This One’s For You Dad

David Kessler, author, and grieving expert published many books on grief and loss. He talks about the new step called Finding Meaning and asks:

“Is it possible to find light in the dark?
Is it possible to be the light in the dark?
Is it possible to find meaning in trauma, death, loss?
When you can accept what happened, that’s when you can find meaning
And that’s when you find light in the dark
Meaning is not in the death, trauma, or loss, it’s in us and what we do with it
Gratitude is about the person, not the trauma, death, loss.”

Ever since my dad passed, it’s strange, I feel like a little girl all over again, but with pain, sadness, and so much vulnerability.  Some people understand but others not so much.  Grief takes time and everyone is different

My inner child is listening carefully to how I speak to myself.  I need kindness and compassion, I am still very fragile

I’ll always remember sitting around your bed that day, breathing the same air as you, what a privilege

There was this transfer of pain in that silent collapse, from you to me

You looked so calm and peaceful on the outside

The heavens changed that day and so did my world

You got your open door to your next spiritual journey

Now I watch for omens like cardinals, feathers, songs, and numbers, hoping it’s you reassuring me you’re ok

I want to take all your advice and use it in my personal and professional life

“Be confident, don’t convince anyone of your worth if they are too blind to see it, give and expect respect, care for others, tell the truth, and when you love, include yourself in that equation”

You said, “If you find yourself thinking you’re asking for too much from someone, maybe you should ask yourself if you’re asking the wrong person.”

Like Joni Mitchell’s song Both Sides Now, I’ve looked at life/love from both sides now

You said I used to ask a million questions, this is true and I still have many more

I lit a candle for you today dad, and remembered all the great memories through the tears

In my mind, I captured a collection of moments, sealed them in clear glass jars, and carefully lined them on a special shelf I can see from my bed

I imagine tying a navy blue silk ribbon around each one, that reminds me of the days you wore ties when I was a little girl

Whenever I want to visit those memories and moments, the clear glass makes it possible

I’m on my own journey of finding meaning…

My wish for you is to take a shot at the moon, take a trip to the sun

Paint the sky with your fingertips at sunrise and sunset

Why not add some sparkle in the night sky on your journey

I want to feel your presence in nature, thunderstorms, the wind

Even snowstorms like the one we had the day you departed…

You said that was a good omen

Thank you for giving me what you could as a dad, for re-introducing me to the love of writing, for attending my track and field meets for over 13 years, a swimming pool, learning how to water ski, playing piano, always listening, and for just being you

Maybe one of these days I’ll learn to acquire a taste for a good scotch or gin like you did

Then again, let’s see…

If that day ever happens, I’ll sip it at sunset on the water with you, listening to Both Sides Now

This one’s for you dad…cheers…

Love you ❤

Jen
XO

*On Friday, February 4th, 2022, my dad passed away from prostate cancer. He qualified for the MAID procedure which he had and passed peacefully. As a nurse, this was something medical to watch and as a daughter, it was so painful to watch. One of my favorite quotes is this; “We have two lives and the second one begins when we realize we only have one.” ~ Confucius

Thank you for reading ❤

Tell Me Why…

I see you running after the things that run from you
Tell me why you do that
Recalibrate, there is no need to chase the wrong person or thing

I hear you berating yourself as if it were a personal motivational speech
Tell me why you do that
Self-love and self-compassion are needed more than ever, please be kind to yourself

I see you running East expecting to see a sunset
Tell me why you do that
You’re running the wrong way, turn around; the sun sets in the West and you know that

I hear your lies and unapologetic excuses about things you’re not proud of
Tell me why you do that
Be courageous and take responsibility for your actions, the truth will set you free

I see you going back to the things that continually hurt you
Tell me why you do that
Wounds are meant to heal, not to stay open and continuously bleed

I hear you say you want a change and yet here you are in the same situation
Tell me why you do that
Make the decision to change and commit to that; don’t settle, know your worth

I see you doing the same thing over again, expecting a different outcome
Tell me why you do that
You know that one small shift can change everything…be brave

I hear you trying to convince yourself to stay in something you don’t want
Tell me why you do that
Be honest with yourself and with others, know what you want and say it

I see you holding on to the past for dear life and it only makes you miserable
Tell me why you do that
Let go of what hurts and release it to the Universe; the future is better and brighter

I hear you voicing your values yet they don’t match your behavior
Tell me why you do that
Are you sure they are your values or are they someone else’s beliefs

I see you trying to fit in because you want to belong
Tell me why you do that
Surround yourself with like-minded people, then you will belong

I hear you whispering to the crashing waves in the day and the suspended stars at night
Tell me why you do that
I hope they are listening to all your words and wishes

I see you putting your dreams on a shelf, tucked away for some other time
Tell me why you do that
You are meant to share your talent with the world, don’t worry what others may think

I hear you telling yourself not to say anything, to suppress your voice on matters
Tell me why you do that
Be courageous and use the voice you have; express your needs and wants

I see and hear you making choices out of fear and anxiety
Tell me why you do that
Make choices out of love, what fills your soul and makes you happy

I need to know the WHY behind what you say and do
Why is it important to you
Tell me why…

Dare to live courageously…

Much Love ❤

Jen
XO

*I’ve always loved this song Why by Annie Lennox and it happens to go with this blog.  Have a beautiful weekend everyone and be happy 🙂

**Please be sure to check out my friend Danielle Lewis and subscribe to her podcast titled Mom’s Still Standing which is available on iTunes and Spotify.  It’s a wonderful and inspiring podcast that connects all mom’s trying to navigate life and motherhood ❤

***Winning While Losing:  The Upside of Heartbreak is still available at all online bookstores worldwide, iTunes, Google Play, Nook, Kindle, and at the FriesenPress bookstore.  Books are a great Christmas gift for the readers on your list 🙂 Thank you everyone xx

This Is India 2017-Part Four

February 14-17th, 2017

I took an Ola cab from Pune to Mumbai on the 13^th and cabs in India are not expensive.  I was able to ride 3 hours for about $40.00 Canadian.  In comparison, for me to go 40 minutes to the Ottawa airport from my house, it costs me about $60.00 Canadian.  I don’t even want to think about how much 3 hours would cost here, I’m getting heart palpitations already! 😛 Then I realized, hey, This Is India!

I met my friend Vineet again because the next day we were heading to Alleppey by train and he was able to have the time to visit some places with me which made it fun not to be on my own all the time.  On the 14^th, we boarded the train and the trip was going to take roughly 20 hours to get there.  Trains in India are not the same as here.  They run slower because of the tracks so it takes longer to get there which is ok because there’s more time to look at the scenery and talk.  Your seat also becomes your bed so every cabin has bunk beds along with sheets, blankets, and pillows.  I liked this idea because I could stretch out my legs the entire trip and not be sitting the whole way.  I slept like a baby and workers on the train came around to serve food, chai, and coffee.  It was a really great time to experience train travel there.  Alleppey is located in Kerala which is more tropical than Mumbai so as we got closer, the vegetation changed and so did the temperature which I loved.  Temperatures were at +40 C each day!  That’s better than -40 C here in February!

                        

Prior to leaving Canada, I spoke with another friend of mine, Srinath who connected me with his friend Soni who connected me with his friend Binu in Alleppey because Binu owns a houseboat there.  And when you go to Alleppey, you have to try a houseboat ride on the backwaters of Kerala.  When you board the boat, you are not the only ones out on the water.  Numerous houseboats are out at the same time each day showing tourists the beauty of Kerala.  The houseboat ride was roughly 6 hours long and lunch and snacks were included.  The food was incredible and we docked at lunchtime to eat.  Binu was very good at taking great care of us, picking us up and touring around the town.  Many thanks to everyone for arranging this day in advance for us.

Alleppey is a nice place that’s not too big, it’s on the Arabian Sea and the water is so warm and clear.  The hotel was located right across the street from the beach and it had great views from the restaurant and also very good food.  The sunset was amazing and we were lucky to see one on time, so many people were on the beach at that time compared to during the day.

I bought some famous banana chips and managed to bring some home for the kids.  I think I liked them more than they did, I’ve never had such great banana chips!  This Is India!  🙂

It was great to see the southern part of India and have good company along the way.  Thanks for joining me Vineet, I had a great time traveling with you! 😀

On Friday the 17^th we went our separate ways because I was flying to Bangalore to see more blogging friends for the weekend!  😉 ❤ Stay tuned for more fun and excitement…

 

Much Love ❤

Jen

 

 

 

Tony Robbins: The “Why Guy”

If you aren’t familiar with famous life coach Tony Robbins, allow me to introduce him to you.  He’s not a motivational speaker, he’s the “why guy.”  Why do we do the things we do?  What drives us?  What are your belief systems that prevent you from living a full life?  What does it take to get something done?  Some people just don’t have a strategy; they’re lost.  It’s not that they aren’t trying to achieve their goal, it’s just they’re moving in the wrong direction.  It’s like running east looking for a sunset and not being able to find it.

That person gets an A for effort but what they really need is a map.

It’s the weekend so time to relax, grab a coffee, sit back and take 20 minutes to listen to this why guy with the raspy fast talking voice and see what he has to say about how emotion is the driving force behind what we do.

*Warning…he does swear every now and then, but I will hold him accountable for that…

Have a great weekend,

Jen 🙂