cope with stress, anxiety, and pain.  He has also published many books and audio recordings on mindfulness, one of my personal favorites being “Full Catastrophe Living”

The reason I am writing this blog is because I love his quote in the above photo and wanted to share it with you.

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

Life is like the ocean it’s big, calm, rough at times, warm, cold and sometimes blue.  Let’s face it we’ve had our fair share of waves and situations come crashing down on us whether we expected them or not.  However, in those exact moments we have two choices.  Run or surf.

If you choose to run, the waves won’t stop they will actually follow you and maybe pull you under.  You may think you’re doing the right thing but it won’t last for very long.  The running goes on and on and you become more exhausted, depleted, and scared, you feel as though you can’t catch your breath.  Those waves just keep on comin’.

If you choose to surf, then the world is your oyster.  Now you have the ability to face the waves with an amazing attitude and a new added skill.  When you surf, you are living in the moment and you are in control of yourself, not the waves.  You feel on top of the world and it’s easier to go with the flow than against it.  You take the waves in stride and what felt scary at first is now something exciting.  You understand the rhythm of the ocean and can time the big waves that may catch you off guard.  Don’t be afraid just get back on your surf board and try again.  You feel so brave and proud of how you are handling things and you should be!  People on the shoreline are looking at you wishing they could surf like you do and you know it.  This makes you smile from within and even gives you peace while riding that wave.

So who are you, a runner or a surfer?  I’m a surfer girl. 🙂

Much Love,

Jen
xo