Stay Open-Hearted

She told me a story I’ll never forget

How loss can be turned into something extraordinary
Where our focus goes, is where energy flows

How courage and connection are what we crave in this lifetime
We miss what we don’t have and we do need each other

How acknowledging our feelings is essential to heal
When we run from our feelings, they follow us.

Everywhere.

How important trust is in all relationships
When people betray you, maybe you betrayed them

How people judge others
Reveals unhealed places in their own heart of hearts

How important it is to forgive people who hurt us
Especially if you don’t receive an apology

How lovely it is to hold onto the good times
Interesting how memories run backward like a flowing river

How normal it is to experience grief in no particular order
Detangling a web of emotions is no easy task for anyone

How things will improve with time
That’s just the way it is and that is comforting

How beautiful it is to look out the window at 2 a.m.
And gaze at the stars taking up the entire sky

How finding light in the dark is always possible
When you make one small shift, it can change everything

How she misses the one she loves
When the sun kisses the moon goodnight

How life is so beautiful
She said, “Stay open-hearted…”

❤

Much Love,

Jen
XO

❤

 

 

 

Braving Uncertainty

The world has changed drastically and fast.  We hit the brakes and went from 100mph to 0mph in a very short amount of time.  COVID-19 has officially hit the worldwide pause button, but despite this crisis, positive things are happening in the world every day and I want to write about what’s real, what matters, what’s on my mind and in my heart.

First of all, let’s recognize this elephant in the room as a grieving process so we can feel the feelings and move forward.  We all just suffered a loss of control and normalcy worldwide.  As we know, when a tragedy or loss happens, denial is first.  People think it isn’t real and carry on as usual.  Bargaining is next and that’s when people make little deals on the side to try and keep things as normal as possible.  Anger moves in and takes over like a storm while sadness and fear hide in the corner waiting to be seen.  As the news is announced to us all day every day, acceptance may or may not be reached.  This is real and isn’t going away unless we all do our part; the sooner the better.  Once we do accept this is happening, we can start creating a new normal, and a new normal is where creativity and ingenuity lives.

For many of us, living rooms have been turned into gyms, dining rooms into workspaces, and kitchens into restaurants.  Social distancing, travel restrictions, working from home, kids are home without school/daycare, grocery shopping and cleaning protocols, washing hands, and bingeing Netflix more than usual are just a few ways we’ve all had to adjust to our new lives.  Not only that, cabin fever has taken on a whole other meaning for so many of us!  Now is the time to get creative and learn a new skill or hobby.  Let’s face it, using the excuse that you don’t have time won’t work for anyone right now.  Virtual meetings, coffee dates, dinner dates, cooking classes, walks, yoga, meditation, games, happy hour, wine tours, dances, book clubs, and tea parties are just a few virtual events I’ve taken part in and I have to say, it’s been fun, given the circumstances we’re in.  Now more than ever, what we need to get through this, is connection but in a virtual setting for now.  Not only that, but we also need kindness, courage, love, patience, compassion, and understanding.

I am concerned about people living in domestic violence and unhappy marriages who are forced to self isolate together, children, single parents, single people, the sick and vulnerable, the invincibles, the unemployed, and those who long to be together but can’t right now.  It’s difficult being apart from the ones you love and on the other hand, it’s difficult being with the ones you don’t love.  Reach out to the people in your life as a support and to get support to help combat loneliness.  Excluding people is never a good idea and even more so now.

Be kind.

Uncertainty means being vulnerable and being vulnerable is scary to so many of us.  It can bring out the best and worst in all of us.  Now that uncertainty is being forced upon us, we have no choice but to lean into it and spread hope instead of fear.  It’s in times like these when we need to have faith and trust ourselves things will work out again soon.  Believing that whatever happens, we will find a way out of it. It’s not like our lives were 100% certain before, right?  We still survived and thrived.

In my experience when it comes to uncertainty, one way to turn that around is by practicing gratitude in a mindful space.  Take your soul for a ride and think about all the wonderful things you already have.  This is what creates happiness from within and is long-lasting.  Perhaps one of the silver linings is the fact we all had to slow down and when that happens, we have time to reflect on our needs and wants.  What and who is important to us and why.  As it turns out, we don’t need much; but we do need each other.  It’s time to relax and take one day at a time, find some light in the dark.  Try not to make the uncertain certain.  For me, connecting by video with coworkers, friends, family, and loved ones has been a lifesaver to make the best of a difficult situation.  Thank goodness we live in a high tech world now.

I truly believe when things calm down,  things will be different but in a good and positive way.  We all have time to think about the future and our goals right now.  Let’s see what happens next and hold onto hope.

All my gratitude to every single frontline worker out there in all the essential services, and a special shout out to my friends in hospitals.  My heart truly goes out to all of you and I can’t imagine how you must feel right now.  I see you and I hear you.  Additionally, thank you to everyone who is doing their part.  We’re all braving this uncertainty together and it will get better soon, we’ve got this.

Please enjoy the beautiful song Imagine by John Lennon and be safe and healthy everyone 🙂

Happy Easter and Passover from a distance.

Virtual Hugs ❤

Jen
XO

**Wondering which book to read next?  Copies of Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak are still available in all formats on iTunes, Google Play, Kobo, and online bookstores worldwide.  All my gratitude to YOU!

Project Self: Self-Love

How many of us think self-love is selfish?  It’s a common misconception, and you’re not alone.  There are two ways to love yourself, one being in a toxic, narcissistic way where you don’t have any regard or empathy for others, which disconnects you from others and is not recommended.  The second is a nurturing, protective way of loving yourself that genuinely connects you with others.

While I was navigating a life crisis, my divorce, I suddenly found myself under the microscope.  I realized it was time to accept my imperfections, define my needs in a timely manner and reintroduce myself, to myself.  It’s during times of rumbling and wrestling with our story that turns on the bravery switch inside ourselves.  Instead of running and hiding, it took courage to stay, understand and learn from it, and since I was under the microscope, I had to examine myself.  To know yourself you need to spend time with yourself on the good and bad days.  Own it.  All of it.

That’s when the game changed for me.

All these tasks were not easy to do but needed to be done to be able to live my best life.

Imagine…

The best way I could achieve this was to start loving myself unconditionally in a caring, and kind way that protected me.  I had to realize I was enough and not worry about what other people thought.  To find my own happiness and stop pleasing others.

The first step was to stop beating myself up and start talking to my younger self, the child inside that was hurting and scared.  I used loving words instead of critical ones.  Self-compassion is a form of self-love because as soon as you start talking to yourself like you would with a good friend, and realize we are all human and make mistakes, then you can begin to relax, and get to know yourself for who you are, your values, and love yourself for it.

The second step was to define a need from a want.  For example, we all need food, water, clothing, and shelter.  These are requirements to live day to day.  A want is something that is extra, desired, not necessary but nice.  That list is extremely long for all of us.  When looking at our needs from a self-love perspective, what do you need to love yourself?  Boundaries are a good place to start, followed by self-compassion, and good self-care.  Owning your story instead of blaming others is also essential.

People treat us based on how they see us treating ourselves.  So if we don’t set boundaries with ourselves, then other people will think it’s ok to walk all over us.  The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you are going to tolerate.  This is also a form of self-respect which is another upcoming blog in this series.

It’s common to love many things outside ourselves like different foods, movies, cars, homes, careers, and more, but as soon as you hold up a mirror, what do you feel?  Disgust, fear, shame, guilt?  Or do you feel proud, grateful, accepting and happy?  Are you at the top of your love list, somewhere in the middle or didn’t realize you even had a spot on this list?

What do you practice? Fear or self-love?  Do you ask, “What will people think?”  or say “I am enough.”

What would it take for you to love yourself more?  Try to think of 3 ways you can practice more self-love in your own life.

Ways I found self-love:

*Rebuilding relationships workshop with Diane Valiquette.  This is one of the best workshops I’ve ever taken where she says the most rewarding and powerful relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.  It also sets the tone for all your future relationships with others.  That is the truth!

*Writing, reading books, exercising, eating well, listening to music, mindfulness, accepting my imperfections, self-forgiveness, spending quality time with friends and family and asking for help.

I’ve learned it’s best to ask for what you need instead of hoping someone will notice.  You are in charge of your own life and if you don’t speak up, then nobody will know what you’re thinking and you are to blame for not saying anything.  Plain and simple.  By asking for what you need means you love yourself enough to fill those needs.  If you are still not getting your needs met, after trying everything, that’s when you can walk away and say “This doesn’t work for me anymore.”  This in itself is an act of self-love.  Of course, it’s not easy because relationships aren’t easy, but your peace and happiness are worth it, therefore, take the time to practice self-love.  The more you love yourself, the less fear you will feel.

Since this re-introduction to myself, I am no longer the same person I was before, which is a good thing.  I am stronger and more courageous than ever, aware of my needs, and aware of what I can and will not tolerate in my life.  Self-love is an ongoing process and I am committed to it each and every day because it’s at the top of my list.

What about you? ❤

**Note to self:  “Close your eyes, fall in love, stay there”  ~ Rumi

 

Much Love and Self-Love ❤

Jen
XO

***I hope you are enjoying the “Project-Self” blog series so far.  Stay tuned for more…

***All my gratitude to everyone who bought, borrowed, read, reviewed, liked, and shared my book with others.  The feeling of joy is bursting out of me each day!  Pick up your copy of “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” at online bookstores worldwide or at the FriesenPress online bookstore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be Your Own Mirror

To all my Zumba friends, this one’s for you ❤

2016 has been an eventful year for me because I wrote my first book and continued to heal from my traumatic divorce like a rock star.  In March 2017, my book will be released and more healing will occur which I am dually grateful for and excited about.

Recently, I was at one of my Zumba classes, and a song came on that brought me back to the good old 80’s and inspired me to write this blog.  The song was Man In The Mirror by Michael Jackson and in it, he is sending the message that in order to make a change in this world you need to look at yourself first and take a look in the mirror.  We are living in a world where we tend to play the blame game over and over again and are so afraid of taking any responsibility for our own actions.  Not only does this get you to nowhere land but it stunts your personal growth and development big time.

In order to move forward in life and learn from our mistakes, we need to stop complaining and depending on other people to make changes for us.  We need to take a look in the mirror at ourselves and make the changes from within that we want to see because that’s where it all begins.  Imagine if only half of the world’s population could do this and how much fighting could end and how much peace could be gained.

It’s easy to turn a blind eye to what’s happening to people less fortunate than us and so much more work to look within ourselves, but in the end, it’s also more rewarding long-term to be your own mirror.

Another song that ties in with this one is also by Michael Jackson and it’s called Heal The World.  This is a cry for help for those in need and since it’s the Christmas season, what better time to do this.  Everyone has their issues and situations they’re dealing with and healing from, and all it takes is a little compassion and an open heart to help someone thrive.  Even though we might live in different countries around the world, we are still connected and want the same things out of life which are love, connection, and peace.  If we could only realize we’re all in this life together, we could really heal the world and make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race.

My best wishes and love to each and every one of you in 2017 and thank you so much for your support all this time, I am extremely grateful for YOU.

Enjoy the music, be your own mirror and heal the world ❤

 

Much Love ❤

Jen

 

This Is India – Part 4

January 13^th– 15^th, 2016 – Bhubaneswar, India (again..)

The Dehra Dun airport is the smallest one I’ve been in so far.  The same procedures happen as far as paying for excess baggage, going through security in the ladies line up, watching my 2 litre water bottle go through the scanner to be photographed again.   BUT….this time when my bottle reached the other side, a guard asked me to take a sip of the water in front of him.  My jaw hit the floor.  Now I was feeling more Canadian having someone being suspicious of my water bottle.  I twisted that cap off with a huge grin and gladly took a big sip.  He seemed to grin back at me and waved me off like I had passed the test.  Yayyy!!  This is India.  There seemed to be more foreigners like me in this airport because in Rishikesh it’s a big outdoor adventure town and people from all over the world go there to do things like bungee jumping, white water rafting and more.

When I arrived in Delhi I wanted a coffee so I went to the food court on the upper level.  What on earth did I see but a whole lot of pigeons flying and walking around in the food court!  For a moment I felt I was at the beach with the seagulls back home.  Here is a picture of Mr. Pigeon strutting his stuff in Delhi Airport.  This Is India.

My connecting flight from Delhi to Bhubaneswar was great and the thing about flying within India whether it’s a two hour flight or more, they feed you.  Not just peanuts in a mini bag, a hot meal with silverware and it’s included in the price of your flight.  This is India.  This also makes me very happy 😛

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to check into the Mayfair again because they were full, but I did stay at another great place called The Swosti Hotel.  The staff were great but nothing compares to the Mayfair.  I got in late so I wasn’t able to see Darshith that night but we were able to text so that was great.  He was working the next day anyway.

I woke up early the next morning and got ready to go out and be a tourist seeing temples and doing some more shopping, just to add more weight to my luggage!  The hotel hired an auto-rickshaw driver to stay with me for the day and be by my side while shopping.  Now I know how celebrities feel.  I have to admit I felt safe and nervous all at the same time but it was all good.  The driver was really nice and the first thing we did was go shopping.  It was a bit strange having someone watch and wait for me while I looked around in stores and he even pointed things out for me to buy!  Walking around with him produced many stares and gazes from people but there was nothing I could do.  After buying several things it was time to drive around in the chaos and see some temples.  After all, that’s what Bhubaneswar is famous for are their temples  🙂

        

        

They were all very beautiful and peaceful.  I felt more spiritual and calm just being there, it was such a great feeling.  These were some of the reasons I chose to do this trip.  I found it interesting how serene I would feel while visiting the temples and then how chaotic I would feel getting back into the auto-rickshaw and the traffic!  This Is India.  Cows are considered Holy in India and they roam the streets in the traffic, I don’t know how they stay safe but they manage to do it thank goodness.  It’s really nice seeing them like this.

After a day of going around, I went back to the hotel to eat and rest.  When Darshith finished work he came by for another visit and we picked up our conversation where we left off and laughed and talked a lot which was so great.  It was nice having a second chance of meeting again but we only had that evening because I was leaving the next day already.  It was time to say good bye again and we all know how good I am at that!  Not.  This time I was actually better than the other time so I was slightly improving.

             

When I think about why I was in India, sometimes I have to pinch myself.  To get a new start and connect more with my blogging friends there.  Through blogging in WordPress you get to know people by how they think because it’s reflected in how they write.  Their thoughts and feelings dig deep inside you leaving a unique mark on you that’s just from them.  I have many of these connections and marks with all of you and I think it’s important to say that it’s a friendship kind of love because we understand and appreciate one another.  Being appreciated and understood are what we all crave and we can achieve that here.  Love is not always attainable; yes it’s wonderful to be loved but more profound to be understood.

The next day I am off to visit my lovely friend NJ and her hubby for a few days and I can’t wait 😀

I had a great time feeding my soul in Bhubaneswar again.

This Is India.

Stay tuned, to be continued in Pune….

Namaste,

Jenny
xo

 

Perfection and Connection

“The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued: when they can give and receive without judgment: and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. We are wired for connection, it’s in our biology. We need connection to thrive emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.”  ~Brené Brown

 In order to truly connect with others, we need to show up.  Get out of our own way.  Stop listening to the little gremlins inside our head that tells us we’re not good enough.

All types of relationships are based on connection and whether we see and feel that connection or if we don’t.  To feel is to be vulnerable, putting ourselves out there.  It’s about self-acceptance and knowing we are not perfect and that it’s the imperfections we carry that make us beautiful.

When someone reaches out to another person, they are being vulnerable, courageous and aware of their imperfections.  What they are looking for is empathy which is very different from sympathy.  Empathy makes us feel like we are not alone and that somebody cares and understands us.  We feel connected.  Sympathy only drains us and makes us feel even more alone – disconnected.  Sometimes it’s not the response that makes things better but it’s the connection.  This short and cute 2:53 minute video explains it very well.

If we want deep, authentic connections we need to get out of our own way, start being vulnerable by feeling every emotion and forget about perfection.

Dare greatly!  ❤

Much Love,

Jen
xo

Life Story Project: We Are All Living Our Own Project

Inspiration can be found in so many corners of our lives and one of my favorite places that really touched my heart was on the television show Life Story Project.  The show was aired on “OWN:  The Oprah Winfrey Network” and then unfortunately was cancelled due to network issues.  Andrea Syrtash and Dale Curd were the two hosts on Life Story Project and when I saw it was discontinued last year, I decided to write to Andrea to express my love for the show and for her compassionate way of exploring and questioning people’s hearts and lives on the streets of Toronto, Ontario, Canada about real life topics.  Andrea quickly responded to me and we connected instantly bringing us to a new found friendship where inspiration and support continues to live on.

Life Story Project is about people’s stories and how connection, courage and vulnerability bring us inspiration and promotes personal growth and development within ourselves.  This 4 minute sizzle reel video clip of Life Story Project perfectly describes what the show was all about and I cannot describe it any better than Andrea and Dale.  It’s actually something to be felt.  After watching the video, please read the interview I was able to have with Andrea where we dig deeper into the details of the show and how inspiration touched her heart and life as well.

JJ:  “Can you briefly describe the inspiration behind your show Life Story Project?”

AS:  “I was cast to co-host the show and didn’t create it; but my understanding is that the creators (Mitch and Dale) were inspired by the fact that everybody has a story and that we don’t generally take the time to find out about peoples’ experiences. Intimate conversations about life-changing moments took place on a couch placed in the middle of busy parts of the city. This was to remind the audience that life is happening all around us and everybody is experiencing something significant.”

JJ:  “What was it like calling out to people to come and sit on the famous purple couch and have a conversation?”

AS:  “I’m an extrovert, so it’s not tough for me to engage people in conversation! I did wonder if they’d be open to having an intimate conversation with the cameras rolling; but I think the fact that “OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network” was on our sign and the consent forms helped. Even if people didn’t immediately trust me or my co-host; I think they trusted her and her brand. My co-host and I got rejected a fair bit but I was still surprised that so many people agreed to be interviewed by us and were so open and honest during the recorded conversation.”

JJ:  “How did you choose your life topics to talk about?”

AS:  “Every episode had a contrasting theme (Triumph & Failure, First Moments and Last Moments, Love & Regret etc). The creators wanted to pick themes we all have running through our lives and show the highs and the lows.”

JJ:  “So many inspiring stories were told on your show by the people on the streets of Toronto, you must have felt that inspiration the same as your viewers did like myself.  What was it like hearing people be so emotionally vulnerable?”

AS:  “Hosting the show was uplifting, inspiring, draining and eye-opening. Viewers saw a small percentage of all the interviews I conducted over the 4-6-week shoot. We generally shot for over 8 hours in the blazing sun and sat down with each guest for anywhere from 10-45 minutes. The stories were incredible and I was in awe of how open, honest, vulnerable and real the people I spoke with were. They were wise and articulate and their experiences had a deep effect on me. I often found it tough to sleep after a full day of shooting as I’d review some of the extraordinary stories I heard! Many stuck with me and I still think of them today…”

JJ:  “Was there ever a strange incident that happened when you were trying to recruit people to sit on the couch and talk with you?”

AS:  “We decided that we never wanted to convince people to share something that they weren’t comfortable freely sharing. Both my co-host and I have this thing where people easily open up to us and we feel fortunate that people trust us this way; but sometimes we sensed that people shared more than they wanted to! I recall one incident in which a guest mentioned a very personal experience that she had never told anyone and I felt discomfort as she was describing it because I could tell she was uncomfortable. She returned to the set later that day and asked that we wouldn’t air her story. Of course we were happy to oblige. We didn’t want any participant to regret coming onto the couch for an interview…”

JJ:  “If you had to pick one inspiring story that you heard, which one would it be?”

AS:  “There were so so many inspiring stories. I think about a guest who was deaf and her parents didn’t teach her sign language so she had no way to communicate until she was about 4 years old. She talked about having a voice and not taking it for granted…which was pretty incredible to hear from someone who can’t hear herself speak out loud.  I think about the firefighter who almost died in a blaze (intentionally taking off his oxygen mask) because he felt like a failure and how now he teaches other men in service to be vulnerable heroes. I think about the woman who loved her husband so much that their code word for ‘I love you’ was ‘oodles’ and how after he tragically died of cancer in his 30s, she found a letter from him that said he wanted her to find someone who loved her half as much as he did. Honestly, there were moments of inspiration in every interview. It’s tough to pick one!”

JJ:  “What day of the week did you tape your show and how many hours did it take?”

AS:  “We taped the show every day of the week (as far as I recall)! I had days off since my co-host and I alternated days. The weekend interviews had a different pace than the weekday interviews since people are generally in a different head space during the busy work week…”

JJ:  “What were some of the Toronto locations you chose to film your show in?”

AS:  “The show was filmed all over the city in locations like The Beaches, Dundas Square, King Street West, The Distillery District, Centre Island and more…”

JJ:  “I am very sad that Life Story Project is no longer on the air, as are many fans.  Where they can go now to watch some clips?”

AS:  “I’m sad about it, too! I’ve heard that occasionally a re-run will air; but episodes aren’t available yet on-demand.  There are some clips on YouTube but not all of them.”

JJ:  “Do you see a possibility of making a similar show in the near future?”

AS:  “I enjoy connecting with real people in a truly unscripted way. Life Story Project was genuinely spontaneous. Even if the guests were briefly pre-interviewed; Dale and I never knew much before the guests sat down to have a conversation with us. I’d love to do more shows that explore human relationships and highlight peoples’ incredible stories.”

JJ:  “Andrea you are a relationships life coach, an author and guest speaker on many famous television shows.  What was it like co-hosting with Dale on the show?”

AS:  “While I hardly worked on set with Dale (we filmed on different days); I really enjoyed working with him on this show. He and I are like-minded and believe everybody’s story matters. One thing that you didn’t see, perhaps, is that Dale and I joke around a lot.  We can certainly get serious but we also don’t take ourselves too seriously.”

All of my gratitude to Andrea and everyone from Life Story Project for inspiring my life because in essence, we are all living our own life story project the very best we can. We are all connected, therefore never alone.

You can see more of Andrea’s work on her webpage http://www.andreasyrtash.com/

Love,

Jen
xo

Light A Candle Instead Of Cursing The Darkness

We are all victims of circumstance but we have a choice of remaining in victim mode or stepping out of it and living our life.  Sometimes we can see trouble coming and other times it catches us right off guard sending us into a downward spiral but either way, we need to decide if we want to be happy or not.  Initially, it’s natural to feel great disappointment, hurt and grief but it’s not healthy to live there permanently.

Things happen, I’ve seen trouble coming and it has also knocked me off my feet, leaving my head swirling and my heart broken.  However, I cannot and will not let that define me.  When I read this quote, it was like I heard music and corks popping out of champagne bottles!

 To me, darkness represents being deeply disappointed, the hard times, handling tough emotions, the struggle, the pain and even change.  Everyone defines it differently depending on what they’re going through.  When you think about it, if you try to navigate through the dark without any light, it’s very difficult to see where you’re going or what is right in front of you.  You might bump into things, trip over something or even worse, stub your toe which only causes more pain.  The other thing about darkness is that it seems to hide us well.  Maybe people like the dark for that reason alone.  They don’t want any help so they don’t want to be seen.  The question comes when that same person endlessly criticizes or complains about their situation but doesn’t do anything to make it better; cursing the darkness.  Or maybe they just want to be found by someone, be seen, heard and understood.   After all, we all crave connection.

The simple act of shedding some light on the subject can change the entire space where darkness lives.  You can see what and who is around you, what is ahead of you and that feeling of being on edge is less.  It’s a more comforting, positive response, a new perspective.  Igniting a spark inside you is an action step in moving forward because you are no longer thinking about making it better or wishing for it, you are making the effort and doing it.  Lighting a candle could mean reading positive daily affirmations, finding activities that bring you joy and doing them as much as possible, practicing gratitude even in the dark moment, trying to find the hidden life lesson inside your situation or reaching out to your support system to help you and accepting their help.  It can also mean stop denying and start feeling the pain because the only way out of it is through it.  When you decide to do this, your mind shifts from controlling to allowing and your body shifts from stress to peace.  It doesn’t magically disappear but it certainly becomes more manageable.  Having an open mind and an open heart changes a negative into a positive with an intention to do so.  Darkness is a wonderful teacher that helps us grow through personal development because without darkness there can’t be light.

All of our life’s tragedies big or small have their time and space for darkness.  Just keep in mind that at some point, you will need to turn on a light to be able to see clearly instead of wishing it wasn’t so dark.  It’s time to live in the joy zone.

Much love,

Jennifer Juneau

Filling Your Heart with Values

When I took my training in becoming a life coach a few years ago, my favorite Module was on our values.  When we talk about values, there is an emotional connection making them extra special because values converge and define us, they are who we are at our core.   Anyone who knows me well knows that emotional connection is huge and is a core value in my life.  I am not after the external materialistic things, I value what’s within.  Values are one word such as compassionate, respect, determined and have a strong tonal emphasis, they cannot be changed but you can add more to who you are over time and through experience.  Values drive our choices in all life areas.

As a coach, when I ask my clients about a goal they would like to achieve in their life, it is a privilege for me to be beside them hearing their stories and offering them a helping hand.  People amaze me all the time with their determination, resilience and love for life.  They want to better themselves the same way an athlete wants to better themselves with the assistance of a coach.  Some clients say they want more peace in their life and others want a loving relationship.  After stating their goal in a positive way, my next question is key “why is that important to you?”  This is the most beautiful WHY question because it’s all about values.  Answers are from the heart because that’s where values live, even the heart is somewhat shaped like a V.  Values represent love.  Love of self and love of others.  If something is not that important to you in reaching a goal, you won’t be able to answer the “why.”  In other words, you don’t value it that much.

How do you know what your values are and are you truly living out your values?

Perhaps you value sharing in your family life but you live making selfish decisions.  This is most likely not your value but a belief that you should share because that’s what families do with each other.  Therefore sharing is not about who you are and there is a conflict between your values and beliefs.  On the other hand, if compassion is your value and you live your life helping others then you know and respect one of your values and live it out authentically.  Principles are the manner in which you carry out your values.  Therefore principles drive your behavior.  They are like an unwritten law that acts as a compass when you get lost because you can always refer back to them.  Beliefs can diverge us and are stories with the word “because” in it.  They are something we tell ourselves such as “I believe I should act this way because….”  The good news is that beliefs can be changed if they are self-limiting or imposed on us by someone else like a parent, ex, etc.

In love relationships, we look for the things we have in common with someone, their likes, dislikes and the list goes on.  You may have many likes and things in common with someone but maybe you don’t share the same values in different areas such as career, friends, love, or children.  Over time this could be one of the reasons why the relationship may not have worked out because after the honeymoon of likes is over, reality of who this person is and what is important to them shows up.  It’s their values, the matters of the heart that speak up.  If your values clash, chances are your relationship may clash eventually too.  Think of it this way, imagine the most mismatched couple you know who hardly has anything in common with the other person, the cliché opposites attract comes up a lot, and yet they are happy and have been together forever.  Why is that?  It’s because they share the same values, the heart of the matter is the same.

If you don’t know what your values are yet, I encourage you to take your time and find out what they are so you can live an inspiring and authentic life you deserve.  One exercise that may be helpful is to imagine it’s your 80^th birthday party and all your friends, followers and family are there giving a toast about you.  What would you like them to say about you that rings true to your life?  Answers are one word such as inspiring, loyal, caring, etc.  Ask yourself the million dollar question “why is that important to me?” It is crucial to know the answer.  Once you know what they are, use your principles to live out your values and do it with passion and grace.  You can drill down even deeper and on a scale of 1 – 10, scale each value on how true you are living them and strive to do better.  Out of that list, what are your top three values?

Most of all, find that special person who shares your same values and fills your heart with even more values knowing that anything is possible.

If you are interested in hiring me as your coach, I am happy to be with you.  Values guaranteed.  We can begin with a 30 minute free session.

Much love,

Jennifer Juneau
Jennifer.juneau1@gmail.com

10 Ways To Set Your Life On Fire

“It’s better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.”  ~ Elizabeth Kenny

1. Housekeeping: That’s right, but not that kind of housekeeping.  What I am referring to is getting your mind, body and soul clean by re-organizing what is important to you and why.  Start making priority lists and discard the rest.  There’s nothing better than a good dusting to see what’s hiding underneath it all.  Keep your mind fresh and clean by keeping your thoughts positive.  Keep your body happy and healthy by exercising and getting rid of unwanted body fat!  Keep your soul revitalized by being true to yourself and not pretending to be someone you’re not.  Keep the fire burning by being authentic, not fake because fake fizzles out really fast.

2. Hasta La Vista Baby: Say goodbye to narcissists and people who are not your true friends.  These types of people drain you and don’t have time for you so why hold onto them?  Respect yourself by knowing you are worthy and a joy to be around, it’s their loss if they can’t appreciate you.  If someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it.  People who keep you hanging in silence for their own benefit need to be cut out immediately.  Not only is this selfish and hurtful, they aren’t worth it and life is too short.  Now you can start learning the words to #Alicia Keys song “This Girl Is on Fire!!” or any other song with the word #FIRE in it. Actions speak louder than words. 

3. Connection: Say hello to the people who excite you and bring joy into your life!  People who make you laugh are definitely going to set your life on fire and fan your flames because not only are they fun to be around, laughter wakes up all the cells in your body, boosts your immune system and if done long enough, makes your face hurt in a good way.   Forget social media and get out of your house and off your phone!  Meet people face to face and start connecting with them on many different subjects.  You will walk away feeling content and grateful for knowing them.  Be kind to your friends and treat them right by making time for them.  If there is someone you have always wanted to talk to and haven’t yet, now’s the time to find the courage and “Just do it” like #Nike says.  Remember, this is an article on how to set your life on fire, not play it safe so get out there!

4. New Hobby Anyone: Still trying to figure out how to use that epic camera you bought last year?  It’s time to take it out of the box and start snapping some shots!!!  Sign up for a photography class and make that commitment to learning something new outside your box!  By taking a new class you might find new friends and connect with people you never knew existed.  Whatever your hobby is, the point is to get started and try something NEW.  Not your usual hobby because new is what starts the spark and the spark is what starts the fire!

5. Dance: What’s your favourite tune?  Whatever you love to listen to, get off the couch and turn up the music!  When music is played louder than usual, it can actually light you up from the inside out and bring back those loving feelings and memories.  Upbeat music causes this natural instinct to get your body moving and before you know it, you’re singing along and feeling great!  There is no way you can feel depressed when singing and dancing so it’s great to rekindle with the oldies but goodies or with the latest and greatest hits.  Remember high school?  You get to choose the music so tear up the dance floor and light your fire!

6. Be Adventurous: Still longing to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, run that marathon, bungee jump off that cliff or get that wild haircut you always wanted?  If you are into that kind of risk taking then congratulations, you are living on the edge and your life is already on fire!  For the rest of us, adventurous can mean other things like zip lining, travelling or public speaking.  Yikes!  When you do something new, it’s exciting and it can have several positive side effects like bragging rights to all your friends and posting pictures of yourself everywhere.  You feel that sense of accomplishment for being courageous enough to do something outside your usual pattern of living and not procrastinating about it.  You know what they say, life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  Do what scares you!

7. Spice It Up: Whether it’s an old flame your current flame or a new flame, this is a great way to ignite the fire within.  Just pick one flame at a time!  Life gets busy and we tend to ignore our love life more than we should.  When was the last time you bought something spicy?  All flames are precious so be kind, respectful and take care not to get burned or end up burning the one you care about.  Whatever you do, don’t burn a bridge.  Try to keep the fire burning between you in order to keep things interesting and alive!

8. Make a Career Move: Easier said than done I know.  People tend to stay where they are because it’s safe.  Life is not safe people.  It’s about risk taking and being happy so if you have something in mind like a dream to work somewhere new or try something different, I am here to tell you that it’s possible.  Maybe you are a secretary who is very artistic and would love to paint.  Begin it.  Maybe you’ve always dreamed of working in another country?  That is a sure way to set your life on fire with culture differences and being exposed to new ways of doing your usual job.  Start exploring what’s out there and talk to people who have already taken that leap through the ring of fire.

9. Book a Vacation: When was the last time you went somewhere fun?  Do you tend to go to the same place with the same people?  Well, it’s time to kick things up a notch.  Grab your closest friend and book that trip you’ve always wanted to do!  At one point in your life, you have to hit Disney World.  One of the craziest ways to set your life on fire is by riding the roller coasters like Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Ride.  When you hop on, it takes off like a rocket at 57 miles an hour with the songs “Walk This Way” and “Dude Looks Like a Lady” blasting in your ears from the speakers in the headrest.  If you don’t see your life flash before your eyes at that point… you must be dead.

 10. Hire A Life Coach: I know, it sounds like a sales pitch which it is and it isn’t.  So here’s the thing.  Coaching isn’t for everyone but let me ask you this; what is having your life on track worth to you?  What is the value in knowing who you are, what your hidden interests are, what excites you and what you are capable of doing?  By setting goals and creating an achievable action plan, you will be on your way to building your own fire.  Not only will you have amazing results in your life, but you will also have fun along the way!  That is definitely worth it so come on, let’s light that fire together!  Please feel free to check out my website at: couragecoach.wordpress.com or contact me at Jennifer.juneau1@gmail.com

Follow me on #Twitter @fjj_juneau or like my Facebook page #Courage Coach.  See you there!

**Contact me at jennifer.juneau1@gmail.com