This One’s For You Dad

David Kessler, author, and grieving expert published many books on grief and loss. He talks about the new step called Finding Meaning and asks:

“Is it possible to find light in the dark?
Is it possible to be the light in the dark?
Is it possible to find meaning in trauma, death, loss?
When you can accept what happened, that’s when you can find meaning
And that’s when you find light in the dark
Meaning is not in the death, trauma, or loss, it’s in us and what we do with it
Gratitude is about the person, not the trauma, death, loss.”

Ever since my dad passed, it’s strange, I feel like a little girl all over again, but with pain, sadness, and so much vulnerability.  Some people understand but others not so much.  Grief takes time and everyone is different

My inner child is listening carefully to how I speak to myself.  I need kindness and compassion, I am still very fragile

I’ll always remember sitting around your bed that day, breathing the same air as you, what a privilege

There was this transfer of pain in that silent collapse, from you to me

You looked so calm and peaceful on the outside

The heavens changed that day and so did my world

You got your open door to your next spiritual journey

Now I watch for omens like cardinals, feathers, songs, and numbers, hoping it’s you reassuring me you’re ok

I want to take all your advice and use it in my personal and professional life

“Be confident, don’t convince anyone of your worth if they are too blind to see it, give and expect respect, care for others, tell the truth, and when you love, include yourself in that equation”

You said, “If you find yourself thinking you’re asking for too much from someone, maybe you should ask yourself if you’re asking the wrong person.”

Like Joni Mitchell’s song Both Sides Now, I’ve looked at life/love from both sides now

You said I used to ask a million questions, this is true and I still have many more

I lit a candle for you today dad, and remembered all the great memories through the tears

In my mind, I captured a collection of moments, sealed them in clear glass jars, and carefully lined them on a special shelf I can see from my bed

I imagine tying a navy blue silk ribbon around each one, that reminds me of the days you wore ties when I was a little girl

Whenever I want to visit those memories and moments, the clear glass makes it possible

I’m on my own journey of finding meaning…

My wish for you is to take a shot at the moon, take a trip to the sun

Paint the sky with your fingertips at sunrise and sunset

Why not add some sparkle in the night sky on your journey

I want to feel your presence in nature, thunderstorms, the wind

Even snowstorms like the one we had the day you departed…

You said that was a good omen

Thank you for giving me what you could as a dad, for re-introducing me to the love of writing, for attending my track and field meets for over 13 years, a swimming pool, learning how to water ski, playing piano, always listening, and for just being you

Maybe one of these days I’ll learn to acquire a taste for a good scotch or gin like you did

Then again, let’s see…

If that day ever happens, I’ll sip it at sunset on the water with you, listening to Both Sides Now

This one’s for you dad…cheers…

Love you ❤

Jen
XO

*On Friday, February 4th, 2022, my dad passed away from prostate cancer. He qualified for the MAID procedure which he had and passed peacefully. As a nurse, this was something medical to watch and as a daughter, it was so painful to watch. One of my favorite quotes is this; “We have two lives and the second one begins when we realize we only have one.” ~ Confucius

Thank you for reading ❤

The Blessing of Letting Go

Holding on while letting go feels like a tug of war internally. One foot in and one foot out

If you are afraid to let go, you will never be able to fully restart

Trust…

Get comfortable in the uncomfortable, it’s not about getting rid of the darkness but about letting the light in

Every scar tells a story and Lord knows; we have our share between the two of us

A wise man once said, in order to honor your past, create a special momento in the present with red and yellow flower petals wrapped in a beautiful paper package

Over the next two nights, put the package under each other’s pillow, say a prayer and sleep on it

On the third day, go to the river while holding a rose quartz and as a blessing to yourself, say your intentions for the present and future with each other. Then say a final goodbye to the past, wishing everyone well.

Time to let them go…

While holding the rose quartz in your right hand, and the beautifully wrapped organic package in your left, let the package go; drop it in the flowing water and say goodbye as it floats far away. Say another prayer and hold the rose quartz tightly as it heats your hand instantly. Express your love to each other

Breathe…

We feel lighter, relaxed, happy, and so full of love for one another

Life is beautiful, like a blank white canvas so full of promise, colors, and opportunities

Our hearts and souls speak, saying thank you for releasing unwanted weight that no longer serves us

Freedom…

To realize giving love to each other is the same as giving love to yourself with an open heart

This is what true love really is when you know the blessing of letting go ❤ ❤

Much Love,

Jen

Have You Ever Seen The Rain

Isn’t it ironic how we feel is sometimes the opposite of what we are truly living in?

Have you ever felt sad while wearing a smile?

Did you ever feel alone in a room full of people?

Have you ever felt angry when everyone is happy?

Have you ever seen the rain?  In other words, have you ever been sad?  Of course, we are all human, so you are not alone.

But have you ever seen the rain, coming down on a sunny day?  In other words, have you ever had something tough or unfortunate happen during the good times?  I know I have.

Is it possible to be sad and happy at the same time?

Yes, it is…

Grief is a perfect example of being happy one minute then bursting into tears the next.  Our stories are different, but our emotions are the same.  We are more similar than we are different but eventually, we get through it all.

Have you ever felt the calm before the storm?

I have, and I’m pretty sure you have too…

You know that gut feeling where something bad is going to happen, you just don’t know what or when.

One thing for sure is that life is full of ups and downs and during the tough times, yes we are going to see the rain coming down.  However, it is possible to be happy during these hardships.  We have to remember that tough times don’t last forever and things will work out the way they should.  The sun always comes out in the end and if you’re lucky, you’ll even see a rainbow.  Isn’t a rainbow a sign of good luck?  You see, things are getting better already!

That’s why it’s important to have your friends and family close by, to help, guide, and support you because they love you and want what’s truly best for you.

I think this song Have You Ever Seen The Rain, by CCR is an example of how life can be so ironic sometimes.  Whenever I’m feeling down, this classic song always picks me up and makes me smile.  I hope you are smiling now too 🙂 Happy December everyone, hope it’s been good to you so far!

Much Love ❤

Jen

**Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak is still available at all online bookstores worldwide.  Thank you, everyone ❤

xx

Project-Self: Self-Respect and Self-Worth

As I live my life and deal with everything being thrown at me, there seems to be this recurring feeling that never really goes away.  Whether it’s on my good days or not so good days, the topics of self-respect and self-worth are front row and center.

For the past few years, I made a commitment to myself to get to know myself better from within.  When you give yourself what you need first, you get it in return.  For example, if you feel you are not getting respect, ask if you respect yourself first.  If you feel like you are not feeling worthy or validated, are you aware of your own worth?  It also works on the flip side.  For example, if you don’t respect yourself, it is difficult to show respect to others.  If you don’t see your own worth, you will not see it in others either.  This is why it’s so crucial to pay attention to how we behave in all our relationships.  So many people give unsolicited advice to friends, family and even strangers on how they should live their lives but when it comes to themselves, they can’t take their own advice.

Ironic?  Absolutely.

So where do we begin?  With ourselves; by realizing we are enough and deserve happy and healthy relationships right from the get-go.  When in doubt, it’s time to have a little pow-wow with self-respect and self-worth to remind us we need to set boundaries with people and sometimes walk away from it all.  Self-compassion plays a huge role when we are struggling through something like this and we can start talking to ourselves the same way we would to a good friend, in a loving and forgiving way that supports our mental and emotional health.  If you are not a priority in someone’s life then why is it ok to be an option?  If that person you are with is not a priority, then why do you keep holding on?  If someone is treating you badly, ask yourself why you keep letting them?  If someone can’t see your worth, make sure that someone isn’t you.  Rise up.  It takes a lot of strength and courage to let go of toxic relationships that only feed your ego and not your soul.  If you are in an unhealthy relationship and know it, ask yourself why are you staying?  What I know for sure, is that I would rather be on my own than with the wrong person.  Life is way too short and wasting time with someone or with yourself is not a good idea.  We all have a choice and whatever you decide, you are responsible for it.  If you want to make a change, then you have to take action because thinking about it won’t change anything.

By taking action, you are showing self-respect and self-worth because you know in your heart you deserve more than what you’re getting and you are honoring your feelings.  Bravo for realizing it because as soon as you do this, the world opens up and the Universe responds by supporting you.  Draw a line in the sand, stand up, say no, walk away, let go, do what you need to do but just make sure you do something that supports YOU.  Speak your truth!

I would like to share a short letter I wrote.  It isn’t for one person but for the collective bunch who try to disrespect any of us and can’t see clearly.

 

“Dear You,

I know you are struggling to pay attention to me, see me for who I am and make me a priority in your life.  I just want you to know, I don’t need your validation because as of now, everything is over and I’m validating myself.  I’m not upset, I’m awake.  I see what I want and need in my life and I know I deserve more because I’m so worth it.  Out of respect, I have to walk away and since this is a one-sided relationship, this doesn’t work for me anymore.  I can no longer sit here looking straight ahead and seeing the past and no future.

All I ever asked was for you to spoil me with loyalty, love, respect, affection, attention, friendship, and great conversation.  I can finance myself just fine.  Apparently, that was asking too much of you.  What is too much for me is waiting, wondering, and wishing for a life that doesn’t exist with you.  It’s too expensive for my mental and emotional health, I am worth so much more than you’ll ever know.  It’s unfortunate that previous relationships poison present ones because when things are not dealt with at the moment, they carry over into the next relationship.  That isn’t fair to either side but it happens all the time.  Future relationships lose their chance of being healthy if nothing changes from within.

Now I realize that sometimes you have to love people from a distance to let them become who they need to be and sometimes you need to love people from a distance so you can be the person you need to be.  I am owning my emotions so I can let them go while moving forward.  Due to the circumstances and as a sign of self-respect, I have to go.  Maybe one day you will realize you hurt the one girl who would never hurt you.

“People will teach you how to love by not loving you back.  People will teach you how to forgive by not apologizing.  People will teach you kindness by their judgment.  People will teach you how to grow by remaining stagnant.  Pay attention when you’re going through painful and mysterious times.  Listen to the wisdom life is trying to teach you.”  ~ Meredith Marple

All the very best to you and thank you for all the life lessons.”

 

Much Love ❤

Jen
XX

** I hope you are enjoying the Project-Self blogs so far. Thank you to everyone for reading and liking them.  As I write I learn and as I learn I write.  Working on myself is a process but it’s also one I enjoy doing and I hope you do too in your own life ❤

** “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak” is available at online bookstores worldwide and at FriesenPress online bookstore.  I am grateful for all the love from my readers.  Please check out the wonderful reviews people have left on my website 😀

~ Dare to live courageously…

 

 

Happy First Birthday WWL!

Happy 1^st Birthday to Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak!!!

😀 😀 😀

Well, here we are, exactly one year later after my book release and I am SO amazed at the positive response!!  Each day teaches me the power of words, the power of positivity, the power of friends and family, the power of love and courage, the power of resilience and determination, the power of empowerment, the power of moving forward; even if you are crawling you are still moving.  The power of taking action, the power of reframing your situation so that it serves you, the power of self-awareness, self-care, self-respect, self-love, self-compassion, and ultimately, the power of forgiveness which is the toughest lesson of all, but I am living proof it can begin with the right attitude.

Judging others, blaming or being a victim is the easy way out and keeps you stuck. Taking responsibility for your own life is why we are all here and sets you free.  It’s been a process of lessons learned and to this day I am learning even more while making mistakes but this means I am evolving as a person and I am extremely grateful for the amazing friends I have.  My kids have seen me through thick and thin and I could have never done this without you guys, I love you from the bottom of my heart ❤  All my gratitude to you both!!

Today is giveaway day and I’ll be contacting 2 lucky winners with love and gratitude ❤ Thank you to everyone for all your huge support, and never forget…

~ Dare to live courageously…

Love Always ❤

Jen
XO

** Copies are available for purchase at all online bookstores worldwide and at the FriesenPress Bookstore.  Thank you 🙂

Free Giveaway: Happy 1st Anniversary!

It’s been a wonderful year of making great memories with friends, family and my book, “Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak.”  Never in a million years did I ever think I would write a book but because of a loss, I decided to make something positive out of something difficult.

On Tuesday, May 29^th, 2018, it will be the first anniversary of my first book release and to show all my gratitude, I wanted to do something special to mark the occasion with all of you.  Therefore, I will be holding a free giveaway and there will be two (2) winners.  For those living in Canada, one winner will receive a personally signed paperback copy and for those living anywhere outside of Canada, the winner will receive a pdf version along with a personalized note from me 🙂

Anyone can enter to win between now and midnight EST Monday, May 28^th, 2018.  The winners will be selected and contacted on Tuesday, May 29^th, 2018.  Thank you in advance to everyone who participates!  It’s going to be fun, you don’t want to miss out!

Rules for the giveaway, you can choose one or more options:

1. Follow my blog, like, and comment in the comment box
2. Follow my Facebook, Twitter or Instagram page; like, tweet and/or comment on the post
3. You will need to provide your email and/or mailing details in a private message if you win
4. If you write a book review, that counts as two submissions and I’ll post it on my website
5. Have fun and good luck everyone!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone again from the depth of my heart and soul for all your love and support on this discovery journey I have been on for the last three and a half years.  If you or someone you know is going through the searing pain of separation or divorce, maybe this book could be helpful and show you are not alone ❤

Dare to live courageously…

Much Love ❤

Jen
*As always, copies are available for purchase through FriesenPress or any online bookstore worldwide.

All My Gratitude

I know I’ve been on a roll lately with my This Is India mini-series and I just wanted to thank everyone within and outside of WordPress for their love, support, kindness, likes, comments and friendship.  You guys are amazing!  Thank you for joining me on my healing journey through India by following me and reading all my blog posts, it was a way for me to get my story out.  I really enjoyed reading the comments every day and answering them with a smile or laughing right out loud!

All my gratitude to everyone in India for making my experience so memorable, Piyusha, Shambhavi, Chandrajit, Darshith, Binay, Bhavya, Neerja, Dinesh and Srinath.  You are all in my heart.

I have made even more WP friends in India because of this mini-series so it looks like my water bottle and I will have to make another trip one day to more cities and hilarious airports.  In the meantime, if you would like to connect more with me and see how crazy my life really is, join me on:

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

 

All My Gratitude To YOU From Around The World,

Jenny ❤
xo

Finally, my friend Michelle reminded me about this song by Canadian artist Alanis Morrisette titled Thank You and it’s about taking time off, letting go, forgiving, being vulnerable, exposing your true self courageously and thanking all the consequences that happened to you.  It’s a true story of her career and her time off in India, while thanking India for the healing.  How appropriate, connected, relevant and amazing.

Thank you India

Extraordinary Life

I just thought I would post this video for fun because I love it so much.  Hope you are all having a Happy Monday!  Stay inspired!