We were walking on a path through a beautiful green forest, and you confessed, “Sometimes I feel lost”
I held your hand and said, ” It’s ok, we all feel lost at certain times in our lives. Don’t give up, go North, and follow your North Star
When you get there, follow your heart in everything you do, find your passion, set goals, and achieve them
A life without cause is a life without effect
Live your life on purpose, and do what you truly love. Pay attention to everything and everyone around you, and happiness will find you
There’s a reason why you were named after a hurricane off the coast of Southern California
You’re both strong and wild…
Take these traits and know the possibilities are endless in this life. The whole world is open and waiting for you
Miracles happen every day. I still remember the day we met, definitely a miracle…
14,625. That’s how many steps it took for you to find me that day, so unexpectedly. Therefore, anything is possible if you just believe
Sometimes what hurts us is what heals us. Life can be hard but at the same time, it can teach us many things. Just like love
You taught me how to love and how to be loved. Love was the healer and the teacher. Life became brighter and better. Now I’m here for you”
That’s when I woke up…
In the morning, I saw your text, “I had a dream last night, I know what I want and it’s you. I’m coming North and I’ll arrive like a hurricane”
I smile to myself and think, isn’t life interesting, dreams really can come true
In the end, it all makes sense. The happiness of one becomes the joy of all…
Love,
Jen ❤
Happy October everyone! ❤ I hope this month brings you positive vibes and cherished moments. Life is always changing, so we need to change with it to find our own happiness. Please enjoy this song by the wonderful Josh Groban, Don’t Give Up
“We are all just walking each other home” ~ Ram Dass
Dear Anxiety,
So, here we are, we meet again. You have this habit of showing up whenever things are going well and your goal is to disrupt that and throw me under the bus while watching…
You’ve managed to pull the trigger many times and have succeeded by setting my nervous system on fire and clouding my judgment over the years
Well, I have news for you Anxiety, you’re not a prison life sentence. Instead, you’re a key through a doorway and I get to decide where my life leads next
We’ve known each other for a long time and yet it’s only recently that I want to befriend you. You’ve been there all along trying to protect me. I’ve then recoiled from you thinking you are trying to hurt me
This has only made our relationship more fearful and stronger. I fear and ignore you and distract myself which makes you cry louder and stronger, like a child not being heard
I hear you now and I see you so I’m going to welcome you in instead of running from you or stiffening against you.
Come, sit, and know that things are safe. When I turn to you and sit with you, I know you will begin to calm and over time, you won’t need to scream so loud
We can coexist and I can live my life knowing you won’t hurt me
As the late and great Maya Angelou once said, “I know why the caged bird sings. A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.”
I have the key to the cage that Anxiety tries to wrap around me. Despite this cage, I can still find peace and happiness and sing my song too. I also have wings that allow me to escape that cage anytime
I’m tired of your overwhelming waves that wash over me out of the blue. I feel like I’m underwater in those unmanageable anxious moments
You increase my breathing and heart rate, right to the point of fainting while you just sit there and watch the entire downward spiral unfold…
You slowly creep in and send me into panic mode for no real reason and I become my own worst enemy. It’s not fair to me or to the ones I love
Thankfully, my amazing support system handles me with undying care and unconditional love. They are tired of you too Anxiety. Your persistence is annoying
I tell myself to meditate, sit down and slow down. Walk outside in nature, listen to music, write, or paint. With growth, there are going to be growing pains, please be patient…
Breathe…
I don’t need to figure out how to keep going at this high level of anxiety, I need to figure out how to calm my nervous system down
I can be self-compassionate when sitting with this feeling and get curious by asking, “Why is it here right now? What is Anxiety trying to teach me?” Anxiety is not accurate Anxiety serves no purpose in life Anxiety can challenge relationships to the point of destruction for no real reasons Anxiety shows up when things are going well Anxiety is a royal pain in the ass
Be aware of anxiety, but don’t make it your lifestyle. Become more present. Cultivate calm because anxiety is contagious but so is calm. Therefore, when I heal myself, I heal others in the process
I’m falling in love with the process of becoming the very best version of myself. I need more time to do less
It’s a continuous work in progress to speak kindly to yourself because your inner child is listening and so is the Universe. Be careful what you put out there because it will come back to you
Be open to what’s next and stop worrying about how it will all play out. I’ve spent countless years metabolizing pain and anxiety, it’s time to let it all go, and stop gaslighting myself…
I’ve realized the peace I’ve been seeking for so long is not out there in the world. It’s inside of me. I’ve been searching for something familiar that I already had inside. That’s why I can’t find it out there. It’s almost like you’ve been looking for your keys and they’ve been in your pocket the whole time
Walk yourself back to who you truly are; your loving and imperfect self. It’s time to build a safe haven within and with the one you love
After all, you’re only human
It’s time for us to say goodbye, Anxiety. I definitely don’t need or want you in my life. You’ve caused me enough trouble, and you’re not welcome to live here anymore
I’m saying hello to a peaceful, true, and deep love instead, I’m finally safe…
Welcome home, Jen ❤
**This blog was written in collaboration with a dear friend of mine as if Anxiety was a person and is dedicated to anyone and everyone who experiences various degrees of anxiety at different times in their life. Sometimes it’s deceiving that what we see on the outside is not what’s going on on the inside. Please know you are not alone and we can get through this together. All my love to all of you. Just like Bruno Mars, you can Count On Me
Love Always,
Jen ❤
**Copies of my book, “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” are still available on the publishing website FriesenPress. All my gratitude to all of you ❤
I vividly remember the day I met you, a late Friday afternoon So unexpected and under strange circumstances I fell apart while opening my heart and you caught me For the first time, in a long time, I felt safe and protected
You told me, “Stop carrying around this heavy heart It hurts in the moment, but it hurts, even more, to hold on Give your mind, body, heart, and soul a break. Let it go my dear”
One door closes, and five more open That’s how the Universe works We know we met for a reason But we don’t know where it will take us
We live in between the space of knowing and unknowing After all, that’s where all the good stories are As we know, our stories are definitely good ones Yes there’s uncertainty ahead, but let’s leave the unanswered questions behind
I want to run away with you and only you Sharing delicious food and sipping fantastic wine While sitting Oceanside under a lemon tree in Italy Lemons are a symbol of healing and cleansing both physically and spiritually Yellow promotes hope, happiness, abundance, and vitality All the main ingredients in any successful relationship
The other night, I asked you to paint me a poem “About what?” you asked “Anything, that’s the beauty of poetry and art. Do what inspires you” You said, “A painting is something seen rather than felt, and poetry is something felt rather than seen. Therefore, I see you and feel you”
Love, the very thing that made me die inside before And now, love, the very thing that makes me feel alive when I’m with you The fire inside burns brighter and stronger than the fire around me I want to die young, as late as possible as long as I’m with you
This breakthrough made me feel for the first time in a long time My heart is smiling and I feel like I’m in Wonderland Sometimes the life we want isn’t the life we get because the Universe has something better in store for us Trust the journey that lies ahead, be open to what’s next, and know that everything happens for a reason
I guess the Madhatter was right all along “The secret Alice is to surround yourself with people who make your heart smile. It’s then, only then that you’ll find Wonderland”
Much Love,
Jen ❤ XO
How is everyone’s summer going so far? I hope you’re enjoying each day and feeling happy. Please have a listen to this amazing song By Your Side ~ by Sade, which goes so well with this post 😉
I gazed up at the stars last night and asked; “How many soulmates are reunited in the sky and shining down on us?” You answered; “All of them, they are connected for life. You meet your soulmate when you find your soul. Their light and the moon inspire us to carry on”
At sunrise, the world felt so alive, I could feel its heartbeat Birds happily singing and sharing playlists in springtime It’s lilac season now, the smell and color of pure joy and happiness Our heartfelt conversations last for hours and hours… While each fragile heart has so much to say and share Especially when it comes to nature and each other After all, timing is everything in nature, and with love
Rainfall, one of the most bittersweet sounds of both sadness and romance The day I almost lost you, the skies opened up and cried endlessly, but I cried for you even more… How many silver linings are in these clouds? These silver linings are a blessing and often overlooked in life, as is the blue sky in nature
One Friday afternoon, you spread the blanket under a swaying willow tree surrounded by a canopy of greenery above and soft green grass below How beautiful was that? This special memory will remain cherished in my mind and heart forever
One evening, we painted sunsets at the beach with hues of pink, orange, yellow, and purple Waves gently curled themselves on the shore the same way your fingers curl around mine I still get butterflies when you take my hand in yours These butterflies are a sign of transformation, a change for the better As we sit and watch the sparkling sun dance across the lake and feel calm
I remember when you surprised me with a romantic dinner on a mountain top It was as if we were in heaven yet there we were on earth I felt the wind brush through my hair the same way you do with your fingers, I love that so much You opened your heart carefully like a dahlia blooming in late July Sharing windows of opportunity inviting love inside like sunshine, I wish it will stay forever Every living, breathing thing grows, evolves, changes, blooms with patience, and needs to be taken care of, and loved
Time passes quickly and how I wish it would stand still; just for a moment As I look at you I realize how connected we are to nature, life, and each other If I ever miss you, all I have to do is step outside, look up at the stars suspended deep in the midnight blue sky, and there you are…
David Kessler, author, and grieving expert published many books on grief and loss. He talks about the new step called Finding Meaning and asks:
“Is it possible to find light in the dark? Is it possible to be the light in the dark? Is it possible to find meaning in trauma, death, loss? When you can accept what happened, that’s when you can find meaning And that’s when you find light in the dark Meaning is not in the death, trauma, or loss, it’s in us and what we do with it Gratitude is about the person, not the trauma, death, loss.”
Ever since my dad passed, it’s strange, I feel like a little girl all over again, but with pain, sadness, and so much vulnerability. Some people understand but others not so much. Grief takes time and everyone is different
My inner child is listening carefully to how I speak to myself. I need kindness and compassion, I am still very fragile
I’ll always remember sitting around your bed that day, breathing the same air as you, what a privilege
There was this transfer of pain in that silent collapse, from you to me
You looked so calm and peaceful on the outside
The heavens changed that day and so did my world
You got your open door to your next spiritual journey
Now I watch for omens like cardinals, feathers, songs, and numbers, hoping it’s you reassuring me you’re ok
I want to take all your advice and use it in my personal and professional life
“Be confident, don’t convince anyone of your worth if they are too blind to see it, give and expect respect, care for others, tell the truth, and when you love, include yourself in that equation”
You said, “If you find yourself thinking you’re asking for too much from someone, maybe you should ask yourself if you’re asking the wrong person.”
Like Joni Mitchell’s song Both Sides Now, I’ve looked at life/love from both sides now
You said I used to ask a million questions, this is true and I still have many more
I lit a candle for you today dad, and remembered all the great memories through the tears
In my mind, I captured a collection of moments, sealed them in clear glass jars, and carefully lined them on a special shelf I can see from my bed
I imagine tying a navy blue silk ribbon around each one, that reminds me of the days you wore ties when I was a little girl
Whenever I want to visit those memories and moments, the clear glass makes it possible
I’m on my own journey of finding meaning…
My wish for you is to take a shot at the moon, take a trip to the sun
Paint the sky with your fingertips at sunrise and sunset
Why not add some sparkle in the night sky on your journey
I want to feel your presence in nature, thunderstorms, the wind
Even snowstorms like the one we had the day you departed…
You said that was a good omen
Thank you for giving me what you could as a dad, for re-introducing me to the love of writing, for attending my track and field meets for over 13 years, a swimming pool, learning how to water ski, playing piano, always listening, and for just being you
Maybe one of these days I’ll learn to acquire a taste for a good scotch or gin like you did
Then again, let’s see…
If that day ever happens, I’ll sip it at sunset on the water with you, listening to Both Sides Now
This one’s for you dad…cheers…
Love you ❤
Jen XO
*On Friday, February 4th, 2022, my dad passed away from prostate cancer. He qualified for the MAID procedure which he had and passed peacefully. As a nurse, this was something medical to watch and as a daughter, it was so painful to watch. One of my favorite quotes is this; “We have two lives and the second one begins when we realize we only have one.” ~ Confucius
“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived. ~ Chinese Proverb
In my book, “Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak” I talk about a coin having not only two sides, but three. Heads, tails, and the edge. The two sides represent two different points of view from two people opposing each other; heads and tails. However, the edge represents the truth, facts, or reality behind a situation that is often avoided, overlooked, or hidden. On the edge of truth or reality, are the reasons that run deeper than both points of view. Therefore, the possibility of gaining a new perspective is there to consider, but only when you have an open mind and heart, is when you can own your behaviors and the role you played in the relationship. I’m talking about accountability and responsibility. We are no longer insecure toddlers saying, “not me!” Or at least we shouldn’t be. After all, it’s the truth on that skinny little edge that will set you free, if you dare to go there.
Lessons Learned in 2021:
Do you know what’s interesting? You can’t invite something or someone new in your heart until you create the space for it. To do that means doing the work to heal from your past over a good amount of time, then letting it go for good
Stuffing the past inside never works; it causes toxic emotional constipation and that’s not fair to the next person involved because it always comes out later as an emotional explosion. Who wants that?
Be wise enough to know how important self-love and self-respect are and they will guide you on what to do to heal
If someone tries to play mind games, create doubts, have sneaky conversations, or show inconsistencies, RUN! Kenny Rogers was right all along
Continue setting boundaries. They protect your mind, heart, body, and soul. If someone gets angry with your boundaries, then all the more reason to have them
If you ever notice a man using you for your money, get out ASAP. That’s just pathetic, unattractive, and downright scary! Never be a sugar mama
Always remember, when words don’t match actions and they twist it to blame you, that’s called manipulation
When people are not accountable, that’s called gaslighting
When someone labels others crazy or mental, that’s called projection which means they are describing themselves, not the other person
It’s not wise to play with fire, it only takes one tiny match to burn the whole thing down. Unless you don’t care
The ones who give the impression of nothing, tells you everything
You have to learn when your part is over in someone’s story
This chapter is called MAKE ROOM
Relationships are not always meant to be forever, they are here for a reason, a season, and to teach us many lessons. Learn the lessons
Know what you need and want and go for it
Trust the Universe, it knows more than you realize…
Take your power back and live an empowering life
Some of the best advice I ever heard was this, “If she’s told you what she has been through, don’t put her through that again. If you do put her through it, you are selfish and not listening.”
Take note that some people are open books, and some people are illiterate
The wound is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility
Don’t curse my scars when all they ever tried to do was heal me
Evaluate your scars and heal from the inside out
Mistakes are forgivable, patterns are not
Conversations in relationships need to have a resolution or compromise. Anger and aggression are toxic and ruin everything
Thriving in conflict is extremely unhealthy and toxic to anyone’s well-being
People let go when they are tired and they will no longer risk letting go of themselves
I am not required to set myself on fire to keep other people warm
I will not lose me to keep you
Effort and honesty are EVERYTHING…
There is nothing worse than self-betrayal. Listen to your intuition, it’s always right
Don’t trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar; be very discerning. Ask questions
Every damn brick they try to throw at you, use it to stand on and use your voice
Never let them silence you or control you in any way shape or form
Be fearless and face the storm, lean in
Speak the truth, be courageous, set boundaries, give lots of self-care and self-love
I know my worth and I am honoring my spirit every single day
Own emotions, process them, and let them go. The path to true happiness
Get up and out of your comfy zone
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself
Loyalty and honesty are never too much to ask for in a relationship, it’s normal
Burning a bridge isn’t always a bad thing, you can never go back to what hurt you
Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care but because they don’t. Show some self-respect.
Anger taught me how to be calm
Aggression taught me how to speak up
Cruelty taught me self-kindness
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious red flag
When the past is still in the present, that’s another serious red flag
Unkind words about the past = a connection is still present and they won’t let go of the past, another serious red flag
Many red flags do not mean you are at a carnival, pay attention, they are dealbreakers
Look for green flags instead
Incessant whining, complaining, blaming is like living with a dysfunctional four-year-old that is stuck on repeat. No thanks.
Victim mentality is a lack of self-awareness which is annoying
When you are self-aware, you make the necessary changes in your life to move forward
Life is short
Nobody’s perfect
Setting healthy boundaries is self-protection and necessary in any relationship
Judging others reveals unhealed parts of yourself
It’s not my job to convince anyone to love me
You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. That’s it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time
You can’t be disrespectful and expect respect in return
Ignoring my intuition is self-betrayal; never again.
My inner peace is non-negotiable
The price you pay to avoid something will always be higher than the price you pay to face it head-on
Living in the past = living in denial. No chance for the present or future to come in. If you don’t let the past die, it won’t let you live today which translates to cheated opportunities and missed relationships
Flat out lying or lying by omission is the same destructive pinch that breaks trust
Hearing what someone says and seeing how they behave are two different things. Focus on the latter
Be accountable for your own shit, turn inward
Avoidance is for cowards
Entitlement and laziness are MAJOR turn-offs
It takes a strong person to ask for help. Be strong
The pain never leaves us, we have to leave the pain. Not everyone is capable of making this effort, even though it is necessary for any healthy relationship
The girl who takes care of everyone needs to be taken care of too. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you ever again
Besides, in a world where you can be anything, be kind
If it doesn’t feed your soul, then it’s time to go
Out with the old, in with the new, let it all go…
Onward and upward…
Amazing people are appearing and re-appearing in my life and my heart is so full of love and happiness ❤
Life is grand…
And just like the edge of the coin, the lessons and truth have set me free…
Thank you 2021!!!
The best is yet to come, let’s pop some champagne! ❤ Cheers ❤
** Hi everyone, how’s your October been? I am happy to say things are going GREAT for me and I am getting ready to write another book! Stay tuned and I appreciate the kindness and encouragement you’ve shown me all along. Have a listen to Adele’s new song Easy On Me and have a fantastic week! 🙂
Holding on while letting go feels like a tug of war internally. One foot in and one foot out
If you are afraid to let go, you will never be able to fully restart
Trust…
Get comfortable in the uncomfortable, it’s not about getting rid of the darkness but about letting the light in
Every scar tells a story and Lord knows; we have our share between the two of us
A wise man once said, in order to honor your past, create a special momento in the present with red and yellow flower petals wrapped in a beautiful paper package
Over the next two nights, put the package under each other’s pillow, say a prayer and sleep on it
On the third day, go to the river while holding a rose quartz and as a blessing to yourself, say your intentions for the present and future with each other. Then say a final goodbye to the past, wishing everyone well.
Time to let them go…
While holding the rose quartz in your right hand, and the beautifully wrapped organic package in your left, let the package go; drop it in the flowing water and say goodbye as it floats far away. Say another prayer and hold the rose quartz tightly as it heats your hand instantly. Express your love to each other
Breathe…
We feel lighter, relaxed, happy, and so full of love for one another
Life is beautiful, like a blank white canvas so full of promise, colors, and opportunities
Our hearts and souls speak, saying thank you for releasing unwanted weight that no longer serves us
Freedom…
To realize giving love to each other is the same as giving love to yourself with an open heart
This is what true love really is when you know the blessing of letting go ❤ ❤
To all the lovely people who left this earth too soon
How can life feel so long one day, yet short the next?
I wanted to tell you several things before you left
Please believe me, my heart said what it could at the time
I’m just grateful for having the chance to say goodbye
Last night I went outside and looked up to the heavens
I read a poem that said when someone dies, you throw your grief to the sky
The Universe responds and paints that sky shades of pinks and purples
At some point, anger sounds like thunder and sadness feels like rain
Even the wind feels like you are near and just walked past me
Letting go is an ongoing journey
Reminiscing about times together and feeling grateful for precious moments
They say when someone dies, they become your guardian angel; especially a child
If I ever have a question, I know I can ask you anytime
Now you are pain-free, healthy, happy, safe, and peaceful
Reuniting with the ones you loved and lost once before
I take comfort in believing this for the time being
Envisioning your happiness makes me happy
This is my emotional rescue
Life is interesting how we are more connected than disconnected
I know I’ll see you again one day
We can paint the sky together
But for now, I throw my grief to the ground
To hope and watch happiness bloom on earth once again
As the Universe responds
All my love to you ❤
XX
~ This blog was written for the people close to my heart and for anyone who lost someone close to them. I was inspired by one of my blogging friends Rupali Jeganathan and her beautiful poetry.
Please be sure to check out her amazing words on Instagram @missbookthief or her website www.ko-fi.com/missbookthief
The world has changed drastically and fast. We hit the brakes and went from 100mph to 0mph in a very short amount of time. COVID-19 has officially hit the worldwide pause button, but despite this crisis, positive things are happening in the world every day and I want to write about what’s real, what matters, what’s on my mind and in my heart.
First of all, let’s recognize this elephant in the room as a grieving process so we can feel the feelings and move forward. We all just suffered a loss of control and normalcy worldwide. As we know, when a tragedy or loss happens, denial is first. People think it isn’t real and carry on as usual. Bargaining is next and that’s when people make little deals on the side to try and keep things as normal as possible. Anger moves in and takes over like a storm while sadness and fear hide in the corner waiting to be seen. As the news is announced to us all day every day, acceptance may or may not be reached. This is real and isn’t going away unless we all do our part; the sooner the better. Once we do accept this is happening, we can start creating a new normal, and a new normal is where creativity and ingenuity lives.
For many of us, living rooms have been turned into gyms, dining rooms into workspaces, and kitchens into restaurants. Social distancing, travel restrictions, working from home, kids are home without school/daycare, grocery shopping and cleaning protocols, washing hands, and bingeing Netflix more than usual are just a few ways we’ve all had to adjust to our new lives. Not only that, cabin fever has taken on a whole other meaning for so many of us! Now is the time to get creative and learn a new skill or hobby. Let’s face it, using the excuse that you don’t have time won’t work for anyone right now. Virtual meetings, coffee dates, dinner dates, cooking classes, walks, yoga, meditation, games, happy hour, wine tours, dances, book clubs, and tea parties are just a few virtual events I’ve taken part in and I have to say, it’s been fun, given the circumstances we’re in. Now more than ever, what we need to get through this, is connection but in a virtual setting for now. Not only that, but we also need kindness, courage, love, patience, compassion, and understanding.
I am concerned about people living in domestic violence and unhappy marriages who are forced to self isolate together, children, single parents, single people, the sick and vulnerable, the invincibles, the unemployed, and those who long to be together but can’t right now. It’s difficult being apart from the ones you love and on the other hand, it’s difficult being with the ones you don’t love. Reach out to the people in your life as a support and to get support to help combat loneliness. Excluding people is never a good idea and even more so now.
Be kind.
Uncertainty means being vulnerable and being vulnerable is scary to so many of us. It can bring out the best and worst in all of us. Now that uncertainty is being forced upon us, we have no choice but to lean into it and spread hope instead of fear. It’s in times like these when we need to have faith and trust ourselves things will work out again soon. Believing that whatever happens, we will find a way out of it. It’s not like our lives were 100% certain before, right? We still survived and thrived.
In my experience when it comes to uncertainty, one way to turn that around is by practicing gratitude in a mindful space. Take your soul for a ride and think about all the wonderful things you already have. This is what creates happiness from within and is long-lasting. Perhaps one of the silver linings is the fact we all had to slow down and when that happens, we have time to reflect on our needs and wants. What and who is important to us and why. As it turns out, we don’t need much; but we do need each other. It’s time to relax and take one day at a time, find some light in the dark. Try not to make the uncertain certain. For me, connecting by video with coworkers, friends, family, and loved ones has been a lifesaver to make the best of a difficult situation. Thank goodness we live in a high tech world now.
I truly believe when things calm down, things will be different but in a good and positive way. We all have time to think about the future and our goals right now. Let’s see what happens next and hold onto hope.
All my gratitude to every single frontline worker out there in all the essential services, and a special shout out to my friends in hospitals. My heart truly goes out to all of you and I can’t imagine how you must feel right now. I see you and I hear you. Additionally, thank you to everyone who is doing their part. We’re all braving this uncertainty together and it will get better soon, we’ve got this.
Please enjoy the beautiful song Imagine by John Lennon and be safe and healthy everyone 🙂
Happy Easter and Passover from a distance.
Virtual Hugs ❤
Jen
XO
**Wondering which book to read next? Copies of Winning While Losing: The Upside of Heartbreak are still available in all formats on iTunes, Google Play, Kobo, and online bookstores worldwide. All my gratitude to YOU!
Dare To Live Courageously... 